If you notice a fairly large bruise under my chin, the giant bandage on my knee, and the band-aids on my palm and finger, to be clear, these injuries were all sustained in a recent ninja attack. I did not receive them while rollerblading way too fast down a hill, spinning around and smashing my jaw into the concrete in an astonishing display of rollerblading ineptitude. Any reports you here to the contrary are lies, all lies.
What's the worst part about buying rollerblades? Having to tell your dad you're gay.
ReplyDelete--courtesy of KCS
I'm not sure why a ninja would attack you...unless you were a pirate...or looked at him.
ReplyDeleteGoddamnit, Mr. Utah, you can't look at a ninja--they're invisible! The only way you could see a ninja is if he lets you, but ninjas only show themselves before unleashing a vicious--and always fatal--attack. Don't you know anything. Gosh!
ReplyDeleteApparently KCS hasn't heard of extreme rollerblading, where you take a hill at about 850 mph, intentionally wipe out in a horrendous yet badass collision with a large stretch of concrete, and then walk (or roll) away, dripping blood from various wounds.
ReplyDeleteNot that that was what happened, of course, because like I said, it was a ninja attack.
And to be fair to my ninja opponents on that night, I don't think they realized I was a ninja. I think they thought I was just black.