FY,T2 - Technology Strikes Back

I could never be a Luddite. (Or neo-Luddite, or whatever is correct - the guys that oppose technology.) I'm not one of those people who would rather have been born in the 1800's, or 1950's, or whatever. I loves me my technologies. As an attorney and an aspiring writer of bad-ass sci-fi/fantasy, I love my laptop to death. I've tried writing on a typewriter before, and it's fun for the first 30 seconds, until you want to rewrite something, and then you pretty much have to scrap the whole project and start over. I love the internets. I love cell phones. I love rocket-guided missiles that can shoot down satellites and filthy Russians. I love laser pointers that drive cats nuts. I love special effects. I love fuel-injected cars. I hate robots, but I like TV shows about blowing robots up.

Still, technology has been biting me in the ass lately with its robotic teeth. Witness my partner in law's account of yesterday, which felt a lot like it must have felt to be a Holocaust victim (if, in fact, such a thing happened).

And more and more, I'm seeing technology that I just don't need or want. For instance, the magical paper towel dispensers that you just wave at and they dispense towels. Or the sinks that you wave at and they dispense water. I know the theory behind each is the reduction of germs, because you don't have to contact these surfaces with your hands. But when I stand in front of these things waving my hands in vain and getting no towels or water, I feel like a fucking retard. I don't know why, but some of these things you either have to wave your hands just right, or else nothing you can do will trigger them. Either way, same result - I stand there unable to perform a ridiculously simple task, just because some toolbag decided we needed to upgrade our hand washing/drying to the point where we can't wash/dry our hands anymore. Keep that shit -- I'll stick with the manual method.

Also, I still can't access any of my bank accounts.

Throwing Off the Yoke Of Oppression

The transformation is complete - my home is now 150% Charter-free. After years of putting up with Charter's bullshit, Vice has gone satellite, and oh what a wonderful feeling it is. Let's recount the highlights of Charter's reign of terror:

- The first time I had Charter, my payments were made by Charter taking automatic withdrawals from my checking account each month. After a semester of unemployment, my checking account was just about running on empty going into the summer. Then, when I cancelled my service, Charter automatically deducted $90 from my account. Why? There weren't any cancellation fees, or fees for failing to return my shit, or money I owed from previous months. No, it was a "We're going to try to fuck you over and hope you don't watch your account transactions carefully" fee. Naturally, that $90 put me in the red and left me putting everything on my charge card until my summer internship started paying off. My parents were actually floating me their loose change to carry me over for a few weeks. And, of course, Charter couldn't just put the money back in my account. Oh no. For some reason, it took over two months before I saw that money again. Assholes.

- In the fall of 2007, PH decided to get Charter for her apartment, which I was fortunate enough to frequent regularly. After a couple months, Charter determined that PH was late with her payments, and decided to shut off her service completely. Of course, they had been paid in full. PH tried to explain this, to no avail. When they refused to turn the service back on, PH chose to stop paying for realz. As a matter of principle, of course, she never obtained service at that apartment again, and due to Charter's blatant douchebaggery, we struggled through fuzzy antenna television stations and no convenient internet access for about eight months before finally moving out. Assholes.

- After moving to a new apartment, we (reluctantly) signed up with Charter once again, since they basically own Madison. After obtaining cable and internet for reasonable rates for the first six months, the introductory period ended, and the infamous price increases took effect, sending our bill up approximately $30/month. That, of course, was expected. At the same time, however, Charter chose to eliminate the lower levels of internet speeds they previously offered, forcing everyone to receive and pay the correspondingly higher rate for 5mb internet. This increased our bill by an additional $20/month. So, in the course of one month, we went from paying approximately $70/month to paying $120/month with very little change in the actual services we received. Assholes.

- And let's not forget Charter's dicktastic refusal to work out something with the Big Ten Network, thereby depriving Madisonians from the ability to watch BTN-broadcast Badger football (and other sports) from the comfort of their own homes, forcing us into packed sportsbars with limited visibility of the game. Then they had the gall to air ads portraying themselves as the good guy fighting for the viewers, blaming the Big Ten Network for the whole thing. The Big Ten Network may be a steaming pile, but if you fuckers think for one hot second I'm gonna believe you give half a shit about your viewers, think again. Assholes.

Ultimately, the price increase was the last straw. We hit the phone book and did a little research, and decided to switch to TDS. Now we have local phone, internet, satellite TV, and DVR for about $100/month, with a guarantee that prices will not increase in the next 2 years.

Plus, the DVR is amazing. No longer are we slaves to the broadcast times, having to be home and ready to watch at exactly the right moments, having to stop what we're doing at certain intervals or miss what we want to see. One of the most satisfying moments came just half an hour ago, when the Colbert Report began, and I was in the kitchen making myself a gi-fucking-normous bowl of popcorn. I still had a minute of popping left to go when the show began, and as much as I love the popcorn piping hot out of the microwave, I didn't want to miss the opening minutes. Then the realization hit - I didn't have to. I waited, cracked open my popcorn, and poured myself a drink, all while Colbert was up and running. Then I sat down, ate my popcorn, and rewound to the start of the show. Awesome.

Right now I'm watching Ninja Warrior. There's not even any Ninja Warrior on right now.

Of course, TDS could also prove to be complete cockbags. But I'm confident that any type of shit they might pull will pale in comparison to the festering anal wart that is Charter Communications. Goodbye, and good riddance.

Quothe the Ninja

Favorite new phrase:

"Ninja please!"

IRS (Income-Raping Scavengers)

The IRS has decided to rape me. Higher tax bracket my ass. If that's the case, why don't I have any more money than I used to? I haven't been spending any more than I used to. I guess there's a major difference in taxation between "poor" and "slightly less poor."

Now I will have to start making quarterly estimated tax payments in earnest. Something about the "time value of money," so the IRS decides it needs it before I actually make it. Well that's great, considering SPD doesn't pay me until two-three weeks after the case is closed, which is generally three months after I start it. So, to review, here is my taxation/income chronology:

1. I pay the IRS on income I haven't made yet
2. I do the work
3. I get the income on work I did months ago and paid taxes on several months ago

Here's a question - where the fuck is my "time value of money?"

Monsterous

The wait is finally over, folks. After months and months of viral marketing and hype, Cloverfield has come out, and I have seen it.

That's right, I've seen the monster that tore apart Manhattan. I know what it is.

WARNING: Spoilers ahead.





It was brutal. It was hideous. It was the culmination of all movie monsters - think of everything that frightens you, everything that creeps you out -- this monster had all that and more.




And now, I will reveal it to you.




Here it is, folks, in all it's glory - the Cloverfield monster is:






A giant half-chicken, half-squirrel.







Yeah, I was surprised too.










Sorry I couldn't find a bigger picture. I assume everyone on the internets was simply too afraid to upload anything larger.

Backbone

Goddamnit. Just once I wish I could get a client with some spine. Everybody wants to fight their case, until it's a couple months down the road and they're still sitting in jail, or they're scared of getting a criminal conviction, and no one wants to try the case.

Well I want to try the case! Pussies.

God, get some spine. Stop thinking of yourselves. Face it, you can afford to sacrifice a little freedom and peace of mind for the sake of me getting to go nutty in court.

Dude, Stop Fucking Calling Me

Look, I know you don't want to go to jail. But you're going to. And there ain't a goddamn thing I can do about it.

Not that I want to, of course. I think you should go to jail. You committed like 10 different crimes, then flipped your shit when you found out the judge wanted you to spend some time in jail. What the fuck did you expect?

Now you want me to try to do the impossible. File the Magic Motion. Convince the judge to put you on house arrest. Never mind the fact that I already asked the judge to put you on house arrest, and in no uncertain terms, he basically gave the legal equivalent of "Fuck you, you lowlife, stupid piece of shit. Rot in jail. Peace!" Remember how, after going on a tirade about how you went on a crime spree, the judge actually apologized for how worked up he got? Guess what? He wasn't apologizing to you. He was apologizing to everyone else in the court that witnessed him showing how he really felt, rather than being objective and level, as a judge is supposed to.

You know why it happened in the first place? Because you're a fuckup, and you fucked up, over and over. Then, after we worked out a sentence where half of your jail time would get stayed if you successfully completed alcohol treatment, then you go and ask him to give you a break on the rest of it. Like yeah, you really got a raw deal. I feel sorry for your sorry ass.

Guess what? You don't want to go to jail? STOP BREAKING THE LAW!

If you call me tomorrow, and I'm there to take the call, this is what I'm going to say:
"I'm sorry, Mr. ______. There's nothing more I can do for you. Take care."

Now, since you're so goddamned dense that you can't take a fucking hint, here's what it means:
"I hope you die. No, seriously. I hope you get pulled over by the police, just for being an asshole. I hope the cop comes up to your window and asks you a question. I hope you look at him and say something retarded, like you always do. And I hope that cop whips out his baton and bashes in your fucking skull. You know why I'd like to see that happen? Because I'm a man who appreciates justice. So fucking die already, you worthless, witless piece of human excrement."

Talk to you tomorrow, pal.

Resolved: Eat More Fried Food

Of all the things that make a man's life worth living, glory and fried food have to be two of the top five. So what better way to ring in the new year than inviting one's friends over, setting up a 30 quart deep fryer, and frying the shit out of some outrageously good food?

On the menu for the night: Deep-fried turkey. Deep-fried jalapeno poppers with bacon and cheese. Deep-fried tempura vegetables. And for dessert, deep-fried twinkies. Not to mention PH's ooey, gooey, melt-in-your-mouth, orgasm-inducing chocolate chip cookies which, while not deep fried, were spectacular nonetheless.

Also, note the roaring hippopotamus standing guart atop the candle, watching over the bountiful feast. Bad ass.

Our good friend Mr. Utah made the long, dark voyage from the barren wastelands of the BRF to join us, and his presence was extraordinary as always. First, he devised a phenomenal name for the new firm, "Ismael, Vice, Goliath & Slagathor" (edited to protect our respective last shreds of anonymity). Second, he whipped out quite possibly the greatest line of the night, and I quote: "I guarantee that in the modern age, Skeletor would get tons of poon." Touchee.

Pictured to the right is Mr. Utah being heinously violated by Mr. Ismael.

Finally, Mr. Ismael now requests that he be henceforth referred to as "The Frymaster."

Hope everyone else's New Years were as sweet as this one.

It's Official

To quote Flight of the Conchords, (in falsetto, singing) "It's business....it's business time!"

The legal supergroup MZRM's two greatest attorneys who still live in Madison will now be joining forces to create a partnership. Or an LLC. Or...one of those things. An L.L.Something. Just like L.L. Cool J. It'll be like Mama Said Knock You Out, At law.

So I don't know much about business. Fuck you.

Anyway, I've got a solid foundation for a client base, and Mr. Ismael is starting his as well. I've got money saved away that I forgot about, thus enabling me to not go broke immediately.

There's a lot to do, obviously. Finding office space. Finding office furniture. Developing a business plan. Developing a secret handshake. And most importantly, coming up with a name.

Community Justice Commandoes at Law, anyone?

Well I'll Be Damned

I didn't intend this to be a full movie review, but what the hell...

Evan Almighty

To my complete surprise, this movie didn't completely suck. Yeah, I know. It cost like $50,000 billion dollars to make, which is outrageous for a 90 minute comedy. I know, it's got Steve Carrell essentially playing Noah. And yeah, there's a flood. And Wanda Sykes. Re-fucking-diculous, I know.

Still, some of it was pretty good. For one thing, a movie that Steve Carrell signs off on can't be all bad. Logically, some of the writing had to be pretty funny, and.....it was. There were a few good jokes here and there. Also, the sheer absurdity of some the plot made it generally pretty amusing. And, I'll admit, it had some pretty cute moments, and a life-affirming story.

Granted, some of it was just lame. I'm kinda getting sick of the pro-environment plots coming out of some of today's comedies, and this was no exception. Not that I'm anti-environment, but a comedy with a pro-environment agenda bothers me along the lines of Shoot Em Up with an anti-gun policy. No thanks.

Also, there was an extended bit of slapstick humor during the ark-building scenes, where Steve Carrell injured himself in every way known to man, often repeating the same stupid mistake over and over, and often falling over for no apparent reason. I don't mind slapstick, but at least do it intelligently, and with a purpose.

All in all, I kinda liked the movie. Somebody got it for me for Christmas (not on my list), but I enjoyed it. So there.

My score: C+/B-
Recommendation: If you can step outside of your jaded, cynical selves and just try to enjoy it, it's not that bad. If you can't...well, I understand.

Road Rage

I'm not what one might call "tolerant" or "remotely patient" when driving. Though I have mellowed slightly in my old age (seriously, I have), I still feel the urge to scream at people a lot of the time. For example, people who slow down to look at car accidents. If you're slowing down because everyone ahead of you slowed down and you don't want to hit them, fine. But if you're slowing down to satisfy your own curiousity, fuck you.

Same with people who are already going the speed limit, then slow down when they see a cop. What the fuck are you afraid of, exactly? The police might start cracking down on people who drive less than five miles below the legal limit? Assholes.

Then today, when driving home on the Beltline, I encountered a vehicle driving 47 mph in the passing lane. All alone. No cars ahead of him, plenty of room to the side. I pulled pretty close behind him, and he kept puttering right along.

As far as I'm concerned, you want to drive slow, fine. But not in the far left lane. They don't call it the "passing lane" because of all the other drivers passing the people who drive in it. In some states, you're not even allowed to drive in the left lane for a certain distance when there are no other cars around. Where I come from, you can get shot for less.

Comic Books: Not Just For Dorks Anymore...Or I Have Become A Dork

I used to read comic books, way back in the day. If I had to guess, I'd say I was 7-8 years old. My older brother was the one who really liked them; I gave them a shot, and found they weren't too bad. If I remember correctly, I primarily read Batman comics; I doubt I read anything else. I never got too caught up in comics, though, because any interest I had was soon supplanted by my obsession for TV and movies. To me, they seemed infinitely more satisfying, and easier to follow. And they still do.

However, this year I've found myself going to the comic book stores more and more. Mainly because Joss Whedon, the creator of Buffy, Angel, and Firefly - possibly my three favorite fictional stories ever - has now expanded these universes into the comic book medium. Now, to be honest, there have already been Buffy and Angel comics floating around, and I never paid them any mind. Mostly because Joss himself wasn't writing them. At this time, the respective shows were still on the air (or in production of the movie, as with the continuation of Firefly). And Joss was involved in other comics, including a series called Fray and his take on the X-Men. But I never looked into those. Just not all that interested.

But then my shows ended. Firefly was taken off the air before I ever watched it; I caught it late on DVD, then saw the movie, which was awesome. Buffy ended the same year as Firefly, and went out in spectacular form. Angel was cancelled the following year, which was a travesty because it left all of the main characters in a precarious position in the final moments. Now, the TV series finale was awesome, and symbollicaly it was an excellent way for the show to go out, which made it less of a cliffhanger and more of an inevitability. However, myself and millions of others wanted to know what happend in that final battle, and got denied the chance. Similarly, although Firefly got made into a sweet-ass movie, it wasn't enough - there were so many stories left to be told, that just wouldn't, unless another movie comes out (which, at this point, doesn't seem all that likely.)

That is, until the comics came along. Not just comics telling side stories, actual canonical continuations written or supervised by Joss Whedon. Firefly came out with a three-issue set called "Those Left Behind" to bridge the gap between the end of the TV show and the start of the movie. Now a new series is set to come out in the spring called "Better Days," which I believe is also set prior to the beginning of the movie. In addition, a new graphic novel that tells the story of Book's past will also come out in the spring.

Joss also decided to continue Buffy in comics form, an official continuation referred to as Buffy Seaon 8, though it's not on television. So far there have been 8 issues, and have been relatively decent. I find that I still greatly prefer television to comics, and Buffy didn't really need to continue beyond its final TV episode, but...still good to see the familiar characters and universe that were so great on TV.

By contrast, I was extremely excited to hear the announcement of Angel: After the Fall, an official continuation of that show, which I felt really needed to continue so Joss could tell the story he intended. This isn't quite Angel Season 6, but something different - most of what was intended for that season is included, but the story is actually supposed to be much more epic in scope now, since there are no budget constraints on special effects, no problems with casting, none of the limitations a real TV show has. Of course, it has limitations specific to comics. The first issue was pretty good; rather than picking up directly where the season ended, it picks up in the near future, where some rather surprising issues with some of the characters have come up. It's still slightly hard to follow, as the writing isn't exactly "Point A, Point B, Point C." The writers (Joss and Brian Lynch) are trying not to reveal too much too early, and that's all well and good, but also leaves some genuine "What the fuck?" moments. All in all, good show, and issue 2 is out today.

So, although it's not perfect, comics have allowed the continuation of stories I love that got axed in television, which has led me into the world of comic book dorkery. It was inevitable, I suppose, but here I am.

Attention Motherfucker: Bring It

An open letter to the person who thought I hit their car, then left a profanity-filled note talking about how I was going to pay for it, which included no contact information or insurance information, and left before I got back:

Prove it.

I didn't hit your car. I had to park close to it because a snowbank had encroached on my spot. My door may have rested against your car when I opened it, but it did not scratch it. In fact, no part of my car scratched your car. You know how I can tell? Because there are no marks on my car whatsoever. If I had scratched up your car, as you claim, there would be some sort of mark on my vehicle. There's not. I've got the pictures to prove it.

You, on the other hand, have nothing. So come and get me, motherfucker.

The Most Nad-Mashing, Spine-Crunching Show on Television

I am referring, of course, to Ninja Warrior on the G4 channel, possibly the greatest thing to happen to television since "Dick in a Box." If you've never seen it (you poor bastards), let me break it down for you. Imagine an elaborate obstacle course testing your strength, agility, and endurance. Imagine four separate stages, and each is continually updated and revampted to further test the ability of the challengers. Imagine some absolutely incredible athletes in peak physical condition who become legitimate Ninja Warrior superstars through their repeated successes, who occasionally go nutty and build replica Ninja Warrior practice courses in their backyards for training purposes. Now imagine an assortment of other people from all walks of life who wish to challenge the grueling courses for themselves. Then throw in ridiculously enthusiastic announcer who exclaims every word in an overly-annunciated Japanese accent, and is not afraid to make vaguely inappropriate and often hilarious commentary.

Let me tell you, it's frickin' awesome.

Watching the true Ninja Warriors compete is amazing - the obstacles are ridiculous, and seeing them overcome is pretty sweet. Watching the common folk compete is generally pretty funny, because when someone fails, they plummet to the water in agony. And, for both the warriors and the commoners, there's always a fair amount of absolutely wicked-looking collisions and awkward tumbles. Some are funny, some are heart-breaking, especially when a competitor sinks to the water after nearly completing an obstacle.

G4 shows it like 12 hours a day, so it's hard to miss. I strongly encourage everyone to check it out.

When Calves Attack!

I've got massive calves. Let's not fuck around. I would estimate my calves to represent approximately 90% of my body mass (not including penis mass, of course. That's a whole separate entity). Now, generally my calves are a good thing. For one thing, they make a good conversation piece. Like when I go to the movies, and people behind me angrily ask why they can't see the screen, and I inform them it's just my calves. Then they're like, "Oh, yeah. Wow." Then they move away. Also, I've always been pretty athletic, and am pretty capable at most sports, despite my lack of technical skill in any of them. Being able to run fast or for long distances makes up for a lot, I've found. Particularly in soccer, which involves a whole lot of running and kicking.

However, every once in awhile, the calves revolt, as massive calves are wont to do. Specifically, they cramp up. Let me tell you, that's fucking scary shit. Once I was in a swimming pool at a YMCA, just kinda swimming by myself after a long day. I was just about to get out of the pool when all the sudden one of my calves cramped up. I literally could not move. I damn near drowned. I pretty much had to drag myself over to the wall and pull myself out of the water all by hand. Then, in my senior year of high school, I was playing in a soccer tournament, and I had not had enough water to drink that morning. Well, halfway into the second half I was chasing down an opponent who tried to dribble down the sideline. The moment I caught him, BOTH of my calves cramped up. I hit the floor. I couldn't move. My legs extended straight out, completely rigid, while the guy took the ball all the way down and scored.

It hadn't happened for awhile, but last night I had our last indoor soccer game of the season. We got through the game, a 9-1 shellacking because we did not have any substitutes. In other words, all six of us had to play all 50 minutes with no breaks except at halftime. Soon as the game was over, I walked to the sideline and attempted to remove my shoe. Only to have my left calve attack in force. Again, I was practically paralyzed from the waist down. I had to have my teammates drag me and all of my belongings out of the bench, then help me stretch my leg for like 10 minutes until it finally relaxed.

You know, it's kinda like having this giant pitbull, all bad-ass and powerful, who walks beside me and guards me against evil. I feed it, I strengthen it, and I'm damn proud of it. But every once in awhile the bastard turns on me and bites a chunk out of my unsuspecting ass.

Lesson the First

Things I've learned about the practice of criminal law so far:

1. Criminals make excellent return customers - Out of the approximately 20 clients I've had so far, most either start out with multiple cases or acquire an additional case (or 12) within a couple months.

2. DA's don't like to do any work - One of my clients had a preliminary hearing last week. When she had the audacity to go ahead with it rather than waive the hearing, the DA actually told that if she wanted the hearing he would go ahead and file another felony charge. True to his word, the bastard actually filed it. So, vindictive, lazy, or both?

3. Judges don't like criminals - Believe it or not. Especially those who commit 10 or more crimes, then whine when the judge wants them to sit in jail rather than on house arrest.

4. No one pays attention to motions - I'm still waiting on word regarding motions and demands I filed in September. I'm not keeping my fingers crossed. At this point, I feel like filing my "Motion to Dismiss Based on Imaginary Dragon," and see whether that gets me anywhere.

5. Criminals will lie to you - Either I'm an extremely trusting person, or my clients are damn convincing people. Either way, I've learned that every word a client says must be taken with a grain of salt that is approximately as large as your mom's hairy ass.

6. Caring about these people will ruin your life - Criminals or not, at the end of the day, they're just people. And people are sympathetic. Once you've heard their story, it's hard to say, "Yeah, you ought to sit in jail 'til your balls rot off." I don't like to see people lose their freedom, whether they deserve it or not. And when they do, I take it hard, as though I failed them somehow. Now I understand why criminal defense attorneys have to be assholes.

7. Disorderly Conduct can suck me - The most worthless statute I've ever seen in my life. It is the perfect law for prosecutors because absolutely any type of conduct they'd like to regulate can fall under 947.01. Let's break this bitch down a bit:
"Whoever, in a public or private place..." - This means it can occur anywhere on the face of the earth, including your own home.
"... engages in violent, abusive, indecent, profane, boisterous, unreasonably loud..." - Okay, so the law is limited to, well, pretty much any type of behavior when you're having a good time, including swearing, shouting, and cockslapping. But even if your particular behavior doesn't fall under one of those, it is still illegal if you can call it -
"...otherwise disorderly conduct..." - Otherwise disorderly? So, pretty much everything.
"... under circumstances in which the conduct tends to cause or provoke a disturbance." In other words, anything that provokes anyone in any way, or doesn't provoke someone but theoretically could, then it is illegal.
HOW THE FUCK IS THIS NOT OVERBROAD???

8. Being my own boss is as frightening as it is awesome - I set my own hours, I answer to no one. Bad-ass doesn't begin to describe that feeling. However, there is also no one to reign me in when I consider my "Motion to Dismiss Based on Imaginary Dragon" -type motions. No one to tell me that's a bad idea, or that I need to state certain things on the record, or that the outcome I'm looking for is probably illegal. It's just me. And it's kinda scary.

Well, anyway, that's what I've learned so far. Important lessons to take into my own business, where I shall continue my vendetta against disorderly conduct, file frivolous and outlandish motions, and try not to care when my clients (deservedly) go down in flames...

Favoritism

So I watch a lot of television. That's no secret. I've already reviewed my favorite shows - Buffy, Angel, the West Wing, Firefly, Veronica Mars, Battlestar Galactica, Lost, Alias, Smallville (kinda), and Heroes. Also, though I never reviewed it, the new version of Dr. Who on the BBC (the first season, anyway - the next DVD's havent' arrived yet). After watching these shows over and over and over, I have compiled a list of my favorite episodes of all time. My favorites, mind you, not the best episodes ever. Although, I chose these episodes with an eye toward what I felt best represented the strengths of each series.

Major spoilers abound if you haven't watched these shows, of course. Also, many of these are two-part episodes, and I included both parts (even though, generally, part 2 is always better and more important) because that's how the story was told. These are in no particular order, and not a complete list yet. I will probably put up 15 or so, and I will update this list as soon as I decide on my other favorites.

That said, here we go:

- Doctor Who - The Parting of the Ways - Season 1, Episode 12

For those of you unfamiliar with this British phenomenon, Dr. Who is a time-traveller who ventures back and forth through time to save humanity from various dastardly villains. Chief among them are the Daleks, a ridiculous-looking yet still terrifying race of robots, whom the Doctor had supposedly wiped out during the Time War. After a season's worth of thrills with his new companions Captain Jack and would-be love interest Rose, the Doctor learns that not only are the Daleks back, but they have Rose captive and are about to invade earth. The Doctor faces a choice of whether to wipe out the Daleks once more and destroy every single being on earth in the process in order to save all the other planets from the inevitable Dalek invasion. Heavy stuff, and well-acted as ever by the gleefully manic and intense Christopher Eccleston (also Claude on Heroes) as the Doctor.

- Angel - Lullaby (pts 1 & 2) - Season 3, Episodes 8 & 9

This show featured a vampire with a soul who, after a life of ruthlessly and sadistically killing humans, chose to atone for his crimes by protecting people from demons. The theme of redemption was prevalent throughout the 5 season this show aired, and none moreso than Season 3. Just when Angel had gotten everything on track, and finally had a glimmer of happiness come into his life, his horrific past came back to haunt him. Two centuries prior, Angel and his vampiric love, Darla, had terrorized a noble demon hunter and killed his children. Now, through some mystical miracle, Angel was about to have a son of his own. Queue the return of the demon hunter, who made a deal with a demon to travel two centuries in the future to finally exact his revenge, arriving just when Angel's own son was about to be born. The final moments are breath-taking.

- West Wing - Posse Comitatus - Season 3, Episode 22

The brilliant political drama's third season finale found Jed Barlett in the midst of a presidential re-election campaign, and tackled the heavy question of whether it is acceptable to use force in the absence of authorizing law. For a man dedicated to serving the people and upholding the law, Bartlett found himself struggling with the question of how to deal with a known terrorist who was essentially above capture by legal or diplomatic means. This episode also presented Jed's face to face meeting with his opponent for president, as well as the shocking murder of CJ's secret service protector, with Jeff Buckley's haunting rendition of "Hallelujah" in the background.

- Firefly - Serenity (pts 1 & 2) - Season 1, Pilot

For some ungodly reason, the FOX executives decided that the original pilot for Firefly did not have enough action, so they decided to air it out of order, skipping this two-part episode and airing "Train Job" first. This, of course, was the worst decision ever made by anyone since Hitler decided to launch a winter invasion of Russia (itself the worst decision ever made by anyone since Napoleon tried the same thing). To me, the original pilot for Whedon's space opera still stands as a perfect encapsulment of the show. Plenty of action, plenty of character development, and so many classic moments, it felt like a mini-movie unto itself. Mal shooting the horse. Mal shooting the Alliance agent without any hesitation. Mal pretending that Kaylee had died, as a wicked practical joke on Simon. Absolutely perfect.

More to come...

The Perils of Hunting Cheney

Here's to not knowing when to quit. Presidential candidate and noted leprechaun Dennis Kucinich has proposed a resolution to impeach Vice President Cheney. That resolution is now headed to the House Judiciary Committee for further deliberation. This impeachment resolution alleges "high crimes and misdemeanors" by Cheney in the events leading up to the Iraq war. For those of us who have been counting the minutes until the Bush/Cheney (debacle) ticket expires, this is great news, right?

Well, no. I'm not even talking about the fact that it won't work. Seriously, let's say it did - that Cheney was voted out on his ass. Big blow to the GOP, right? I mean, Bush is still in the high seat, but at least the devil on his shoulder is cast back to the pit where he belongs, right? If nothing else, it's a moral victory.

If I'm not mistaken, "moral victory" in this case would be about the equivalent of "Pyrrhic victory." Kicking Cheney out now won't do any good. We can't undo the past by tagging Cheney's fat ass. At this point, there is no point. Not only that, it could make things much, much worse.

What I'm more worried about, other than simply an empty victory, is the fact that the White House would need a new VP. That means some Republican would be elevated to the Vice Presidency. Is this what we want, now, at the beginning of a presidential election campaign when the GOP really doesn't have all that strong of a front-runner? It's still damn early in the campaign - anything can happen at this point. So forcing the current VP out runs the risk of elevating another stalwart Republican with eyes on the nation's throne into an executive office position of leadership. Good idea.

Now, say what you will about the whether there's actual power in the VP position. I don't think the VP's such an empty shirt role anymore. What more evidence do you need that the VP position has real power than Cheney? If he were just some guy waiting for the President to die so he could take the starting spot, would people really be out for blood right now trying to bring him down?

Maybe the GOP doesn't have anyone ready who could step into the VP spot, and would also be a legitimate presidential candidate. But I don't think that's a risk worth taking to find out. I say if you want a change in leadership, swallow the bitter pill of waiting for this one to expire and concentrate your efforts on ensuring that something better replaces them.

Felons!!

Vice just picked up his first felony (client) today. Preliminary Hearing set for Thursday morning. First evidentiary hearing I've had since I entered the defense game.

Also, I'll start posting more soon. I've been working much harder than I'd care to lately, leaving me little time. I'm readying a list of top 10-15 favorite television episodes, though. Be warned.

Vice Law Offices, S.C. : Serving Your Mom Since 2007

Well it's official - no one wants to hire me. That's fine. I say screw you guys, I'm going home. By "home," I am of course referring to my own business. I'm sorry it's come to this, but it had to happen sooner or later. So here's to being my own boss, setting my own hours, and hopefully working with a bad-ass partner.