Screw You, Gravity

Those of you who spot me lurking around the law building over the next couple days might notice a large bandage on my right arm. In case you were wondering, yes, I was bitten by a mastodon. But you can save your sympathy; as retaliation, I punched a hole through the time-space continuum, went back in time, and exterminated his entire race. So if you've been noticing a distinct lack of mastodons in the wild lately (say, the past 10,000 years or so), now you know why.

That's the official story behind my new war wound, anyway. If you really want to know what happened, I was stomping up the stairs in a rather Godzilla-esque fashion when my sandal caught on the edge of the step. In a rare display of less than ninja-like grace, I pitched forward and slammed against the hand rail. As I tumbled forward onto the platform, the railing scraped against my arm and shredded part of the skin. After crashing to the ground, I immediately sprung up into attack position in case there were any bystanders who needed "silencing;" luckily for all involved, there were none. I then proceeded to Police class, where I cried softly for an hour and a half. Those tears fell to the table, where they coalesced to form a liquid cyborg, who promptly returned to the stairwell and savagely smashed the stairwell to pieces. (I would have done this myself, but attendance was required.)

Or so the legned goes. I may have just gone to the library, washed off the wound, and grabbed me a big-ass band-aid. I guess no one will ever know for sure.