I took an appointed case for a young woman a couple months back, and that case is now resolved. Her mother was a codefendant in the case, and she was at her daughter's hearing. The mother did not have an attorney. Her own pretrial came up, and now she asked if I could represent her. This was two days prior to the hearing, mind you. I thought fuck it - I've read the police reports, I know the facts, I don't need to do any investigation. Just a phone call to the DA, a brief appearance at the hearing, and it would be over. I decided to take it pro bono.
I called the DA to negotiate. She couldn't talk to me because she thought I had a conflict of interest. Fine, that's fair. So I got a written waiver of conflict of interest from the mother.
Today I go to the hearing. Stand there for an hour, because the DA's can't find the file. Finally they get it, and ask to speak with me. Then the DA says she can't speak with me about the case because I have a conflict of interest. I told her I got a written waiver. She says I need one from the other client too, and explains how there could be all sorts of things that could happen if one testifies and says something against the other's interest, or I bring up something said in confidence said by one. Okay, I suppose that could theoretically happen, but how is that the DA's problem? Isn't that my problem?
Whatever. I tell them I can get the waiver no problem. They say I still might not be able to represent her. Nigga what? "You should call the Ethics Hotline," she says. Aw, helllllllll no. Don't fucking tell me I need to get waivers, but if I get waivers, you still can't speak to me.
Mind you, I'm just being a nice guy here. I'm not getting paid. I just wanted to help her out. Fact is, IF I do any more work on this case, and I get a waiver and the DA still won't talk to me, I'll cockslap her so hard her teeth fall out.
Lesson learned: Don't ever try to help people.
3 comments:
You know what, dude? You should continue to help people. But you should then come back and demand that they repay you tenfold. So, like, you're representing this woman for free, right? And you'd normally charge, what, $150 an hour, let's say. And you've probably spent like three hours on the whole thing. So that's about $450. I think she now owes you $4,500. Or the equivalent. And if she can't pay up, then, fuck it, she owes you her car. And if she doesn't own a car, then guess what, pal--you're moving into her apartment and eating her fucking food for a couple of months. Awesome.
Um...that's great, except she lives on Allied Drive. I guarantee I'd rather live in my apartment and eat my own food for a couple months.
Ethics hotline? It seems to me that you're missing a basic step...rule 1.0 of Professional Responsibility: Punch through a concrete pillar!
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