Wasp, the Hunted

Long ago, circa 2007, I gave up my full-time ninjaing career to go into the practice of law. Questionable as that decision was, you'll be happy to know it hasn't required me to give up the practice of ninjitsu altogether. Our office has been the target of bug attacks from time to time. Every now and again, we will get bees or wasps. Tuesday we had a wasp attack. Though my skills proved to be a little rusty, but still lethal.

Let me set the scene. This wasp was roughly 4 feet long, with a 6 foot wing span, much like a baby pterodactyl. It zoomed down from our blinds at the front of the room and began swooping around at us, trying to gouge our skulls. Then it would just fly back to the blinds and hide in the upper corner atop some metal thingy. Mr. Ismael and I decided to take action, and approached the beast from the south. Not having my weapon of choice, the nunchaku, I settled for a legal pad, with the intent to swat at the sucker when it came flying back for another pass. However, the beast soon grew wise to my intention, and chose to remain hidden atop the metal thingy near the ceiling rather than face my wrath. But I would not let this (non)aggression stand.

So I did the only logical thing. I chucked the legal pad at the metal thingy. While it missed the wasp by a couple inches, it stuck into the wall like a shuriken (ninja star). With thanks to Ryan, here is the picture to prove it:

Naturally, the wasp was so intimidated that, well, it remained hidden. For a moment, we briefly considered throwing Ismael's legal pad at the other legal pad to get it down, but were concerned the second legal pad would also become stuck, thereby rendering the situation hopelessly ridiculous. Instead, I approached the window, reefed the first legal pad down, and we waited. When the beast flew down across the window, Ismael began striking with his legal pad. I believe he was able to stun the beast until it fell into a crevasse on the window sill, at which point Ismael retreated in case the wasp got angry and launched a desperation strike.

Before it could, however, I moved in and smashed the monstrosity with my legal pad until its head collapsed, thus ending the threat, and restoring peace to the office.