How Morally Turpitudinous Are You?

I decided to stick around for Criminal Litigation today, and truthfully, I’m glad I did. That’s because in discussing immigration, we got a crash course on what offenses constitute moral turpitude. Why? This is the standard used in evaluating whether immigrants should be convicted for committing crimes. I have to say, I was a bit surprised by what the courts say involves moral turpitude and what does not. Thus the inspiration for a new challenge - -

How Morally Turpitudinous Are You?

Are you a deviant, incorrigible person with loose morals? Are you a rebel who will never be any good? Do you think you have what it takes to be morally turpitudinous?

Put yourself to the challenge. The following is a list of laws. Some of these laws involve moral turpitude, while others are just posers, according to American courts. Look over this list, decide which of these you have broken recently, and decide which you think are morally turp'd out. Then find out whether you are indeed morally turpitudinous, or just wish you were.

1. Aggravated Stalking
2. Loan-sharking
3. Bastardy
4. Possession of Stolen Bus Transports
5. Intent to Ravish
6. Fornication
7. Possession of a Sawed-Off Shotgun
8. Possession of Burglary Tools
9. Obtaining a Pell Grant by Fraud
10. Lewdness
11. Malicious Mischief
12. Smuggling Aliens
13. Altering a False Document
14. Homicide by Reckless Conduct
15. Purchase of Food Stamps for Cash
16. Mayhem
17. Failure to Support Wife and Child
18. Loitering in a Public Place to Solicit Men
19. Atrocious Assault and Battery
20. Vagrancy

Answers:
1. Aggravated Stalking - Turpitudinous! - This means stop checking your ex-boyfriend's emails, bitches.
2. Loan-sharking - Non-turpitudinous! - I think anything involving sharks out to be at least a little turpish, but I'll defer to the courts.
3. Bastardy - Non-turpitudinous! - Again, I question the wisdom on this. I think being a bastard is pretty damn turpitudinous. But all you bastards out there, keep it up - you're legally in the clear.
4. Possession of Stolen Bus Transports - Turpitudinous! - That's right - put those stolen bus transports down, you derelicts, lest we kick your ass back to Australia.
5. Intent to Ravish - Turpitudinous! - Yeah, this is unfortunate. I like to ravish just as much as the next red-blooded American, but courts frown upon this. Oh well.
6. Fornication - Non-turpitudinous! - Well, at least down and dirty doin' it is okay. Just don't do it with too much enthusiasm, because you're in ravishing territory, buster.
7. Possession of a Sawed-Off Shotgun - Non-turpitudinous! - Hell yeah! 2nd Amendment lives on, even for dirty, dirty immigrants.
8. Possession of Burglary Tools - Non-turpitudinous! -That's a relief. My breaking and entering days are still well ahead of me.
9. Obtaining a Pell Grant by Fraud - Turpitudinous! - The moral here - you take our money, we boot your ass. I can't agree more.
10. Lewdness - Turpitudinous! - Good. Fratney's getting booted. Hopefully she won't enjoy it.
11. Malicious Mischief - Non-turpitudinous! - Another relief here. I love to get my mischief on, and I rarely mess with people I don't hate.
12. Smuggling Aliens - Non-turpitudinous! - So if you see anything with a giant green head, ten or more appendages, and a laser gun, you have full authorization to stuff that sucker in the trunk and go joy riding.
13. Altering a False Document - Turpitudinous! - Even though the document is already incorrect, you better not mess with it.
14. Homicide by Reckless Conduct - Non-turpitudinous! - Well I'll be damned. Smash someone to the death with a vehicle, sure, but you better not steal anybody's bus transports, or you're gone.
15. Purchase of Food Stamps for Cash - Turpitudinous! - Food stamps are for queers.
16. Mayhem - Turpitudinous! - Unfortunate. I love mayhem.
17. Failure to Support Wife and Child - Non-turpitudinous! - That's a big "fuck you" to all my baby's mommas, and all my babies still waiting for those checks. Keep checking that mail box, suckers!!
18. Loitering in a Public Place to Solicit Men - Turpitudinous! - That's right, Andy. The INS is onto you.
19. Atrocious Assault and Battery - Turpitudinous! - Hmm...I'm wondering what the word "atrocious" applies to. The character of the act, or the quality of the act. Like if you're beating someone up, but you're barely making an impact, I'd consider that atrocious.
20. Vagrancy - Non-turpitudinous! - This is flat out outrageous. Bunch of damn hippie-ass justices on this one, apparently. Oh well.

So there you have it. And now, to interpret your results:

Personal Turpitude
0-4 laws violated - Ain't got no turp in you, dog
5-10 laws violated - Wannabe
11-15 laws violated - On your way to a nice career in turpitudity
16-18 laws violated - You've got serious turpitude skizzies
19-20 laws violated - Turp'd to the fullest

Knowledge of Turpitude
0-4 correct - You don't know nothin' but no turp'n
5-10 correct - Only vaguely familiar with the art of turp
11-15 correct - You've seen some turpitude in your day
16-18 correct - You know your turpitudiousityism
19-20 correct - You wrote the book on turpitude, yo

!!