Red Tape

The clerk of courts office in Winnebago County is dangerously close to incurring my wrath. I'm attempting to finish up my Character and Fitness application for the State Bar of Nazi Germany, in time to avoid paying the ridiculous $310 charge, so that I can instead pay only the equally ridiculous $210 charge. I'm already thinking fuck that, this state ought to pay me for the privilege of having me practice "law" here. Unless this is a prospective fee for all of the concrete pillars I intend to knock down in the near future. Whatever.

Anyway, I plodded along through all of the outrageously tedious requirements they already asked for, including every address I've lived at, every job I've worked in the last 10 years, as well as contact info for my supervisor from each, and the names and contact info for 6 people who supposedly can attest to my not being a psychopath, or at least a sufficiently ethical psychopath so as to be fit to practice "law" in this state. Done.

Now all that remains is getting information on all my old traffic tickets, which conveniently disappeared off of CCAP this fall. Fine. Called the clerk of courts yesterday around 3:30. Nobody's home. Oh, I forgot, their workday ends at 3:30pm. After all, they're state employees. (No small coincidence, I suppose, that I'm going to be one too.) I called back a couple times later, no answer. I should know better.

So I call back bright and early this morning. They divert me to traffic, where some complete asshole explains to me that he can't just give me that information (won't, more like it), I need to either have someone go to their office (presumably when they're open, between 9am and 9:35 am each day) and pick up a disposition report. Or I can send them a self-addressed, stamped envelope, and they can do a full background check, and send it to me within a week. I just wanted him to read me a few bits of info, but no - he's too busy. I guess his "rest of the day off" break was coming up. I came dangerously close to hanging up on his muppet ass. Called back a few minutes later, and got a woman. Very friendly this time - she says all my info should be on CCAP still. I say it's not. She says it is for her, I say I'll check again and call back if I have a problem. I check, it's not there. I call back.

This time I get a different lady who tells me I'll have to pay for a full background check, she won't just give me that info. It'll take a week, if the girl that does the background checks isn't busy this week. I asked her if I could just have someone pick up a disposition report, like that other guy said. She says no -- disposition this. I politely thanked her, and hung up.

Apparently these asswipes can't take 5 minutes to give me the information I need, which is, of course, a public record. It's not like I'm asking for reports from the Pentagon.

So I'm calling back in about a half hour, and I'm just going to see if I can get the case numbers and dates, that's all. If they can't give me that much, I'm driving back to Oshkosh this afternoon (which is pointless, because they won't be there) or tomorrow to crack a couple skulls 'til the information I need pours out.

UPDATE - I called again, asked if I could get just the date of violation for each. Do I have the citation number? No (you retard, because if I had that, I'd run the information myself, or I'd have the damn citation with me, with would have all of the info I need). Well then, you're going to have to pay for a background check. CLICK.

UPDATE - Thought about calling back, hoping to get someone else, and explain the situation. Decided - fuck 'em. The Board of Bar Examiners will take what I give them. I put the info in to the form, to the best of my ability. So I don't have the inital court date on a seat belt violation. Disbar my fat ass (or preemptively disbar). The form does say "Fill in as much as possible." I did that, notwithstanding having to pay for a full background check on myself. That's all, folks.