Go Away, Moosei

It appears that an increased snowfall in Anchorage, Alaska has led many moosei to start wandering around the streets like common transients, bitching because they don't like walking in the snow and that the snow keeps soaking through their brown paper bags, causing their bottles of wine to fall to the ground. As a result, more and more will be getting hit by cars, and starving to death because they can't find food. Meanwhile, others will be pouring in from the mountains, trying to get away from the extreme temperatures, and to take jobs away from hard-working urban moosei.

It's just sickening. Don't get me wrong, I can't stand the snow most of the time either. But I'm going to school, I'm working part-time, and so I spend most of my time indoors. Now, if these lazy-ass vagabond moosei would quit their bitchin' and get themselves some work, they could avoid the harsh weather conditions. Instead, they're probably going to start hanging around laundromats and public parks, assaulting good citizens, and dropping dead in our yards. Apparently, once they die in someone's yard, the body belongs to the citizen, and its their job to dispose of the moose carcass. Just like a transient, imposing themselves on everyone else. I'm already fed up with sweeping out the dead homelii from the lobby of my apartment; no way in hell I'd put up with moose carcass added to the piles.

So to the moose population of Anchorage and surrounding areas, I suggest you shape up and start being productive members of society. For instance, hold gladiator-style fights against one another, and charge a nominal admission. Or at the very least, if you're going to drop dead, do it out in the wilderness, so we don't have to deal with your fat, stinking corpses.