Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Two Words

First jury trial since July 2008.

Three charges. One dismissed without going to jury.

Verdicts reached on remaining two charges.

Each verdict had two words.

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

Friday, December 18, 2009

This is Why Technology Rules

This morning I had a two-hour dentist appointment for some in-depth gum cleaning procedure. Sounds horrible, you say? It would have been, except I was allowed to listen to my Ipod during the whole thing. Sure it was still uncomfortable, but I was listening to Zeppelin. So instead of hearing awful, screeching dentistry equipment, I was hearing When the Levee Breaks and Immigrant Song.

2009 is a good time to be alive.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Wasp, the Hunted

Long ago, circa 2007, I gave up my full-time ninjaing career to go into the practice of law. Questionable as that decision was, you'll be happy to know it hasn't required me to give up the practice of ninjitsu altogether. Our office has been the target of bug attacks from time to time. Every now and again, we will get bees or wasps. Tuesday we had a wasp attack. Though my skills proved to be a little rusty, but still lethal.

Let me set the scene. This wasp was roughly 4 feet long, with a 6 foot wing span, much like a baby pterodactyl. It zoomed down from our blinds at the front of the room and began swooping around at us, trying to gouge our skulls. Then it would just fly back to the blinds and hide in the upper corner atop some metal thingy. Mr. Ismael and I decided to take action, and approached the beast from the south. Not having my weapon of choice, the nunchaku, I settled for a legal pad, with the intent to swat at the sucker when it came flying back for another pass. However, the beast soon grew wise to my intention, and chose to remain hidden atop the metal thingy near the ceiling rather than face my wrath. But I would not let this (non)aggression stand.

So I did the only logical thing. I chucked the legal pad at the metal thingy. While it missed the wasp by a couple inches, it stuck into the wall like a shuriken (ninja star). With thanks to Ryan, here is the picture to prove it:

Naturally, the wasp was so intimidated that, well, it remained hidden. For a moment, we briefly considered throwing Ismael's legal pad at the other legal pad to get it down, but were concerned the second legal pad would also become stuck, thereby rendering the situation hopelessly ridiculous. Instead, I approached the window, reefed the first legal pad down, and we waited. When the beast flew down across the window, Ismael began striking with his legal pad. I believe he was able to stun the beast until it fell into a crevasse on the window sill, at which point Ismael retreated in case the wasp got angry and launched a desperation strike.

Before it could, however, I moved in and smashed the monstrosity with my legal pad until its head collapsed, thus ending the threat, and restoring peace to the office.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Two Rings to Rule Them All

I trust that all (3) of you who read this know the happy news and were there for the event itself. But in case there are any stragglers, hear this: The two great powers from west (Eau Claire) and east (Oshkosh) have joined, united by the power of their rings; she of the Side Diamonds, most notable for blinding well-wishers and opponents from any angle; and he of the Mimetic Poly-alloy, most notable for creating T-1000's. Much congratulations and fealty are owed.

And many thanks to all of you who helped make two geeks very happy on their special day.

Monday, September 14, 2009

The Marriagator

I have now officiated a wedding. Check that one off in the List Of Stuff I Had No Idea I'd Ever Do But It's Aight. Actually, the whole thing was pretty badass. I didn't have to get ordained, or even go online and sign up the United Church of People Who Appreciate Jesus and Bears Holding Sharks or anything. In Colorado, anybody can do it. That's just how they roll.

The upshot is that, if anybody wants a rogue wedding, I can do it. I'm pretty sure I am now able to roam the Colorado countryside pronouncing marriages left and right.

This is a power they would have been wise not to give me. I can tell you this much - next time I go to CO, there are gonna be some pretty suprised newlyweds.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


The revised draft of my book went to printing yesterday. I hesitate to call it a second draft, because really it's a second first draft. It's progress either way, because the story has definitely improved. It just sucks that it took nearly 2 years to finish the first first draft, and just under a year to finish the second first draft. At this rate, in just a few years' time, I'll already be on my fifth first draft.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Higher Learning

Today, over lunch, I watched the last 30 minutes of XXX: State of the Union for legitimate research and educational purposes. Swear to God.