I could never be a Luddite. (Or neo-Luddite, or whatever is correct - the guys that oppose technology.) I'm not one of those people who would rather have been born in the 1800's, or 1950's, or whatever. I loves me my technologies. As an attorney and an aspiring writer of bad-ass sci-fi/fantasy, I love my laptop to death. I've tried writing on a typewriter before, and it's fun for the first 30 seconds, until you want to rewrite something, and then you pretty much have to scrap the whole project and start over. I love the internets. I love cell phones. I love rocket-guided missiles that can shoot down satellites and filthy Russians. I love laser pointers that drive cats nuts. I love special effects. I love fuel-injected cars. I hate robots, but I like TV shows about blowing robots up.
Still, technology has been biting me in the ass lately with its robotic teeth. Witness my partner in law's account of yesterday, which felt a lot like it must have felt to be a Holocaust victim (if, in fact, such a thing happened).
And more and more, I'm seeing technology that I just don't need or want. For instance, the magical paper towel dispensers that you just wave at and they dispense towels. Or the sinks that you wave at and they dispense water. I know the theory behind each is the reduction of germs, because you don't have to contact these surfaces with your hands. But when I stand in front of these things waving my hands in vain and getting no towels or water, I feel like a fucking retard. I don't know why, but some of these things you either have to wave your hands just right, or else nothing you can do will trigger them. Either way, same result - I stand there unable to perform a ridiculously simple task, just because some toolbag decided we needed to upgrade our hand washing/drying to the point where we can't wash/dry our hands anymore. Keep that shit -- I'll stick with the manual method.
Also, I still can't access any of my bank accounts.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Monday, February 11, 2008
Throwing Off the Yoke Of Oppression
The transformation is complete - my home is now 150% Charter-free. After years of putting up with Charter's bullshit, Vice has gone satellite, and oh what a wonderful feeling it is. Let's recount the highlights of Charter's reign of terror:
- The first time I had Charter, my payments were made by Charter taking automatic withdrawals from my checking account each month. After a semester of unemployment, my checking account was just about running on empty going into the summer. Then, when I cancelled my service, Charter automatically deducted $90 from my account. Why? There weren't any cancellation fees, or fees for failing to return my shit, or money I owed from previous months. No, it was a "We're going to try to fuck you over and hope you don't watch your account transactions carefully" fee. Naturally, that $90 put me in the red and left me putting everything on my charge card until my summer internship started paying off. My parents were actually floating me their loose change to carry me over for a few weeks. And, of course, Charter couldn't just put the money back in my account. Oh no. For some reason, it took over two months before I saw that money again. Assholes.
- In the fall of 2007, PH decided to get Charter for her apartment, which I was fortunate enough to frequent regularly. After a couple months, Charter determined that PH was late with her payments, and decided to shut off her service completely. Of course, they had been paid in full. PH tried to explain this, to no avail. When they refused to turn the service back on, PH chose to stop paying for realz. As a matter of principle, of course, she never obtained service at that apartment again, and due to Charter's blatant douchebaggery, we struggled through fuzzy antenna television stations and no convenient internet access for about eight months before finally moving out. Assholes.
- After moving to a new apartment, we (reluctantly) signed up with Charter once again, since they basically own Madison. After obtaining cable and internet for reasonable rates for the first six months, the introductory period ended, and the infamous price increases took effect, sending our bill up approximately $30/month. That, of course, was expected. At the same time, however, Charter chose to eliminate the lower levels of internet speeds they previously offered, forcing everyone to receive and pay the correspondingly higher rate for 5mb internet. This increased our bill by an additional $20/month. So, in the course of one month, we went from paying approximately $70/month to paying $120/month with very little change in the actual services we received. Assholes.
- And let's not forget Charter's dicktastic refusal to work out something with the Big Ten Network, thereby depriving Madisonians from the ability to watch BTN-broadcast Badger football (and other sports) from the comfort of their own homes, forcing us into packed sportsbars with limited visibility of the game. Then they had the gall to air ads portraying themselves as the good guy fighting for the viewers, blaming the Big Ten Network for the whole thing. The Big Ten Network may be a steaming pile, but if you fuckers think for one hot second I'm gonna believe you give half a shit about your viewers, think again. Assholes.
Ultimately, the price increase was the last straw. We hit the phone book and did a little research, and decided to switch to TDS. Now we have local phone, internet, satellite TV, and DVR for about $100/month, with a guarantee that prices will not increase in the next 2 years.
Plus, the DVR is amazing. No longer are we slaves to the broadcast times, having to be home and ready to watch at exactly the right moments, having to stop what we're doing at certain intervals or miss what we want to see. One of the most satisfying moments came just half an hour ago, when the Colbert Report began, and I was in the kitchen making myself a gi-fucking-normous bowl of popcorn. I still had a minute of popping left to go when the show began, and as much as I love the popcorn piping hot out of the microwave, I didn't want to miss the opening minutes. Then the realization hit - I didn't have to. I waited, cracked open my popcorn, and poured myself a drink, all while Colbert was up and running. Then I sat down, ate my popcorn, and rewound to the start of the show. Awesome.
Right now I'm watching Ninja Warrior. There's not even any Ninja Warrior on right now.
Of course, TDS could also prove to be complete cockbags. But I'm confident that any type of shit they might pull will pale in comparison to the festering anal wart that is Charter Communications. Goodbye, and good riddance.
- The first time I had Charter, my payments were made by Charter taking automatic withdrawals from my checking account each month. After a semester of unemployment, my checking account was just about running on empty going into the summer. Then, when I cancelled my service, Charter automatically deducted $90 from my account. Why? There weren't any cancellation fees, or fees for failing to return my shit, or money I owed from previous months. No, it was a "We're going to try to fuck you over and hope you don't watch your account transactions carefully" fee. Naturally, that $90 put me in the red and left me putting everything on my charge card until my summer internship started paying off. My parents were actually floating me their loose change to carry me over for a few weeks. And, of course, Charter couldn't just put the money back in my account. Oh no. For some reason, it took over two months before I saw that money again. Assholes.
- In the fall of 2007, PH decided to get Charter for her apartment, which I was fortunate enough to frequent regularly. After a couple months, Charter determined that PH was late with her payments, and decided to shut off her service completely. Of course, they had been paid in full. PH tried to explain this, to no avail. When they refused to turn the service back on, PH chose to stop paying for realz. As a matter of principle, of course, she never obtained service at that apartment again, and due to Charter's blatant douchebaggery, we struggled through fuzzy antenna television stations and no convenient internet access for about eight months before finally moving out. Assholes.
- After moving to a new apartment, we (reluctantly) signed up with Charter once again, since they basically own Madison. After obtaining cable and internet for reasonable rates for the first six months, the introductory period ended, and the infamous price increases took effect, sending our bill up approximately $30/month. That, of course, was expected. At the same time, however, Charter chose to eliminate the lower levels of internet speeds they previously offered, forcing everyone to receive and pay the correspondingly higher rate for 5mb internet. This increased our bill by an additional $20/month. So, in the course of one month, we went from paying approximately $70/month to paying $120/month with very little change in the actual services we received. Assholes.
- And let's not forget Charter's dicktastic refusal to work out something with the Big Ten Network, thereby depriving Madisonians from the ability to watch BTN-broadcast Badger football (and other sports) from the comfort of their own homes, forcing us into packed sportsbars with limited visibility of the game. Then they had the gall to air ads portraying themselves as the good guy fighting for the viewers, blaming the Big Ten Network for the whole thing. The Big Ten Network may be a steaming pile, but if you fuckers think for one hot second I'm gonna believe you give half a shit about your viewers, think again. Assholes.
Ultimately, the price increase was the last straw. We hit the phone book and did a little research, and decided to switch to TDS. Now we have local phone, internet, satellite TV, and DVR for about $100/month, with a guarantee that prices will not increase in the next 2 years.
Plus, the DVR is amazing. No longer are we slaves to the broadcast times, having to be home and ready to watch at exactly the right moments, having to stop what we're doing at certain intervals or miss what we want to see. One of the most satisfying moments came just half an hour ago, when the Colbert Report began, and I was in the kitchen making myself a gi-fucking-normous bowl of popcorn. I still had a minute of popping left to go when the show began, and as much as I love the popcorn piping hot out of the microwave, I didn't want to miss the opening minutes. Then the realization hit - I didn't have to. I waited, cracked open my popcorn, and poured myself a drink, all while Colbert was up and running. Then I sat down, ate my popcorn, and rewound to the start of the show. Awesome.
Right now I'm watching Ninja Warrior. There's not even any Ninja Warrior on right now.
Of course, TDS could also prove to be complete cockbags. But I'm confident that any type of shit they might pull will pale in comparison to the festering anal wart that is Charter Communications. Goodbye, and good riddance.
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