Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The Finer Things

Today I've taken a moment to reflect on one of the best parts of my move to Madison a few years back. There are several, of course, not the least of which are (1) my fiancee, (2) my friends, and (3) my job. Next on that list may have to be food. Now, this is not to say that before coming to Madison, I did not eat food. Some may claim that I didn't eat "real" food -- i.e. that I ate only fast food, junk food, and packaged food. This is largely true, though I did grow up with home-cooked meals and parents who tried desperately to get me to eat vegetables. But that's really not the point either. Nor is the point that after coming here, I branched out from the All-American diet to eat a wide(r) variety of foods, such as sushi, Indian food, Tex-Mex food, gyros, and (all thanks to Mr. Utah) cheap Chinese food. And even the occasional salad.

The real point I'm trying to make is that before coming here, I didn't know the correct way to enjoy the foods I liked. And I'll thank my friends for setting me straight on these. Here are some expamples of what I'm talking about:

Steak - Before I came here, I didn't give much regard to how a steak was cooked. Steak was steak, and always welcome unless it was rare. I assumed rare was gross, based primarily on the common hyperboles (serve it bloody; knock its horns off, wipe its ass, put it down on my plate, etc.). I believed that A-1 was a necessity to really enjoy steak. But now I know better. Now I know well done doesn't translate to done better. In fact, I know that any steak cooked beyond medium rare may as well be a blackened lump of shit. And I know that steak sauce, while tasty, is never necessary unless you're eating a terrible steak. And if it's that bad, what's the point?

Ranch - Back in Oshkosh, ranch was just a dressing. Here, it's the wonder condiment. Got a burger and fries, but no ketchup? Dip 'em in ranch. Got a pizza that's perfectly fine on its own? Dip it in ranch. Now it tastes twice as good. Got a mystery meat that's been in the fridge for an untold number of months, and no money for other food? Dip that fucker in ranch. Now it's gourmet. I cringe when I think of how many times I'd be stuck at home with a fridge full of food and a bottle of ranch, but never thought to start picking things at random and seeing what happened rather than resorting to another box of mac and cheese. Or at least, never having slathered the mac and cheese in ranch. Now that's an idea...

Which brings me to the main event -

Cheese - Before law school, my world involved four kinds of cheese: cheddar (yellow cheese), mozarella (white cheese), parmesan in a shaker (ground cheese), and cheese curds (yellow or white). I knew there were other cheeses out there, but they were so strange and foreign, I never really strayed from the big 4. And why bother? Yellow cheese went with everything. It was mild and pleasant and worked with 95% of my cheese cravings. Mozarella was strictly for pizzas, and parmesan was to only supplement the mozarella. Cheese curds were strange and exotic, a luxury item my parents brought back on occasion. I had tried others, of course. Blue cheese was gross. Sharp cheddar tasted funny. Anything else was just a minor variation on yellow cheese. So no need to venture elsewhere.

Then I came here and saw the light. People swore by sharp cheddar, so I gave it another shot. Turns out, it was just like the yellow cheese, only you could actually taste it. And it was damn good. Also, there's an actual block of cheese called parmesan. It doesn't just come in a shaker. And the cheese block is a billion times better. Blue cheese is like a flavor injection for steaks, burgers, and wings. Plus, all the other cheeses have their place for different occasions. Now, one of my favorite past times is hitting up the local Brennans and sampling 10-20 different cheese and cracker combinations.

And that's the real point - if I had never come here, I may have lived my whole life without discovering these things. So I just wanted to say thanks to all my friends and the wisdom they've imparted. Here's hoping I can return the favor some day.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Right...

Quote of the day:

My fiancee, trying to sell me on seeing the new Nicolas Cage move:

"It's going to be like National Treasure, but with more math."

Monday, March 09, 2009

Truthiness

Just caught the Colbert Report from March 5th. In case you missed it, the Tip of the Hat/Wag of the Finger section was brilliant. Here Colbert applauds Rush Limbaugh for re-writing the Constitution, then scolds Sean Hannity for whatever theoretical comment Hannity must have made to lead Hannity to begin praising all things Rush. Colbert then divines what that theoretical comment must have been, and it's a doozy. Watch below.






Or, if you don't have the patience for that, here it is:

"I mean to warrant obsequious crack-licking like that, he must have said something terrible," theorized Colbert of Hannity's praise. "I mean -- something like the vacuum in Republican leadership has allowed a mean-spirited, lard-assed talk radio host to become the de facto leader which is turning an already crippled party into a bickering laughingstock."

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Quote of the Day

"But in America, if you want to spend some time with the ladies, you gotta show 'em some sausage."

Dave, Flight of the Conchords