Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Look Up at the Sky - Not a Bird, Not a Plane, It's...Ew.

Picture this, if you will. You're hard at work studying, with your nose buried in a book, and your mind on the upcoming exam. Completely oblivious to the world around you, you suddenly realize that something just touched your hand. You didn't see where it came from -- there's no one around. It's not a fly or a bug. Instead, when you look at your hand, you see a little drop of liquid. It's not raining or snowing -- you're indoors. You can't imagine where there would be water coming from. But it looks transparent like water. Not completely transparent, though. There's just a hint of white. Almost a creamy...

Oh shit.

A sinking feeling hits you. It can't be...

That's right. You just got phantom splooged.

What's hysterical about this is that the facility manager says they've had a history of such behavior and they're worried about a resurgence. Really? You've got a history of mischievious people on the upper floors shooting their wads onto unsuspecting students?

Times sure have changed since I was in school.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Implosion

Apparently Wisconsin's football teams have begun their slow descent into hell. First the Packers lost to the Cowboys. Then the Badgers went up big before blowing it against Michigan. Then the Packers sucked it up against the Buccaneers. Then the Badgers blew it against Ohio State. Then the Packers blew goats against the Falcons. Then the Badgers got forcibly raped by Penn State.

What's next - the Packers get beat by 150 against Seattle? The Badgers lose to a Pop Warner football team?

Christ, guys. Pull it together.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

"Don't Bring Enough Unless You're Going to Share With The Thing..."

It's official. Going to see Electric Six again. Awesome.

FYI, the title of this post comes from Mr. Ismael's comment to Mr. RPM after RPM bought a ticket, but had the audacity not to purchase everyone else's tickets as well.

Make sense of it if you can...

Monday, October 06, 2008

Sometimes You Win Two

Fresh off my unmitigated victory in a reconfinement hearing, last week I won my first revocation hearing ever. It was a pretty solid win for me, considering (a) the guy committed a new crime and admitted to it, (b) he had already been given a second chance (ATR) and screwed up again, (c) I didn't even have a viable alternative to revocation available, and (d) if revoked, the guy would have automatically gone back to prison for a year and a half.

Apparently I found the only ALJ who listens to reason and common sense. Also, one who buys into the "Come on..." argument.

For my next trick? Maybe I'll watch Heroes and chill for a bit.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Engage!

This will undoubtedly come as a complete shock those of you who know me, but Ms. Purple Haze and I are now engaged. I produced the one ring on Thursday, October 2, and she graciously accepted.

For those of you dying to know (ie none of you), the proposal occurred at the San Diego Zoo, in front of the hippo tank. If that sounds random to you, it means a lot to us. For one thing, hippos are blood brothers with ninjas until the end of space and time. And these particular hippos live in a sweet tank, one that doesn't even leak.

Bottom line - your old pal Vice has a fiancee, and couldn't be happier. Look upon the ring at your own peril, as you may be blinded by the side diamonds.