My hat is off to Steven Colbert. I've always thought he was pretty funny, but right now I'm watching him at the White House Correspondent's Dinner, where he is giving a speech in front of pretty much every important person in the US, including Bush himself, sitting just two feet away. I caught it in the middle, and Colbert was subtly riffing on everything Bush has ever done. First he's looking at Bush saying "I love this man, I love this man so much, I'm so happy to be here. Somebody pinch me. No, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, somebody shoot me in the face." Then "Oh, is he here?" (re: Cheney)
He starts talking about how Bush and he each make decisions from the gut, because the gut doesn't get its answers from facts. He brought up religion, how he's a Christian like Bush, and he also believes that everyone - Buddhists, Hindus, Jews - all should have the opportunity to find Jesus Christ as their lord and savior. He started talking about Bush's approval rating - 32 %. He shouldn't listen to the people who tell him the glass is half empty, because actually, the glass is 2/3 empty. And he shouldn't drink the last 1/3, because that's usually backwash. Then he says Bush is like Rocky fighting Apollo Creed, because Bush always comes back. Then he went into this long analogy about how Bush comes back, then he says...Oh wait, Rocky lost that one. Well....then Bush is like a guy who keeps getting punched in the face.
He says he also believes that government is best which governs least. And by that standard, we've set up fabulous gov't in Iraq. He said he likes how Bush stands for things, and how he stands on things. Particularly an aircraft carrier, or a flooded city. This shows Americans that we have the greatest staged photo ops in all of history.
Then he went on to point out other notables in the crowd. He pointed out Scalia, then said hello by flicking him off under his chin, a la what Scalia did to someone a few months back. Then he pointed out John McCain, saying he's glad to have him back in the Republican fold, and next time he's in South Carolina giving a speech at Bob Jones University, he should look him up, and that it's great that he's seen the light.
Colbert also pointed out that "reality has a strong liberal bias."
Half the time only a few brave souls were laughing, and most of the people were cringing. Bush was smiling during parts, but I don't think he was too amused.
Steven Colbert, a true American hero.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Friday, April 28, 2006
The Wrath of Chuck
Well, it appears the cows have come home to roost. Due to the failure of anyone to successfully complete the CNAD Challenge and assert "Chuck Norris" as the answer to a legitimate legal question, the good Chuck himself as decided to take punitive measures against the UW law students. As a punishment for our extreme cowardice, Chuck has paid a visit to the school, and roundhouse kicked us straight out of the space-time continuum. As a result, we will no longer have any functioning clocks in the building until further notice, or until someone mans up and gives the good Chuck his due.
I would say we should have seen this coming, but no one ever does.
I would say we should have seen this coming, but no one ever does.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Mergers and Acquisitions
Doing a little BizOrging today, and I was looking over the notes Mr. Mad Dog so graciously provided, when I discovered something odd. Not with the notes themselves, which are phenomenal, but with the law of corporations in general. The topic for today (or Monday, I suppose) is "Minority Shareholder Oppression." This addresses the problem in corporations where the majority of shareholders control the power in a corporation because they elect the board of directors and dominate all matters subject to a shareholder vote.
One of the examples of such oppression was the following note:
d. Majority puts “squeeze” on minority to sell shares at low price (or eat them)
Now, I don't know that much about business, and I really don't know much about the law that governs it. But somehow it just seems morally objectionable for majority shareholders to eat minority shareholders as a means to maintain control over a corporation. I'm not a fan of cannibalism in general, but to employ it as a business tactic? Sure, it reduces competition, but surely we have to draw the line somewhere.....
One of the examples of such oppression was the following note:
d. Majority puts “squeeze” on minority to sell shares at low price (or eat them)
Now, I don't know that much about business, and I really don't know much about the law that governs it. But somehow it just seems morally objectionable for majority shareholders to eat minority shareholders as a means to maintain control over a corporation. I'm not a fan of cannibalism in general, but to employ it as a business tactic? Sure, it reduces competition, but surely we have to draw the line somewhere.....
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Say Hi to the Bad Guys
Cinematic review the third:
Thank You For Not Smoking
I love a good villain. Good villains, to me, are absolutely essential to a good story. No matter how compelling the protagonist is, if the villain is flat and clichéd, the story rarely rises above mediocrity. Think Neo and The Matrix. Let’s be fair - - Neo had no personality. He had incredible powers and cool outfits, but….yeah, that’s about it. Now, set him against Smith – indomitable, charismatic, and mechanically sinister. Someone who revels in their villainy, someone who chews the scenery and dominates every frame their in. Now you’ve got a story.
Now picture an entire movie populated by Smiths. The protagonist, Nick Naylor, is a villain. Everyone he works for is a villain. Everyone he associates with is a villain. And, to be honest, everyone that opposes him is a villain.
Nick Naylor is the top lobbyist for the tobacco companies. He loves his job. He knows cigarettes are deadly, and, well, he just doesn’t mind. He pushes the product on television, in Washington, even on career day in his son’s grade school classroom. He’s not evil; he’s good at what he does, and he firmly believes in what he does. He sees himself like a lawyer who represents criminals -- everyone's entitled to a defense, and he's the best at defending the indefensible.
More than that, he’s a likeable guy. Charismatic to no end, which serves him well in arguing any point. He believes in freedom of choice, and he believes it’s not a right and wrong issue. These are the values he preaches to his impressionable son, and to a disbelieving public, which perceives him to be the devil incarnate.
All of which makes for brilliantly subversive entertainment. For instance, he goes on a talk show, facing off against three people who represent education and health care, plus “Cancer Boy,” the sympathetic young boy who is bald from chemo after having smoked most of his life. Nick is all alone in the lions' den. So he says that cigarette companies aren’t the bad guy – they don’t want this kid to die. After all, a dead kid can’t buy his product. Crass, but logical. Then he says the health care guy wants the kid to die, because then his funding will increase. Therefore, Nick reasons, the health care guy ought to be ashamed of himself.
This exemplifies the humor of this movie - - I’m laughing my ass off, and at the same time, I’m horrified. So many terrible people, so many brilliantly subversive lines.
Nick goes and meets with his company, led by actor JK Simmons, who portrays the love-to-hate newspaper mogul Mr. Jameson in the Spiderman movies. He’s just as awful here, bitching about how terrible the people that oppose big tobacco are and how they need to make cigarettes sexy and cool again. He mentions environmentalists, and the word “Pussies” flashes briefly on the screen. I love it.
From here, Nick goes on a virtual tour of villainy, meeting with characters played by Robert Duvall and Rob Lowe, both perfectly cast, both horrible and funny. The best may be the “MOD Squad” meetings between Nick, the head lobbyist for alcohol companies, and the head lobbyist for firearm companies. The title “MOD Squad” is self-given, as they refer to themselves as “Merchants of Death,” and have regular lunch dates. This is ingeniously subversive, particularly where Nick, whose product kills far more people than either of theirs, makes them feel inadequate, at one point asking the firearms guy (David Koechner, also perfectly cast) what, his products only kill 30 people a day? “Oooh, that’s tragic.” And once again, I die laughing.
Of course, the “good guy” in this movie – a US Senator and fierce opponent of tobacco (played by William H Macy) – is only a marginally better person, and only by comparison. So, really, it’s bad guys, bad guys everywhere. The beauty of this movie is just that - - we’re watching a cast full of villains, doing their evil deeds, and loving every minute. The script is razor sharp, and doesn’t exactly demonize either side, so it doesn’t come across as mere propaganda. Mostly, it’s funny because it’s true.
My Score: A-
Recommendation: A refreshing change of pace from most movies, I’d recommend it to anyone who likes their humor painful and their villains villan-ey
Thank You For Not Smoking
I love a good villain. Good villains, to me, are absolutely essential to a good story. No matter how compelling the protagonist is, if the villain is flat and clichéd, the story rarely rises above mediocrity. Think Neo and The Matrix. Let’s be fair - - Neo had no personality. He had incredible powers and cool outfits, but….yeah, that’s about it. Now, set him against Smith – indomitable, charismatic, and mechanically sinister. Someone who revels in their villainy, someone who chews the scenery and dominates every frame their in. Now you’ve got a story.
Now picture an entire movie populated by Smiths. The protagonist, Nick Naylor, is a villain. Everyone he works for is a villain. Everyone he associates with is a villain. And, to be honest, everyone that opposes him is a villain.
Nick Naylor is the top lobbyist for the tobacco companies. He loves his job. He knows cigarettes are deadly, and, well, he just doesn’t mind. He pushes the product on television, in Washington, even on career day in his son’s grade school classroom. He’s not evil; he’s good at what he does, and he firmly believes in what he does. He sees himself like a lawyer who represents criminals -- everyone's entitled to a defense, and he's the best at defending the indefensible.
More than that, he’s a likeable guy. Charismatic to no end, which serves him well in arguing any point. He believes in freedom of choice, and he believes it’s not a right and wrong issue. These are the values he preaches to his impressionable son, and to a disbelieving public, which perceives him to be the devil incarnate.
All of which makes for brilliantly subversive entertainment. For instance, he goes on a talk show, facing off against three people who represent education and health care, plus “Cancer Boy,” the sympathetic young boy who is bald from chemo after having smoked most of his life. Nick is all alone in the lions' den. So he says that cigarette companies aren’t the bad guy – they don’t want this kid to die. After all, a dead kid can’t buy his product. Crass, but logical. Then he says the health care guy wants the kid to die, because then his funding will increase. Therefore, Nick reasons, the health care guy ought to be ashamed of himself.
This exemplifies the humor of this movie - - I’m laughing my ass off, and at the same time, I’m horrified. So many terrible people, so many brilliantly subversive lines.
Nick goes and meets with his company, led by actor JK Simmons, who portrays the love-to-hate newspaper mogul Mr. Jameson in the Spiderman movies. He’s just as awful here, bitching about how terrible the people that oppose big tobacco are and how they need to make cigarettes sexy and cool again. He mentions environmentalists, and the word “Pussies” flashes briefly on the screen. I love it.
From here, Nick goes on a virtual tour of villainy, meeting with characters played by Robert Duvall and Rob Lowe, both perfectly cast, both horrible and funny. The best may be the “MOD Squad” meetings between Nick, the head lobbyist for alcohol companies, and the head lobbyist for firearm companies. The title “MOD Squad” is self-given, as they refer to themselves as “Merchants of Death,” and have regular lunch dates. This is ingeniously subversive, particularly where Nick, whose product kills far more people than either of theirs, makes them feel inadequate, at one point asking the firearms guy (David Koechner, also perfectly cast) what, his products only kill 30 people a day? “Oooh, that’s tragic.” And once again, I die laughing.
Of course, the “good guy” in this movie – a US Senator and fierce opponent of tobacco (played by William H Macy) – is only a marginally better person, and only by comparison. So, really, it’s bad guys, bad guys everywhere. The beauty of this movie is just that - - we’re watching a cast full of villains, doing their evil deeds, and loving every minute. The script is razor sharp, and doesn’t exactly demonize either side, so it doesn’t come across as mere propaganda. Mostly, it’s funny because it’s true.
My Score: A-
Recommendation: A refreshing change of pace from most movies, I’d recommend it to anyone who likes their humor painful and their villains villan-ey
Thursday, April 20, 2006
The Challenge
The challenge is as follows:
I will give $5 to anyone who, while in the middle of class discussion, gets called on to answer a serious legal question, and who boldly pronounces the answer "Chuck Norris."
I will give $10 to anyone who, while in the middle of a class discussion, VOLUNTEERS the answer "Chuck Norris" to a serious legal question.
The following example may be helpful:
In BizOrgs, Ohne was discussing a case where the court wanted to dissolve a corporation, but there was no law saying they could. Ohne asked one student "What was stopping them?" Now, I knew the answer, but at any given time and in any given class, I may not know the answer. So I decided that, if put on the spot where I was going to crash and burn anyway, I may as well offer the Good Chuck as an affirmative defense to my stupidity.
Context matters, of course. And when I say "serious legal question," I mean it. It can't be just a casual class discussion. It has to be a scenario where the CNAD (Chuck Norris Affirmative Defense) would be entirely inappropriate. It has to be the type of scenario where the CNAD would completely kill the discussion. Like a roundhouse from the Good Chuck, one might say.
Any takers?
I will give $5 to anyone who, while in the middle of class discussion, gets called on to answer a serious legal question, and who boldly pronounces the answer "Chuck Norris."
I will give $10 to anyone who, while in the middle of a class discussion, VOLUNTEERS the answer "Chuck Norris" to a serious legal question.
The following example may be helpful:
In BizOrgs, Ohne was discussing a case where the court wanted to dissolve a corporation, but there was no law saying they could. Ohne asked one student "What was stopping them?" Now, I knew the answer, but at any given time and in any given class, I may not know the answer. So I decided that, if put on the spot where I was going to crash and burn anyway, I may as well offer the Good Chuck as an affirmative defense to my stupidity.
Context matters, of course. And when I say "serious legal question," I mean it. It can't be just a casual class discussion. It has to be a scenario where the CNAD (Chuck Norris Affirmative Defense) would be entirely inappropriate. It has to be the type of scenario where the CNAD would completely kill the discussion. Like a roundhouse from the Good Chuck, one might say.
Any takers?
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Repository of Knowledge
1. Time of starting? Go time
2. Were you named after anyone? Yes, Muhammed Ali
3. Do you wish on stars? No, but I once wished on an ironing board. That was a disaster
4. When did you last cry? I try to start weeping randomly once every hour and a half to keep people on their toes
5. Do you like your handwriting? Well, I wouldn't say that I "like" like my handwriting...but yeah, it's kinda pretty
6. What is your favorite meat? Spam
7. What is your most embarrassing CD on your shelf? I have the collaboration CD between Was (Not Was) and The Bangles, where they did the song "Dinosaurs Walk Like Egyptians." Trust me, it's not as good as it sounds.
8. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Good question. If I was another person, then there would be two of me, and if I ever met myself, I would probably cease to exist. Considering I can't stand most people, myself most likely wouldn't like myself, so I'd be better off avoiding myself to be safe.
9. Are you a daredevil? If you mean by "daredevil" am I blind, do I wear skin-tight red leather, do I jump around the city using my enhanced powers of hearing to fight crime, look like a douchebag, occasionally make movies with Matt Damon and/or Kevin Smith, and have sex with Jennifer Garner? Then yes. Yes I am.
10. Have U ever told a secret you swore not to tell? Yeah...its kind of embarassing, but one time I was in the army and I was flying a helicopter over Danang, shooting down stray roosters with a pellet gun, but I had to stop for an ice cream bar. So I pulled into a Citgo and asked the man at the counter if he knew of any place where they sold surfboards. He told me that the only place in Danang that had surfboards was a little bodega run by a Russian pharmacist named Roger. We agreed to disagree.
11. How do you release anger? Usually through the air vents in the form of a green, toxic gas
12. Where is your second home? I live in the hearts and minds of every man, woman, and child on this earth. ...The evil ones, anyway
13. Do you trust others easily? Depends on what you mean by the word "Do."
14. What was your favorite toy as a child? Your mom.
15. What class in school do you think is totally useless? It's a toss-up between "Civil Procedure" and "Civil Procedure 2: Civ Pro With A Vengeance."
16. Do you use sarcasm a lot? I wouldn't say I "use" sarcasm. Sometimes I fondle it obscenely
17. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? Once. I was trying to find a movie theater in Prague. I accidentally stumbled upon a Dido concert, where a nice young woman with several pigtails pointed to the west. I took the monorail, and needless to say, I ended up in a mosh pit.
18. What do you look for in a guy/girl? Multiple shoulders
19. Would you bungee jump? Bungee jump this (points to genitals)
20. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Nope. When I want my shoes removed, I just bash my feet against the walls until they cry 'uncle.'
21. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Who are you calling a racist?
22. What are your favorite colors? Answer me, fool!
23. What is your least favorite thing? Your face. Burn!
24. How many PPl do U have a crush on right now? No crushes, but I've got one in a pretty decent headlock
25. What do you miss most right now? My ambition.
26. What color is your computer chair? Ooh....you just had to go and bring that up, didn't you? My computer chair ran away from me just last week, and took my floor fan with it. It left a goodbye letter, which said, in no uncertain terms, "Goodbye, and thanks for the floor fan."
27. What are you listening to right now? The police scanners. They haven't found my bags of play-doh yet, but it's only a matter of time.
28. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Obscure Caucasian.
29. What is the weather like right now? Sunny and mild, with a 94% chance of reindeer.
30. Last person you talked to on the phone? Ice Cube
31. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? The middle finger
32. Do you like the person who sent you this? No one sent this to me. In fact, I've never read this survey. I've never read any survey. I can't even read. This conversation never happened.
33. How are you today? Skanky
34. Favorite drink? the blood of the innocent
35. Favorite alcoholic drink? Ronald F. Mexico
36. Natural hair color? If you're asking what I think you're asking, then you should be ashamed of yourself.
37. Eye color? Blue or Green, depending on which crayon I choose each morning
38. Wear contacts? No, but sometimes I smoke them
39. Siblings? Nah, I'm fine, thanks
40. Favorite months? Are there different types of moths? I don't know....probably the big ones with the laser beams
41. Favorite food? That reminds me of the time I went fishing for watermelons with a harpoon gun. The girl at the watermelon store said "Hey, you can't bring that in here!" Needless to say, no one in the watermelon store dares to question me anymore, and I ate me some watermelon that night. Yes indeed.
42. Last movie you watched? Last of the Mohicans 2: More Mohicans.
43. Favorite day of the year? National Take Your Platypus To Work And Watch Him Piss On The Fax Machine Day
44. Have you ever been too shy to ask someone out? Nope. They're always too shy to be asked out by me.
45. Scary movies or happy endings? I think they can coexist. Once I saw a movie where a guy was afraid of stepping on puddles for fear of drowning, so they shot him.
46. Summer or winter? I don't like to play favorites. I love all my seasons equally. (Except winter....I fucking hate winter)
47. Hugs or kisses? That's a little presumptuous.
48. Do you want your friends to write back? I am not a racist!
49. Who is most likely to respond? Corey Feldman's been calling me about once a day for the past several weeks, so I imagine I'll hear from him one way or the other.
50. Who is least likely to respond? The maintenance guy who said he'd fix my garbage disposal then took off without doing a damn thing.
51. What book/magazine are you reading? Puddle Jumping, the novel
52. What's on your mouse pad? A severed head. Just kidding! It's still attached. ....Barely.
53. What did you watch on TV last night? A documentary about the time Thomas Jefferson wore a fake moustache to church
54. Favorite Smell? Your mom
55. Favorite Sound? Id.
56. Do you regret ever breaking up with someone? No, but sometimes I regret mutilating their corpses afterward
57. Favorite actor/actress? Mr and Mrs Roboto
58. Time of finishing? Hammer time
2. Were you named after anyone? Yes, Muhammed Ali
3. Do you wish on stars? No, but I once wished on an ironing board. That was a disaster
4. When did you last cry? I try to start weeping randomly once every hour and a half to keep people on their toes
5. Do you like your handwriting? Well, I wouldn't say that I "like" like my handwriting...but yeah, it's kinda pretty
6. What is your favorite meat? Spam
7. What is your most embarrassing CD on your shelf? I have the collaboration CD between Was (Not Was) and The Bangles, where they did the song "Dinosaurs Walk Like Egyptians." Trust me, it's not as good as it sounds.
8. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Good question. If I was another person, then there would be two of me, and if I ever met myself, I would probably cease to exist. Considering I can't stand most people, myself most likely wouldn't like myself, so I'd be better off avoiding myself to be safe.
9. Are you a daredevil? If you mean by "daredevil" am I blind, do I wear skin-tight red leather, do I jump around the city using my enhanced powers of hearing to fight crime, look like a douchebag, occasionally make movies with Matt Damon and/or Kevin Smith, and have sex with Jennifer Garner? Then yes. Yes I am.
10. Have U ever told a secret you swore not to tell? Yeah...its kind of embarassing, but one time I was in the army and I was flying a helicopter over Danang, shooting down stray roosters with a pellet gun, but I had to stop for an ice cream bar. So I pulled into a Citgo and asked the man at the counter if he knew of any place where they sold surfboards. He told me that the only place in Danang that had surfboards was a little bodega run by a Russian pharmacist named Roger. We agreed to disagree.
11. How do you release anger? Usually through the air vents in the form of a green, toxic gas
12. Where is your second home? I live in the hearts and minds of every man, woman, and child on this earth. ...The evil ones, anyway
13. Do you trust others easily? Depends on what you mean by the word "Do."
14. What was your favorite toy as a child? Your mom.
15. What class in school do you think is totally useless? It's a toss-up between "Civil Procedure" and "Civil Procedure 2: Civ Pro With A Vengeance."
16. Do you use sarcasm a lot? I wouldn't say I "use" sarcasm. Sometimes I fondle it obscenely
17. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? Once. I was trying to find a movie theater in Prague. I accidentally stumbled upon a Dido concert, where a nice young woman with several pigtails pointed to the west. I took the monorail, and needless to say, I ended up in a mosh pit.
18. What do you look for in a guy/girl? Multiple shoulders
19. Would you bungee jump? Bungee jump this (points to genitals)
20. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Nope. When I want my shoes removed, I just bash my feet against the walls until they cry 'uncle.'
21. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Who are you calling a racist?
22. What are your favorite colors? Answer me, fool!
23. What is your least favorite thing? Your face. Burn!
24. How many PPl do U have a crush on right now? No crushes, but I've got one in a pretty decent headlock
25. What do you miss most right now? My ambition.
26. What color is your computer chair? Ooh....you just had to go and bring that up, didn't you? My computer chair ran away from me just last week, and took my floor fan with it. It left a goodbye letter, which said, in no uncertain terms, "Goodbye, and thanks for the floor fan."
27. What are you listening to right now? The police scanners. They haven't found my bags of play-doh yet, but it's only a matter of time.
28. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Obscure Caucasian.
29. What is the weather like right now? Sunny and mild, with a 94% chance of reindeer.
30. Last person you talked to on the phone? Ice Cube
31. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? The middle finger
32. Do you like the person who sent you this? No one sent this to me. In fact, I've never read this survey. I've never read any survey. I can't even read. This conversation never happened.
33. How are you today? Skanky
34. Favorite drink? the blood of the innocent
35. Favorite alcoholic drink? Ronald F. Mexico
36. Natural hair color? If you're asking what I think you're asking, then you should be ashamed of yourself.
37. Eye color? Blue or Green, depending on which crayon I choose each morning
38. Wear contacts? No, but sometimes I smoke them
39. Siblings? Nah, I'm fine, thanks
40. Favorite months? Are there different types of moths? I don't know....probably the big ones with the laser beams
41. Favorite food? That reminds me of the time I went fishing for watermelons with a harpoon gun. The girl at the watermelon store said "Hey, you can't bring that in here!" Needless to say, no one in the watermelon store dares to question me anymore, and I ate me some watermelon that night. Yes indeed.
42. Last movie you watched? Last of the Mohicans 2: More Mohicans.
43. Favorite day of the year? National Take Your Platypus To Work And Watch Him Piss On The Fax Machine Day
44. Have you ever been too shy to ask someone out? Nope. They're always too shy to be asked out by me.
45. Scary movies or happy endings? I think they can coexist. Once I saw a movie where a guy was afraid of stepping on puddles for fear of drowning, so they shot him.
46. Summer or winter? I don't like to play favorites. I love all my seasons equally. (Except winter....I fucking hate winter)
47. Hugs or kisses? That's a little presumptuous.
48. Do you want your friends to write back? I am not a racist!
49. Who is most likely to respond? Corey Feldman's been calling me about once a day for the past several weeks, so I imagine I'll hear from him one way or the other.
50. Who is least likely to respond? The maintenance guy who said he'd fix my garbage disposal then took off without doing a damn thing.
51. What book/magazine are you reading? Puddle Jumping, the novel
52. What's on your mouse pad? A severed head. Just kidding! It's still attached. ....Barely.
53. What did you watch on TV last night? A documentary about the time Thomas Jefferson wore a fake moustache to church
54. Favorite Smell? Your mom
55. Favorite Sound? Id.
56. Do you regret ever breaking up with someone? No, but sometimes I regret mutilating their corpses afterward
57. Favorite actor/actress? Mr and Mrs Roboto
58. Time of finishing? Hammer time
Bringing Out the Big Guns
A powerful new ally has joined us here, at the turn of the tide. If anyone has yet to see Katherine's link, I'm reposting it here, just so everyone sees it. The battle is far from over.
And, this is quite possibly the greatest thing I've seen in forever.
Excellent work, Captain Smith.
And, this is quite possibly the greatest thing I've seen in forever.
Excellent work, Captain Smith.
Monday, April 17, 2006
We Have Met the Enemy, and He Is Chocolatey
Once again, the battle lines are shifting. Tensions between the United States and the Animal Cracker Nation have diminished dramatically over the past few days due to the unwitting assistance of several squadrons of animal crackers in the battle against the Legal Process Paper. This uneasy alliance has proved fortuitous so far, pointing toward a future of peaceful coexistence, if not outright cooperation.
However, a new threat has arisen in the east, replacing the Animal Cracker menace. They are known to the world as Cadbury Mini Eggs, but due to the insidious and irresistably chocolately nature of this new adversary, I have officially designated it Public Enemy #1. Damn you and your much-appreciated need to spoil me, mom.
The enemy.
However, a new threat has arisen in the east, replacing the Animal Cracker menace. They are known to the world as Cadbury Mini Eggs, but due to the insidious and irresistably chocolately nature of this new adversary, I have officially designated it Public Enemy #1.
Somebody pray for me.
The enemy.
Friday, April 14, 2006
Look-Alikes
The basis
I too tried to match my smiling face with that of celebrities. Rather than my top 3 matches, I decided to include most of my top matches, because they get hilarious as they go on.
Matt LeBlanc
Sugar Ray Robinson
Owen Wilson
Okay, so far so good. I actually get mistaken for Sugar Ray Robinson quite a bit, but that's usually from punching people out.
Bob Dylan
Clearly this was taken in Dylan's "pre-Dylan" phase.
Janis Joplin
Ditto.
Seann William Scott
Stiffler? The Stiffmeister? Nice!
Mark Wahlberg
Marky-frickin' Mark? Oh God.
And, finally....
David Hasselhoff
BAM! Germans love me. I doesn't get much better than that.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
From the Front Lines
AP: Madison – “Absolute carnage.” That's the way one witness described the latest skirmish in the ongoing conflict in one residence over the past few months between the United States and the Animal Cracker Nation.
"It's a bloodbath out there. I've never seen anything like it. The Crackers get mowed down one after another - - heads, limbs, tails, entire bodies decimated. But they never stop coming."
Perhaps the greatest tragedy of the war is that no one knows for sure why it started, or why all of this death and destruction is necessary. The origins of the blood feud between these hostile nations is shrouded in secrecy; up until January of 2006, relations between the United States and the ACN seemed amiable and cooperative.
But as the rising death toll clearly indicates, this is no longer the case. Some estimates put the body count as high as 15-20 lbs. of Animal Crackers over the last 100 days.
The office of Mr. Vice, Commander of the Allied Forces and Leader of the Tactical Cracker Counterinsurgency Unit, officially downplayed such violent descriptions of the conflict, contending that the death toll was “artificially high,” and that “many of those crackers were in pieces right out of the bag.” In addition, Mr. Vice assured the troubled populace that further escalations will be unnecessary, and declined to call the situation a "quagmire." He also resented any implications that this campaign was an attempt at ethic cleansing.
However, he did admit that the Joint Chiefs may have "underestimated the resilience" of the Animal Cracker forces. He took full responsibility for his insufficient initial assessment, when he characterized Animal Crackers as "Small, fragile, low in calories, and relatively scrumptious," adding "We can take 'em."
The Commander was particularly candid at a press conference this week, saying he was confidant that this conflict will be brought to a close "with all deliberate speed."
Even more revealing, a technical gaffe after the conference caused a stir when Mr. Vice, believing his microphone to be off, turned to his chief advisors and muttered "I'll eat as many of those goddamned animals as I want." Despite public outrage at this comment, particularly from People For the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), Vice declined to retract his statements, and instead issued an official response: "Screw you, hippies."
However, a senior advisor in Mr. Vice’s administration went on the record as stating: "They just keep coming. By God, they just keep coming.... The tenacity of these little animals is frightening. I tell ya, we may have superior powers of destruction, we're losing the numbers battle. We'll be lucky to get out alive."
The overwhelming force of which the unnamed source speaks was bolstered significantly last Thursday by an influx of three one-lb. bags of reserve animal crackers.At a press conference Monday morning, a spokesman for the Animal Cracker Nation, "Monkey," declared "We will not be defeated! Animals, march on!"
The prospect for peace between the two great powers seems bleak, as no negotiations have taken place since early February. So until they can bring their differences to a peaceful resolution, we can only expect more senseless killing, primarily of delicious animal crackers, in the coming months.
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Wait a minute - - no Mothra? Gypped!!
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Thursday, April 06, 2006
The Limits of Civility
Okay, the idiots writing on the elevators are at it again. I've commented on this before - whenever the elevator doors in my apartment get repainted, some troglodytes feel the need to scratch comments into the paint. These comments are usually of the "Fuck you" or "I need sex" variety, and sometimes they descend far below the level of crude and offensive I'm willing to tolerate. For instance, there's a girl that works at the building - a very nice, cute, 20-something girl - and our esteemed residents often make her the target of their comments. The latest was the simple assertion that someone had sex with her, followed by the other commentators asking certain questions like "Did she moan with pleasure?" Every time there is a fresh coat of paint, this poor girl becomes a target all over again.
At times like this, I'm moved with the righteous indignation to want to write something back to chastise these bastards. Something along the lines of "Every single one of you is fucking pathetic, and deserves to be shot in the face. Repeatedly." But then, wouldn't I be sinking to their level? Sure, I want the comments to stop, but wouldn't I just be continuing the cycle? Of course, any comment I would make would only draw an increasingly asinine and vulgar response. After all, in the words of the great poet Jay-Z (and someone before him), "A wise man once told me 'Don't argue with fools, because people from a distance can't tell who is who." And if not to comment myself, I at least want to scratch the shit out.
Occasionally there are other people that do this - comment themselves or scratch it out. But I just can't bring myself to do it. Something inside says that anything I do to that door puts me down at their level. So, I leave it alone.
Any thoughts?
-- Also, one comment on the door I found interesting. One particularly brilliant person wrote "I like butt sex" on the door about a week ago. Then someone added two letters, changing it to "I like button sex." Somehow, the concept of 'button sex' made me smile. It's kind of like the phrase "nipplefucker." Is it wrong somehow? Maybe, but...it's just so weird.....
At times like this, I'm moved with the righteous indignation to want to write something back to chastise these bastards. Something along the lines of "Every single one of you is fucking pathetic, and deserves to be shot in the face. Repeatedly." But then, wouldn't I be sinking to their level? Sure, I want the comments to stop, but wouldn't I just be continuing the cycle? Of course, any comment I would make would only draw an increasingly asinine and vulgar response. After all, in the words of the great poet Jay-Z (and someone before him), "A wise man once told me 'Don't argue with fools, because people from a distance can't tell who is who." And if not to comment myself, I at least want to scratch the shit out.
Occasionally there are other people that do this - comment themselves or scratch it out. But I just can't bring myself to do it. Something inside says that anything I do to that door puts me down at their level. So, I leave it alone.
Any thoughts?
-- Also, one comment on the door I found interesting. One particularly brilliant person wrote "I like butt sex" on the door about a week ago. Then someone added two letters, changing it to "I like button sex." Somehow, the concept of 'button sex' made me smile. It's kind of like the phrase "nipplefucker." Is it wrong somehow? Maybe, but...it's just so weird.....
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Revue to the Infinity, Part II
5. The Big Show.
Here’s my rundown of the show itself:
Dickey Poetry – Ryan had Dickey’s gruff demeanor down, and it set a nice, offbeat tone for the show. “Read the statutes. Read the statutes. Read the statutes. …Read the statutes.” So true.
Althouse blogging: I wasn’t a big fan of this - - mostly it just tied things together.
Family Feud: Other than a few unnecessary expletives, this worked well. Macauley is hilarious, Clauss was disgusting, but also hilarious. Overall this had a lot of energy to it, and it worked well to start off the sketches.
--- An aside here: Don’t get me wrong - - I’m all for swearing when it’s funny. But it’s not funny when it’s repeatedly used as a joke in itself. Throwing in the F-bomb in each line to get a cheap laugh is just that - - cheap. It should be used sparingly, to make the jokes where it is used more of a surprise, and to give them more weight. For instance: Last year, Sean Penn scornfully glaring at the audience and saying: “You people are all fuckin’ pathetic.” Or this year, with the Community Justice Commandos: - Smash Bob Kasieta in the face, then: “Justice is served, motherfucker.” Anyways…
Kidwell Juice: I liked the use of this. A little breather in between the larger sketches. My favorite line: “Did I ever tell you ladies about Ambrose Bearse?”
Vying For Tenure: This one I was pretty iffy about throughout rehearsals, because it was kinda awkward and the jokes didn’t seem that great compared to other sketches. Still, it worked much better in the performance - - this was one of those that just gelled toward the end. Once again we had great performances from Ryan and Chris as Dickey and Palay, although their jokes were better used in other sketches. I absolutely loved Smith running in and out though, and the audience did too. Plus, I got a cameo as Cliff Thompson, randomly wandering in, informing everyone I was off to Indonesia, then wandering off - - classic Cliff. By far my favorite character to play.
Hardball/Zombie Rehnquist: I loved this sketch, and everybody seemed to enjoy it, though I was a little dissatisfied because I asked the wrong person a question, which screwed up the order of the lines. As a result, a couple of my favorite jokes got cut because we were scrambling to cover for it. Oh well - - I still got in a solid amount of shouting and insults. And there’s one thing you can’t argue with: “Sometimes you can’t be afraid to lift up the hood and see who’s tickling the Chinaman.”
Being Ruth Robarts: This one was a little more esoteric - - a play on an offbeat comedy movie, with a concept that might have been a little tricky to grasp. But Hendrix’s Ohnesorge was great - - of course his play on “Office Space” and his speed trip about the LLLLLLLP’s were great, but my favorite part was more subtle. This exchange always cracked me up: “Hey, Professor Ohnesorge?” “No….yeah.”
Brokeback Hill: A great idea all around. The lunchbox, the herd (with Kreple as the stray, and Stacey breaking down into tears), the tender scenes at base camp. I don’t know if the audience responded as much as the show deserved. My favorite part: Hendrix as Dean Davis: “Bring ‘em home…(looks toward sunset, wistfully) Bring ‘em home.”
Community Justice Commandos: This was a lot of fun. Andy got a star turn, with a 12(b)(6) to be reckoned with. More than anything, this sketch was cathartic – smashing the rolling backpack, beating the crap out of Kasieta (and pointing out that he drinks the blood of children), finding actual undergrads with actual graphing calculators in the library, who were gracious enough to allow us to destroy them. Favorite lines: “Why do you wear the ski masks and sunglasses? Because justice is blind. ….And black.”
*There was a big snafu here though, which was disappointing – the tech guys started rolling up the screen too early, cutting off the ending, where we saw a slow motion replay of Andy and I going to town on the rolling backpack. Still, I’ve had several people say this was their favorite sketch out of everything.
Faculty Sketch: Eh…this was alright. Mike Hall fumbling with those pants forever, I couldn’t tell if that was staged or just a problem, but I think it was staged. Still, pretty funny.
Gunners in Love: This was easily my favorite sketch (that I didn’t write – I’m partial to MZRM), and I figured this was going to be great all along. Zachar has the Palay mannerisms down cold, and this was a great sketch for Palay. So many great lines - -“I would also like to comment on the sexiness of your bowtie.” “The grading is anonymous…and completely random.” “Let’s spend the next 30 minutes graphing the Hand Formula…incomprehensibly.” And for writing the Hand formula, he just wrote “HAND FORMULA” in giant letters – genius. Becky and I-Chi were great as the gunners, and the final collapse on Ryan’s lap…everything about this sketch was perfect.
Real Evaluation Party: Great moments here too – Dean Davis taking a phone call from his flask. Pretty accurate statements about Palay. “Entrap me, Walter.” The scary-accurate Weston, especially her outfits. Good performances from everybody, particularly Joel.
Becky dancing: Becky is just hilarious. It takes so much courage to even get out there, but to go out and dance all by yourself, I don’t know if I could do that. She was so good at it too – she got a lot of comments saying she must have spent hours choreographing it, trying to get all the Napoleon Dynamite moves. In reality, she just went out there and did it, which is all the more impressive.
Anything Goes: Ryan, I have to give you props here – this was a phenomenal idea. Once I heard Kristen singing in Weston’s voice, I was just dying. Especially when she hit the notes at the end of each, and her voice was really low – like “pimpin gigoloooooos.” Kristen was awesome as Weston, and the phone call was great too. Favorite part: “Oh, you’re calling about the dog-sitting job. Well how many years of legal experience do you have?”
MZRM: Absolutely flawless. This sketch worked so well, and it sounded like the audience loved it. Chris, Ryan, Texas Scott and I each hit the partners’ lines perfectly, and Stacey played the righteous indignation perfectly. Even Andy got into the act, reading the rejection letter for us. We had threats of cockslapping, we had accusations of “ragging it,” we had Paul Bunyan and Johnny Fuckin’ Appleseed founding America, we had Ben Franklin blowing away foreigners with rocket launchers, we had the rights of women according to Texas Scott, we had killing power, we had questions about killing wild animals, robots, and ninjas, and we had a live ninja fight. We called out the douchebags one after another. And, oh yes, we had an alleged vagina. It was glorious.
More Dickey Poetry: Ryan closed out the show on a high note, swearing at the audience and storming off. So very Dickey.
Overall, this was the greatest experience I’ve had in law school so far. My problem now is that I’m going to be having ideas hitting me left and right, keeping me awake for the next few weeks. I’ve already got several ideas for shows, including a CJC sequel, a full sketch devoted to Crazy Cliff, a search for lost grades, and many others. Plus Chris came up with a great idea about a religious sketch involving our Crim Law professors that is sure to offend everyone.
If somehow I could do this for a living, I would give up law and politics completely, without hesitation. But since that’ll never happen…..here’s looking at Law Revue ’07.
Oh yes, one more promise: Next year, there will be much more Mothra.
Here’s my rundown of the show itself:
Dickey Poetry – Ryan had Dickey’s gruff demeanor down, and it set a nice, offbeat tone for the show. “Read the statutes. Read the statutes. Read the statutes. …Read the statutes.” So true.
Althouse blogging: I wasn’t a big fan of this - - mostly it just tied things together.
Family Feud: Other than a few unnecessary expletives, this worked well. Macauley is hilarious, Clauss was disgusting, but also hilarious. Overall this had a lot of energy to it, and it worked well to start off the sketches.
--- An aside here: Don’t get me wrong - - I’m all for swearing when it’s funny. But it’s not funny when it’s repeatedly used as a joke in itself. Throwing in the F-bomb in each line to get a cheap laugh is just that - - cheap. It should be used sparingly, to make the jokes where it is used more of a surprise, and to give them more weight. For instance: Last year, Sean Penn scornfully glaring at the audience and saying: “You people are all fuckin’ pathetic.” Or this year, with the Community Justice Commandos: - Smash Bob Kasieta in the face, then: “Justice is served, motherfucker.” Anyways…
Kidwell Juice: I liked the use of this. A little breather in between the larger sketches. My favorite line: “Did I ever tell you ladies about Ambrose Bearse?”
Vying For Tenure: This one I was pretty iffy about throughout rehearsals, because it was kinda awkward and the jokes didn’t seem that great compared to other sketches. Still, it worked much better in the performance - - this was one of those that just gelled toward the end. Once again we had great performances from Ryan and Chris as Dickey and Palay, although their jokes were better used in other sketches. I absolutely loved Smith running in and out though, and the audience did too. Plus, I got a cameo as Cliff Thompson, randomly wandering in, informing everyone I was off to Indonesia, then wandering off - - classic Cliff. By far my favorite character to play.
Hardball/Zombie Rehnquist: I loved this sketch, and everybody seemed to enjoy it, though I was a little dissatisfied because I asked the wrong person a question, which screwed up the order of the lines. As a result, a couple of my favorite jokes got cut because we were scrambling to cover for it. Oh well - - I still got in a solid amount of shouting and insults. And there’s one thing you can’t argue with: “Sometimes you can’t be afraid to lift up the hood and see who’s tickling the Chinaman.”
Being Ruth Robarts: This one was a little more esoteric - - a play on an offbeat comedy movie, with a concept that might have been a little tricky to grasp. But Hendrix’s Ohnesorge was great - - of course his play on “Office Space” and his speed trip about the LLLLLLLP’s were great, but my favorite part was more subtle. This exchange always cracked me up: “Hey, Professor Ohnesorge?” “No….yeah.”
Brokeback Hill: A great idea all around. The lunchbox, the herd (with Kreple as the stray, and Stacey breaking down into tears), the tender scenes at base camp. I don’t know if the audience responded as much as the show deserved. My favorite part: Hendrix as Dean Davis: “Bring ‘em home…(looks toward sunset, wistfully) Bring ‘em home.”
Community Justice Commandos: This was a lot of fun. Andy got a star turn, with a 12(b)(6) to be reckoned with. More than anything, this sketch was cathartic – smashing the rolling backpack, beating the crap out of Kasieta (and pointing out that he drinks the blood of children), finding actual undergrads with actual graphing calculators in the library, who were gracious enough to allow us to destroy them. Favorite lines: “Why do you wear the ski masks and sunglasses? Because justice is blind. ….And black.”
*There was a big snafu here though, which was disappointing – the tech guys started rolling up the screen too early, cutting off the ending, where we saw a slow motion replay of Andy and I going to town on the rolling backpack. Still, I’ve had several people say this was their favorite sketch out of everything.
Faculty Sketch: Eh…this was alright. Mike Hall fumbling with those pants forever, I couldn’t tell if that was staged or just a problem, but I think it was staged. Still, pretty funny.
Gunners in Love: This was easily my favorite sketch (that I didn’t write – I’m partial to MZRM), and I figured this was going to be great all along. Zachar has the Palay mannerisms down cold, and this was a great sketch for Palay. So many great lines - -“I would also like to comment on the sexiness of your bowtie.” “The grading is anonymous…and completely random.” “Let’s spend the next 30 minutes graphing the Hand Formula…incomprehensibly.” And for writing the Hand formula, he just wrote “HAND FORMULA” in giant letters – genius. Becky and I-Chi were great as the gunners, and the final collapse on Ryan’s lap…everything about this sketch was perfect.
Real Evaluation Party: Great moments here too – Dean Davis taking a phone call from his flask. Pretty accurate statements about Palay. “Entrap me, Walter.” The scary-accurate Weston, especially her outfits. Good performances from everybody, particularly Joel.
Becky dancing: Becky is just hilarious. It takes so much courage to even get out there, but to go out and dance all by yourself, I don’t know if I could do that. She was so good at it too – she got a lot of comments saying she must have spent hours choreographing it, trying to get all the Napoleon Dynamite moves. In reality, she just went out there and did it, which is all the more impressive.
Anything Goes: Ryan, I have to give you props here – this was a phenomenal idea. Once I heard Kristen singing in Weston’s voice, I was just dying. Especially when she hit the notes at the end of each, and her voice was really low – like “pimpin gigoloooooos.” Kristen was awesome as Weston, and the phone call was great too. Favorite part: “Oh, you’re calling about the dog-sitting job. Well how many years of legal experience do you have?”
MZRM: Absolutely flawless. This sketch worked so well, and it sounded like the audience loved it. Chris, Ryan, Texas Scott and I each hit the partners’ lines perfectly, and Stacey played the righteous indignation perfectly. Even Andy got into the act, reading the rejection letter for us. We had threats of cockslapping, we had accusations of “ragging it,” we had Paul Bunyan and Johnny Fuckin’ Appleseed founding America, we had Ben Franklin blowing away foreigners with rocket launchers, we had the rights of women according to Texas Scott, we had killing power, we had questions about killing wild animals, robots, and ninjas, and we had a live ninja fight. We called out the douchebags one after another. And, oh yes, we had an alleged vagina. It was glorious.
More Dickey Poetry: Ryan closed out the show on a high note, swearing at the audience and storming off. So very Dickey.
Overall, this was the greatest experience I’ve had in law school so far. My problem now is that I’m going to be having ideas hitting me left and right, keeping me awake for the next few weeks. I’ve already got several ideas for shows, including a CJC sequel, a full sketch devoted to Crazy Cliff, a search for lost grades, and many others. Plus Chris came up with a great idea about a religious sketch involving our Crim Law professors that is sure to offend everyone.
If somehow I could do this for a living, I would give up law and politics completely, without hesitation. But since that’ll never happen…..here’s looking at Law Revue ’07.
Oh yes, one more promise: Next year, there will be much more Mothra.
Monday, April 03, 2006
Revue to the Infinity, Part I
The show’s over. I’m going to miss Law Revue something fierce for a long time to come. This was the first time I’d gotten into acting/comedy since the last Saturday Night Live show ended about a year and a half ago, and I loved it. This time, instead of my high school friends, I had my law school friends along side me – Chris, Ryan, Kristen, and Andy (who was there in spirit, as well as in person for part of it), and I made some new friends through it - - Mackenzie, Becky, Jon, and others. Last night was the big show, and I think it went beautifully. But for those of us who were in the show, it was an entire process, not just the one performance. So rather than reviewing the performance, I’ll give my thoughts on the show in its entirety.
1. The producers – Jon Hendrix, Mackenzie, Becky, and Kristin – all did a great job. They had a much harder job than anyone realized - - all the administrative details like fund-raising and coordinating the performance that most of us didn’t see. They also had the unpleasant job of telling the performers what works, what doesn’t, and what’s not funny. We didn’t always agree with what they said, but someone had to be there making that type of hard decisions, and overall they did an excellent job, as evidenced by the performance.
2. The firm’s contributions – MZRM rocked the shit, simply put. We all contributed in big ways, and were integral to the entire show being as funny as it was. The MZRM sketch, for instance – I may have compiled it, but that was a team effort all the way. From the rejection letter that started it all, to the numerous Zacharisms, to Real Ultimate Power, to the multitude of gender, ethnicity, and race jokes throughout – we all had a major hand in it. That being said, I have to take credit for “alleged vagina.”
Ryan had an absolute stroke of genius to have Kreple as Weston singing “Anything Goes.” To have her belting that out in Weston’s gravel voice - - that just killed me every time. And the “Step one: Clickers. Step Two: Hmmm? Step Three: Profit.” That may have been borrowed from South Park, but hearing the “Hmmm?” was hilarious.
Zachar gave us “Saved By the Bell: The Law School Years,” which was unfortunately nixed by the producers. I thought it was great, and others will attest to this (particularly the Cliff joke and the student lounge reference – brilliant). With a little revision, it should be back next year though.
My other contributions – Community Justice Commandos and Hardball. Others came up with the Commandos idea, and I ran with it. It turned out beautiful, but more importantly, it was cathartic – beating the crap out of all the people and things in law school that ruin the experience - - let me tell you, there’s something to be said for vigilantism. And Hardball was great because I took a potentially show-killing sketch and turned it into something sharp and funny at the last minute.
Then there were the characters – Ryan’s Walter Dickey. Chris’s Tom Palay. My Cliff Thompson. Chris’s Leonard Kaplan. Solid gold.
I only wish Andy could have been more involved, but alas, he was doing something ambitious and academic. Still, he was always there with ideas, as well as a wicked 12(b)(6) for that ass.
3. The cast – with one glaring exception that I’ve already voiced privately and will not go into, I think the entire cast was phenomenal. Hendrix as Church and Ohnesorge, Kristen as Weston, Beidelschies as Smith and Clauss, Chris Anderson as Macauley, Mackenzie as Althouse, Stiles as Erlanger – all very funny. And they all provided great ideas throughout, particularly “Joel” (the life-sized Peter Griffin cardboard cutout). And Texas Scott stepped in for Andy in the MZRM sketch admirably. We all had our doubts about him, but at the final performance he was flawless. Fantastic jobs, all-around.
4. The Big Day. I thought having an entire day of rehearsal was going to get tedious and pointless. In reality, that was the best part of the entire thing, I think. By then we all had everything down, so we’d run through the shows, and suddenly realize how funny everything was really going to be. Before it was all ideas – things we were kicking around, things we had seen a million times. But to the audience, this was all going to be new and exciting. And during these rehearsals, I was starting to see it through their eyes. Like the ninja fight in MZRM – we had never practiced it before – it was all on paper. So when suddenly there was an actual ninja fight going on, that’s a whole different ballgame. And we knew the material so well, we started throwing in ad-libs and little things to keep it fresh. Little moments like Mackenzie pretending to lick the microphone in “Family Feud,” the reactions to Palay’s statements about grading in “Gunners in Love,” that type of stuff was all kinda last minute, and it made the shows even better.
Next up: The Performance
1. The producers – Jon Hendrix, Mackenzie, Becky, and Kristin – all did a great job. They had a much harder job than anyone realized - - all the administrative details like fund-raising and coordinating the performance that most of us didn’t see. They also had the unpleasant job of telling the performers what works, what doesn’t, and what’s not funny. We didn’t always agree with what they said, but someone had to be there making that type of hard decisions, and overall they did an excellent job, as evidenced by the performance.
2. The firm’s contributions – MZRM rocked the shit, simply put. We all contributed in big ways, and were integral to the entire show being as funny as it was. The MZRM sketch, for instance – I may have compiled it, but that was a team effort all the way. From the rejection letter that started it all, to the numerous Zacharisms, to Real Ultimate Power, to the multitude of gender, ethnicity, and race jokes throughout – we all had a major hand in it. That being said, I have to take credit for “alleged vagina.”
Ryan had an absolute stroke of genius to have Kreple as Weston singing “Anything Goes.” To have her belting that out in Weston’s gravel voice - - that just killed me every time. And the “Step one: Clickers. Step Two: Hmmm? Step Three: Profit.” That may have been borrowed from South Park, but hearing the “Hmmm?” was hilarious.
Zachar gave us “Saved By the Bell: The Law School Years,” which was unfortunately nixed by the producers. I thought it was great, and others will attest to this (particularly the Cliff joke and the student lounge reference – brilliant). With a little revision, it should be back next year though.
My other contributions – Community Justice Commandos and Hardball. Others came up with the Commandos idea, and I ran with it. It turned out beautiful, but more importantly, it was cathartic – beating the crap out of all the people and things in law school that ruin the experience - - let me tell you, there’s something to be said for vigilantism. And Hardball was great because I took a potentially show-killing sketch and turned it into something sharp and funny at the last minute.
Then there were the characters – Ryan’s Walter Dickey. Chris’s Tom Palay. My Cliff Thompson. Chris’s Leonard Kaplan. Solid gold.
I only wish Andy could have been more involved, but alas, he was doing something ambitious and academic. Still, he was always there with ideas, as well as a wicked 12(b)(6) for that ass.
3. The cast – with one glaring exception that I’ve already voiced privately and will not go into, I think the entire cast was phenomenal. Hendrix as Church and Ohnesorge, Kristen as Weston, Beidelschies as Smith and Clauss, Chris Anderson as Macauley, Mackenzie as Althouse, Stiles as Erlanger – all very funny. And they all provided great ideas throughout, particularly “Joel” (the life-sized Peter Griffin cardboard cutout). And Texas Scott stepped in for Andy in the MZRM sketch admirably. We all had our doubts about him, but at the final performance he was flawless. Fantastic jobs, all-around.
4. The Big Day. I thought having an entire day of rehearsal was going to get tedious and pointless. In reality, that was the best part of the entire thing, I think. By then we all had everything down, so we’d run through the shows, and suddenly realize how funny everything was really going to be. Before it was all ideas – things we were kicking around, things we had seen a million times. But to the audience, this was all going to be new and exciting. And during these rehearsals, I was starting to see it through their eyes. Like the ninja fight in MZRM – we had never practiced it before – it was all on paper. So when suddenly there was an actual ninja fight going on, that’s a whole different ballgame. And we knew the material so well, we started throwing in ad-libs and little things to keep it fresh. Little moments like Mackenzie pretending to lick the microphone in “Family Feud,” the reactions to Palay’s statements about grading in “Gunners in Love,” that type of stuff was all kinda last minute, and it made the shows even better.
Next up: The Performance
Process Stories
Before I comment on this year’s Law Revue, I’d like to make two initial observations:
Firstly, I’d like to congratulate Mr. Mad Dog / Soft Hands Martinez on begin elected as Senior Managing Editor of the Law Review (or Señor Managing Editor, for the Spanish-speaking readers). I wish you the best of luck with that, with the caveat that it had better not cut into your MZRM related duties (poker games, social drinking, offending people, cockslapping the insolent, etc.)
Second, I’d just like to point out the strangeness of last night’s after-Revue experience. At a dinner with several close friends, all of whom drink much more than me, I was the only one who had a drink with dinner. Then, at the bar afterwards, each of them went home around midnight. In a bizarre turn of events, I actually ended up staying there until bar time, shooting the shit with Jon Hendrix, Mackenzie, Becky, Kristen, and Jon Beidelschies. I still only had the two drinks total, and I was exhausted by the end of it, but I had a damn good time...in the Twilight Zone.
Firstly, I’d like to congratulate Mr. Mad Dog / Soft Hands Martinez on begin elected as Senior Managing Editor of the Law Review (or Señor Managing Editor, for the Spanish-speaking readers). I wish you the best of luck with that, with the caveat that it had better not cut into your MZRM related duties (poker games, social drinking, offending people, cockslapping the insolent, etc.)
Second, I’d just like to point out the strangeness of last night’s after-Revue experience. At a dinner with several close friends, all of whom drink much more than me, I was the only one who had a drink with dinner. Then, at the bar afterwards, each of them went home around midnight. In a bizarre turn of events, I actually ended up staying there until bar time, shooting the shit with Jon Hendrix, Mackenzie, Becky, Kristen, and Jon Beidelschies. I still only had the two drinks total, and I was exhausted by the end of it, but I had a damn good time...in the Twilight Zone.
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