Thursday, October 25, 2007

Vice Law Offices, S.C. : Serving Your Mom Since 2007

Well it's official - no one wants to hire me. That's fine. I say screw you guys, I'm going home. By "home," I am of course referring to my own business. I'm sorry it's come to this, but it had to happen sooner or later. So here's to being my own boss, setting my own hours, and hopefully working with a bad-ass partner.

Monday, October 15, 2007

25

Well, that was one bad-ass quarter of a century. It's a pretty amazing thing to be able to look back and say that each year has been better than the year before it, but that's where I'm at right now. And although the traditional Devil's Lake hiking trip didn't happen due to some inappropriately scheduled rain, the weekend was pretty sweet. Except, of course, for the ass-whipping the Bager received. But after that - a trip through a giganimous corn maze with Mr. Ismael, Dr. Utah, and Ms. PH, which was awesome. Then we played Dread Pirate, a game which basically consists of pillaging, skirmishing, and mounds of gold.

Yesterday, the assembled Superfriends (minus RPM and The San Who Shall Not Be Named, unfortunately) ate breakfast at Bluephies, played indoor minigolf at Vitense, played a massive game of RISK, watched the Packers defeat some sort of Indian tribe, and ate Butterfinger cake and ice cream. Then I spent some quality time with a bad-ass hippopotamus, read a (muh'fuckin') book, watched some Buffy, and called it a night.

The only downside about 25ism? No more health care. Assholes.

On the plus side, I can run for Congress now if I get bored doing other stuff.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Burn!

I called Charter today to see if they could help fix our internet connection, because we've had little to no signal for nearly a week. So when I get on the phone with the lady and give her my information, the first thing she says is "You're going to have to give me a moment, my computer's being slow."

I was this close to responding, "Ah, I see you also have Charter."

Monday, October 08, 2007

Watch Your Cornhole, Buddy

So for those of you who use gmail, do you know how when you're checking an email message, to the right of the message google has placed links to things that are similar to the contents of your message? For example, when I have messages that are law-related, it places links to law firms, or when one message discusses cats, there are links to cat declawing or cat rescue.

Well, in a recent message which made references to a corn maze, google gave me links to "cornhole4sale.com" and "cornholeoutlet.com."

Uh....thanks, but no thanks.....

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Awesome and Great!

Here is the actual jingle that was just used on a promo for ABC:

"Make a man date
For Tuesday at 8
Cavemen and Carpoolers are
awesome and great!!"

I can't even begin to describe how much hatred is coursing through my veins right now. It's the kind of feeling that makes people start to think that genocide is an acceptable practice. Say, for example, if ABC ad executives could be considered a separate race of people. This jingle only has four lines, and three of them are atrocities against creativity. First of all, "man date?" Second, Cavemen? Third and finally, "awesome and great?"

I've got more creativity in a single strand of ball hair than these fuckers do in their whole advertising department.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Game On

Let the battle commence! If you've kept up, you'll know I'm referring to that big case I'm working on where we've been challenging the constitutionality of statutes left and right, and winning, surprisingly enough. Let me recap: first there was the defamation charge, which the State conceded was unconstitutional. Then we took a shot in the dark at the identity theft charge, and, to my utter astonishment, we won that too, and the judge dismissed. Apparently not knowing when they were completely outmatched, the State appealed immediately. While they worked on that, I set my sights on another charge, decided I didn't like that either (factual grounds, not constitutional), and filed a Motion to Destroy. Once again, the State conceded I was right. And thus fell three of six charges.

Don't call it a comeback, folks - the State filed its appellate brief about a month ago. Upon initial reading, I wanted to cry. They had two arguments, both of which seemed dead-on. But I preservered, and for the past couple weeks I have been busting my ass to, yet again, create the law I as I wish it.

Well, now it's done.

And let me tell you, it's actually pretty damn good. My last brief on this charge was pretty lame, to be honest - it was mostly misdirection and logic-leaping. Put another way, it was much like the Underpants Gnomes business plan:

Step 1 - The defamation statute is unconstitutional.
Step 2 - ???
Step 3 - Therefore, the identity theft statute is also unconstitutional.

This time, however, I was actually able to come up with something. For several reasons, I think - partially because of the trial court judge's unbelievably favorable ruling, partially because the way the statute applies to the facts is slightly more favorable than originally thought, and partially because I found some relatively decent caselaw. So now it's all set to go, with my name included on the cover and everything.

Now the AG gets another chance to reply, then it's off to the Court of Appeals. Possibly the Supreme Court, if they agree to bypass.

Time for Thunderdome. I don't really expect to win, but holy balls if we did.....

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Good Enough For Me

(Sniff) What's that I smell? (sniff) Caselaw? (sniff sniff) Favorable caselaw? (sniff sniff) Relatively-on-point? You've got to be kidding me. (sniff) Published favorable relatively-on-point caselaw? Weird. Ooh, what's that? (sniff) Federal? Nice. Oh, wait... (sniff) New Hampshire? Thats...kinda like a state, right?

Fuck it. It's going in.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Beach Cats

It's official - after months of cat-not-having, we now have approximately two cats in the apartment. Their names are Emmy and Maggie, both are females. Emmy is a dark gray color, while Maggie is gray and white. They are both supercute, and friendly.

I have to say, the best part about having cats so far is having watched Maggie stare down a stuffed purple unicorn for nearly fifteen minutes. The unicorn, of course, never blinked, so Maggie became pretty unnerved, and repeatedly backed away in fear. Then she would peak her head back out, stare down the unicorn again, until again becoming wary of its fearsome appearance and backing away.