Great Moments in Academic History Part I

Here are choice moments of the past two weeks worth of classes:

Trusts and Estates - my thoughts:
- I'm not sure about the relevance of this class - who needs trusts and estates when you're immortal?
- Would it be inappropriate to look at the seating chart and start crossing people off?
- Erlanger: "We want probate"
All: "We want probate, yeah!!"

Legal Process –
Class session #1 - This is absolutely worthless
Class session #2 - We've just bypassed absolutely worthless and gone straight to fucking ludicrous.

Hegel’s Theory of the Modern State” p 21
“Democratic spirit….which makes it impossible for any tolerably good head to depend wholly and absolutely on one person.”
- Indeed.

Prosecution Functions:
Defender Project instructor: The prosecutor's not going to show you all of his cards. Sometimes he might show you one card.
What card will that be? King High

Student: "A lot of people rat out other people on a bunch of shit to save their ass."
Kempenin: "Elegantly stated."

On Squeaky Shoes

This morning, while sitting on the 5th floor benches in the hall of the Law Building reading ‘Hegel’s Theory of the Modern State’ (which is a great book, by the way, if you want to die but just can’t find the motivation to do something about it yourself), I kept one eye on my book and one eye on people’s feet as they walked by. Not that I have a thing for shoes, but because then I’d know if it was a man or woman, and by the breadth of the leg I’d know whether there was something worth looking up to see (except with men and effeminate shoes – you guys are fucking up the system). Anyway, I noticed a girl walking by with squeaky shoes. It was only me and her in the hallway, and she seemed embarrassed, stopped, adjusted her shoe, and walked on, squeaking away. This made me smile. Not because I was looking down upon her and her squeaky shoes, but because of the basic universal truth of self-consciousness – I know I do the same stuff, be it squeaky shoes, being the shortest person in most rooms (or so it seems), or the ever-present hair or face or skin conditions (crabs?) that I’m sure everyone else is noticing and making fun of. As it turns out, the vast majority of the time, everyone else is worrying about their own hair or face or crabs, and barely notice yours. So be it her squeaky shoes or mine, I can’t help but smile before returning to my book. (stupid Hegel)

Degradation

I’ve decided that reality television is the fat, lazy whore of the television programming whorehouse. Nobody really wants to look at her, nobody really feels good about themselves afterward, but they’re much easier to find, and much less expensive to keep around. They don’t have to make much of an effort – there’s always a market of poor pathetic souls who will keep them in business, because as much as we want a pretty girl, at the end of the day, sleazy and slutty gets the job done for far too many. Put a fat bitch in a bikini, and you know somebody’s gonna watch, whether this actually turns them on, or just for the novelty of it. As the pimps of our tv whorehouse, TV executives know that most people would rather have something really attractive, something with some depth of character. Just like we’d ideally like our women to be gorgeous, intelligent, funny, and exciting, we want our television to be entertaining, emotionally involving, funny, and multi-layered. Unfortunately, these are more difficult to find, and are much higher maintenance, which means more costly to our TV executive pimps. So they continue to cater to the lowest common denominator, lowering the standards for us, and too many people continue buying. And the bastards that just want to get laid are ruining the whorehouse. My advice – lets raise our collective standards, and stop consuming trash. Maybe then we’ll get something worth looking at.

And if this little allegory offended any women, men, whores, reality tv fans, pimps, tv executives, or Native Americans, fuck yourself, and stop watching filth.

Total Perspective Vortex

Those people in class that feel the need to comment on everything and nod their heads enthusiastically every time the professor glances around the room - yeah, you know who you are. Apparently law school hasn’t completely crushed your spirit yet. This reminds me of “Hitchhiker’s Guide,” where Zaphod stepped inside the Total Perspective Vortex, a machine designed to show someone the entire universe to give them an idea of exactly how small and insignificant you are, which ultimately destroyed those people, then Zaphod steps out still believing that, despite what he’s seen, he is still the most important person in the universe. It was hilarious in the book, but here’s its just wrong. And in the book, he didn’t actually step into the real machine – it was an artificial one designed so that he would survive. And that’s the point – going into the vortex and stepping out with the same attitude of self-importance is just wrong. So to all of you here with spirits intact, I hope you die.

Now I'm going to interrupt here, as if it was my turn to speak

I don't really like the idea of blogging, but since I've found I enjoy purusing those of my friends while I'm supposed to be paying attention in class, I thought I'd give back to the community and give them something more to aid in the process of not paying attention. More to follow.