I had many dreams last night, some frustrating, some resulting in my death, some just oddly amusing. But there was one that was completely badass. Allow me to present the next great American past time:
Tarknin.
Tarknin is essentially a cross between hockey and lumberjacking. There is a circular arena with three teams and three large goals. There are no goalies. There are also no balls or pucks of any kind. No, Tarknin uses timber. I'm talking actual tree logs, varying in size. There are several logs on the arena at any given time. Each player has a staff or other object, and we use these staffs to corral the logs and propel them towards the goal. Every goal is worth two points.
In my dream, I got to play this game with and against friends for maybe ten minutes, and let me tell you, it was fan-fucking-tastic. And not just because I scored, launching a fifteen foot log across the arena and into our goal. The whole thing was just plain fun.
And more than that, after the game we all devised a sort of program for our Tarknin league. And when I say "we," I pretty much mean Mr. Utah designed the program. Accordingly, each player had a picture in the guide resembling themselves in the style of a World of Warcraft character. We each had badass nicknames, and some of us were depicted riding three of the four horses of the apocalypse. Only, one of them was a actually flaming orange firebear named "Hell."
Bottom line: football is for pussies.
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