The Whirlwind

Ever have that feeling where you've suddenly stepped into some alternate reality, where everything that happens is surreal and awesome? We had one of those moments about an hour ago. PH and I had just left the mall, where we had purchased some clothing, a new suit, and a couple of frothy beverages. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and the air was warm and pleasant. We had walked there, and we started walking back. We walked along the parking lot behind JC Penneys, just passing the Chilis, and contemplating how to spend the rest of the beautiful day.

Just then, the wind picked up. Soon it became difficult to walk or speak. Debris battered us like stinging hail. For a moment, I seriously considered trying to duck and cover, it was so ridiculous. But we kept going, past the area behind the Boston Store where the cars were parked, into the barren wasteland of a parking lot As we marveled at the force of the wind, a shopping cart appeared across the lot, moving of its own accord. It raced toward us as though by jet propulsion. It had apparently escaped the Cub Foods area, and was on a mission to destroy. First it was just bizarre, then it was a little scary, as it was seriously moving toward us. Then its trajectory carried it past us, and it was hilarious. But then we realized it was heading for the rows of parked cars, and it had a serious head of steam going.

Making a snap decision, I dropped my new suit bag on the ground and chased after the cart. I only had sandles on, making it a little difficult to run, but I sprinted after it and began gaining ground. But the cart was still about fifty feet ahead, with about fifty feet before it would smash into the side of a car. I put the burners on and snagged that sucker about fifteen feet short of hitting the car.

After taking a moment to process, I walked the car back towards PH, who by now was laughing gregariously at the absurdity of it all. I couldn't help but join her. Strangely, the wind had all but disappeared by then. And although it reared its head again later during the walk back, it remained pretty still as we marched the intrepid shopping cart back to the Cub cart corrals.

Now we're just left with questions. Mainly, WTF? Also, was what I did heroic? Well, it depends on what you...yes, of course it was. In fact, it was a lot like Xander Cage chasing down Ahab and plunging it into the river, except I didn't deploy my harpoon. It was one of those defining moments that comes along once in a decade or so, and you have to decide for yourself whether to let the magically speeding shopping cart go and put a sizeable dent in someone's car, or whether you have to chase it down and corral that motherfucker. I chose the latter.

Someday, you may have to choose for yourself.