The Importance of Grammar

Today I observed the following bumper sticker on a car window:

"Bad-ass boys ride bad ass toys!"

At first glance, this may seem like a perfectly innocuous attempt at male bravado. However, upon closer inspection, a serious flaw becomes apparent.

Now, by no means am I a grammar Nazi. Being part-black myself, I understand the occasional need to completely eviscerate the English language. Still, I have to take issue with this particular statement. Let me break it down for you:

"Bad-ass" is an excellent word, by all accounts. Often used to describe the kung fu stylings of Chuck Norris, the latest Vin Diesel movie, and Acts of Favre. However, to be used as intended in the above bumper sticker, it NEEDS a hyphen. When the hyphen is omitted, the original intent of the sentence can be completely subverted.

For example, let's examine the phrase "bad ass toys." In this context, "bad" acts as an adjective. Without the hyphen, the word "ass" is not connected to "bad;" instead, it becomes part of the object of the sentence - "ass toys."

For a man, association in any way with "ass toys" is generally not helpful when attempting to construct a macho image. Even worse, the adjective "bad" implies that not only is an ass toy in use, but the toy itself is of poor quality or craftsmanship.

And use of the verb "ride" indicates that not only does the man possess a shoddy butt plug, but confirms that he rides it.

Proper pronunciation of the phrase thus changes from what the man intended:

"Bad-ass boys ride bad-ass toys!"
to
"Bad-ass boys ride bad ass toys!"


This, my friends, is the importance of grammar.



Also, the car was a piece of shit.