I've got a bone to pick with Charlie's Worst Song in the World competition. The competition pitted Tiny Tim's "Tiptoe through the Tulips" against Sisqo's "Thong Song," for the unenviable title of worst song ever. The link I provided has clips for each to help you decide. I can't find any information on this competition, other than these two songs squared off for #1 in terms of pure audio feces. I don't know if there were other songs in competition and these two made it to the finals, or if the station took a poll, or if someone just picked these two.
Whatever their methods, it appears that "Tiptoe" has pulled into a commanding lead, 67-33. Rightfully so, in my opinion. After listening to that song for the first time, I had to shut it off almost immediately because I could feel my internal organs on the verge of shredding themselves in protest. I literally felt nauseous for the next 10 minutes. I don't think I've ever had such a strong physical reaction to music before. I've read a series of fantasy books where a composer stumbled upon music that could be arranged in a way so as to kill all of the listeners, and I'm pretty sure that was based on this song.
By contrast, and I know I'll draw some heat for this, but "Thong Song" doesn't even remotely qualify as the worst song ever. Sure, the topic is ridiculous and banal. Sure the lyrics are simplistic and repetitive. I'll be the first to admit, "Dumps like a truck, truck, truck, Thighs like what, what, what" is straight up fucking retarded. And yes, the overall result is annoying beyond reproach, especially considering how overplayed it was for a dark period in history.
But I believe it has at least some positive attributes, which is more than can be said for songs like "Tulips" and a few others that come to mind. For example, strip away all of the lyrics and singing, and the song has a decent Timbaland-esque arrangement to it. In particular, I can appreciate the use of the violin melody, because at least it is a break from some of the painfully monotonous and uninspired beats that plagues modern R&B and hip hop. Most of the shit today has little more than a drum beat and a terrible rapper and/or singer. This has a flippin' violin. I have to give props for that.
Also, Sisqo has some pipes. Forgot the drivel that he's saying for a moment, listen to his voice. Especially compared to today's flavor-of-the-month R&B singers. You'll notice a stark difference: he doesn't sound like a robot chipmunk (I'm looking at you, T-Pain and Ne-Yo. For a related note, see this amusing video about the relationship between T-Pain and his vocoder.) Sisqo actually sounds like a person when he sings. More than that, he's a good-ass singer.
Well...that about exhausts the list of positive attributes for this song. Still, it's way out of the "Tulips" league, and definitely not the 2nd worst song ever.
No, my friends, the 2nd worst song ever is Federline's ode to d-baggery, "Popozao." This transcends even the "awesomely bad" label (see "Ice Ice Baby" or "Rock Lobster") and moves straight into terribly, horribly, atrociously bad territory.
Still, it's no "Tip Toe through the Tulips," and that's saying a lot.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment