Thursday, January 18, 2007

Robot Rights? My Ass!

The British government is apparently worried that robots might one day become so advanced through artificial intelligence that they will demand rights. They may demand to be treated as citizens, and may one day sue to be provided with full social benefits including housing, income support, and robo-health care. The state-sponsored study indicated, although this is probably at least 20 years away, that a "monumental shift" could occur if robots advanced to the point where they could reproduce or think for themselves.

Like hell, says I.

Listen up, you goddamn hippie-ass crackpots. The moment a man-made piece of metal demands to be treated like a citizen, those of us who are not bird-shit crazy will take a sledgehammer and fuck it up, Office Space-style. And don't even get me started on robo-humping.

Apparently the U.K. Office of Science and Innovation's Horizon Scanning Center thinks it's cool to just completely make shit up, then speculate about it like this is actual scientific discussion. Here's a thought - - let's not make robots advanced enough that we have to sit and debate whether robots have souls or feelings. I've seen Galactica, I've seen the Matrix, I've seen I, Robot. It never ends well. Take a few too many steps into the "playing God" zone, and you've got a full-on robo-revolution on your hands.

Nah. Robots wanna give me sass, I'll kick them squah in the nuts.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

To be fair, this is the same British government that thinks it should keep files on every citizen to monitor how frequently your children are being sung nursery rhymes and how many vegetables they are eating. You (especially you) should probably be more worried about a carrot-enforcement raid than social security benefits for our organically-challenged British bretheren. Or just chalk it all up to the tooth-rot expanding into their limey brains.

Johnny Utah said...

If robots achieve the ability to reproduce, it will give entirely new meanings to the phrases "screw," "nail," and "nut in her face."