Cake Day

Birthdays, Christmas, Halloween, Easter, Thanksgiving, Arbor Day - - all enjoyable holidays, but all come only once a year. But this weekend marked the dawning of a new holiday, one which can come at any time of year. That's right - - Cake Day. A holiday for those of us who believe the food pyramid should go eat itself, and are not afraid to tell it so by consuming massive quantities of delicious chocolate cake. All it takes is a simple declaration (a non-binding resolution, if you will) that screw everything, it's time to eat yourself some good-ass cake. Then, you and your friends/loved ones/complete strangers need only head to your local cake dealership, purchase the most ridiculously unhealthy cake you can find, and commence gluttony.

Those are the only rules. As such, Cake Day is quite flexible. It can be held concurrent with any other holiday, thereby enhancing said holiday. It can stand on its own, bringing much needed cheer to an otherwise cakeless existence. The cake does not need to be eaten in one sitting; on the contrary, spreading the consumption over time only increases the enjoyment. Thus Cake Day can easily turn into Cake Weekend, or (theoretically) Cake Week. Anything beyond that might be problemmatic, because once you reach the inevitable 500 lb mark, it will become difficult to roll yourself into an upright position and then proceed to the store for more cake. Therefore, like all good things, Cake Day should be applied in moderation, lest the desire to consume cake destroy the ability to consume more cake.

Despite the potential pitfalls, I would strongly urge you all to consider marking Cake Day on your calendars. ANYWHERE AND EVERYWHERE YOU WANT.

It's Cake Day, bitches!