"I am the Lord your God. Thou shalt worship no other God before me."
How about that for a memorable opening line? This is the first time we see President Jebediah "Jed" Bartlett on The West Wing - - imposing, erudite, every bit the president. Of course, we also found out that he had, earlier in the week, ridden his bicycle into a tree, and was now walking with a cane. This was the spirit of the show - tackling the big issues, showing public service at its finest, while undercutting the characters and plots with a whimsical sense of humor. When Aaron Sorkin ran the show, the dialogue absolutely popped, with characters rushing headlong down the building's endless corridors, trading policy talk and witticisms at a breathtaking rate. If you looked away for a second, you missed something important. Zone out for a bit, and you have no idea what's going on. Sometimes even when you pay attention and understand what is generally happening, you still don't know what they're talking about. Even then, you get the feeling that it's something tremendously important, and the characters are doing everything they can to fix it. Even the dullest of political subjects seemed exhilarating.
Alas, I never actually watched the show while it was on the air. I caught on late, and decided to catch myself up by watching all of the seasons on DVD before actually watching a new episode, because I would just be lost, or I would have missed something really worthwhile. So at this point, I have seen the first 6 seasons, and am eagerly looking forward to next Tuesday, when the 7th and final season comes out on DVD. I am told that the final season was terrible; perhaps it will be. But I have to know how it ends. I want to see every moment of it, because every moment on this show is the potential for greatness. Seasons 5 and 6 (the post-Sorkin era) have also been widely-panned for lacking that kinetic spark of Sorkin's dialogue, and for having become too dramatized and soapish. While I agree that these seasons didn't match the overall quality of the first four, and generally had more episodes that weren't top-notch, they still packed quite a punch, and were still better shows than 95% of everything on the air. I had lowered expectations going in for both of them, and came away pleasantly surprised. So I'm more than willing to see Season 7 through to the potentially bitter end.
To me, The West Wing was truly something special. For someone who has always loved politics, this is the pinnacle of what politics could be to me. This is what public service should be about - - people who really care about making the lives of others better, and who aren't out for personal gain. People who believe in American democracy, people who strive to achieve the ideal, even knowing they will probably fall far short. Here we had a president who was a brilliant mind, regardless of his politics. Here we had real patriots who exercised power for the purpose of creating progress. For anyone wondering why I jump from cult shows about killing demons like Buffy to sharp political dramas like the West Wing, there's the connection - - power. Whether physical, supernatural, or political, the possession, usage, and limits of power have always fascinated me.
But the West Wing did more than just deliver a political fix; it actually changed my political views. I started watching in the spring of 2004; in the fall of 2003, I was still a Republican. I had never given much thought to particular issues, but my grandfather, a 20-yr veteran of the Wisconsin state legislature, was a dyed-in-the-wool conservative, and he helped cultivate my interest in politics. But between taking a Modern American History class that fall and watching this show, my views changed in a hurry. The history class made me take a more critical look at the post-WWII era and the issues it spawned; the West Wing made me reexamine my personal feelings about those issues. For example, in senior year of high school I wrote a paper stating my stance on the death penalty. I didn't really have one at the time, and ended up supporting the death penalty because I took a look at an ACLU list of reasons why to abolish it, and found myself countering every point they made. But after watching the episode "Take This Sabbath Day" in the first season, I had to reexamine that, and pretty quickly resolved that I couldn't endorse state-sponsored killing. I hadn't been brainwashed by the show's blatantly liberal bias (which it surely had), I just found myself agreeing with a more compelling argument. That was neither the first nor the last time the West Wing would change my mind.
I know that real politics is not even remotely like this show. I know that the people involved are self-interested, even those who honestly attempt to serve the public. I know not everyone involved is as smart or persuasive, as elegant or as wise as these characters. I know I'm sure as hell not. And the demands of reality have pretty much convinced me I'll never actually become a politician, nor even attempt to. But the glimmer of hope I have, not just of becoming one, but of why I'd want to become one - - this show is what kept that glimmer alive, and will continue to. And though I'll probably never end up a politician, I still hope to become a public servant in some form or another. To me, this show will forever set the standard.
Next in the series: Firefly
Monday, October 30, 2006
Friday, October 27, 2006
Buffy the Vampire Slayer; Angel, the Series
If you've ever been to my apartment, you know that I have a large collection of TV series on DVD; if you ever take a closer look, you'll notice that 12 of these dvd sets constitute the complete collection of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (7 seasons), as well as its spin-off show, Angel (5 seasons). These were the first ones I ever got on dvd, and the ones I've spent the most time watching. I've seen every episode of each series several times. So the big question - - Why these shows?
First, I'll admit, the concept sounds pretty silly. A 90-lb blonde chick from California with superpowers who fights vampires. Superchick falls in love with occasionally evil, 240 year old vampire, who then heads to LA to get his own show, and battles an evil law firm.
Just by the title itself, many brush Buffy and its counterpart off as stupid teenage fluff with monsters. But the reason these shows are so good, the reason they developed cult followings and lasted for so long, the reason they achieved so much critical acclaim - - the writer, Joss Whedon. Whedon takes far-fetched, fantastical things like demons, vampires, witches, werewolves, and zombies and turns them into metaphorical representations of the evils we face in every day life. He uses fantasy to explore the truths of reality, and thats what hooks me.
I started watching Buffy at its 4th season; I read a TV guide once that explained the show and told all about its past three seasons, and that a spinoff (Angel) was starting that year as well. The premise of Buffy is simple: High school is hell, literally. The local high school sits atop the mouth of hell. You know how every problem that comes up in high school seems like life and death to a teenager? For Buffy, everything IS life and death. And all of the problems in high school manifest themselves in a supernatural form. A girl that no one notices turns invisible, and starts terrorizing the people that ignored her. The group of mean kids that delight in tormenting people get possessed by a demonic spirit, and really start tearing people apart. Buffy meets an older, mysterious boyfriend with a troubled past; turns out he's a centuries old vampire with a soul, who used to be the most sadistic, vicious killer in the world. A girl who wishes everything were different actually gets to live out that wish in an alternate reality, and finds out everything would be much, much worse.
As the chosen one, Buffy has to deal with every mess that comes up, while keeping her secret identity from her mom. She becomes an outcast at school, because she's always involved in the weird and supernatural. Thus she meets a couple of other outcasts, and they help her fight. Sometimes the fight takes on apocolyptic proportions; other times its simply a matter of growing up. The character development is fantastic; Whedon gives his characters real depth - strengths, weaknesses, awkwardness, success, and failure. And it has real consequences. Whedon's not afraid to kill off his characters for the good of the story. He'll just as soon wrench your heart out and stamp on it before giving you what you want to see. His motto was always to give the viewer what they need, not what they want. And it was never just as simple as kill demons, good over evil. The show explored all of the moral quandries that came with adolescence, as well as the possession and usage of power. And it made for some damn compelling television.
Even more than that, the shows were hilarious, and featured plenty of ass-kicking (especially in the later seasons, when they had a bigger budget. And especially on Angel.) Whedon imbued his characters with his subversive sense of humor, with characters tossing off witty, sarcastic comments at all times, especially in the face of impending death. Then, yes, the fighting. Buffy had super strength, as did the vampires and demons she faced. Other crew members developed powers as well, and at times, there were some full-scale beatdowns. And boy do I like me some kung fu fighting.
So what about Angel? After a painful relapse as psycho-killer (here vampirism serves as a metaphor for substance abuse), Angel skips town and opens a detective agency. Huh? Well, that was mostly a front so he could hunt down evil and try to earn redemption for all the horrible things he did. A couple familiar faces join him, and soon he finds himself in a world of trouble. A mega-powerful law firm apparently controls the city, and represents the vast majority of the world's evil. (something we can identify with, no?) This show really explores the themes of power, corruption, and coming to terms with your past.
As a more adult show than Buffy, I actually enjoyed it more overall. For one thing, plenty more fighting. It was still funny, though not as funny as Buffy because it had a darker tone. But it had the same strengths -- representing real world evil through supernatural creatures, backed by deep characters who developed so much through five seasons.
Ultimately, this show got cut off by the network at its peak; season 5 ended with what's left of the hero core (some had just gotten killed) facing a massive battle which they probably wouldn't survive. Whedon intended the show to go on longer, but it was not to be (Fuckin' WB network).
So the end served as a metaphor - - the good fight never ends. People who stand up and take action against evil and corruption will spend their entire lives in battle. And to this, Whedon's characters live and die by the immortal words of Carl Johnson: "Fuck it. I'm down."
Next in the series: The West Wing
First, I'll admit, the concept sounds pretty silly. A 90-lb blonde chick from California with superpowers who fights vampires. Superchick falls in love with occasionally evil, 240 year old vampire, who then heads to LA to get his own show, and battles an evil law firm.
Just by the title itself, many brush Buffy and its counterpart off as stupid teenage fluff with monsters. But the reason these shows are so good, the reason they developed cult followings and lasted for so long, the reason they achieved so much critical acclaim - - the writer, Joss Whedon. Whedon takes far-fetched, fantastical things like demons, vampires, witches, werewolves, and zombies and turns them into metaphorical representations of the evils we face in every day life. He uses fantasy to explore the truths of reality, and thats what hooks me.
I started watching Buffy at its 4th season; I read a TV guide once that explained the show and told all about its past three seasons, and that a spinoff (Angel) was starting that year as well. The premise of Buffy is simple: High school is hell, literally. The local high school sits atop the mouth of hell. You know how every problem that comes up in high school seems like life and death to a teenager? For Buffy, everything IS life and death. And all of the problems in high school manifest themselves in a supernatural form. A girl that no one notices turns invisible, and starts terrorizing the people that ignored her. The group of mean kids that delight in tormenting people get possessed by a demonic spirit, and really start tearing people apart. Buffy meets an older, mysterious boyfriend with a troubled past; turns out he's a centuries old vampire with a soul, who used to be the most sadistic, vicious killer in the world. A girl who wishes everything were different actually gets to live out that wish in an alternate reality, and finds out everything would be much, much worse.
As the chosen one, Buffy has to deal with every mess that comes up, while keeping her secret identity from her mom. She becomes an outcast at school, because she's always involved in the weird and supernatural. Thus she meets a couple of other outcasts, and they help her fight. Sometimes the fight takes on apocolyptic proportions; other times its simply a matter of growing up. The character development is fantastic; Whedon gives his characters real depth - strengths, weaknesses, awkwardness, success, and failure. And it has real consequences. Whedon's not afraid to kill off his characters for the good of the story. He'll just as soon wrench your heart out and stamp on it before giving you what you want to see. His motto was always to give the viewer what they need, not what they want. And it was never just as simple as kill demons, good over evil. The show explored all of the moral quandries that came with adolescence, as well as the possession and usage of power. And it made for some damn compelling television.
Even more than that, the shows were hilarious, and featured plenty of ass-kicking (especially in the later seasons, when they had a bigger budget. And especially on Angel.) Whedon imbued his characters with his subversive sense of humor, with characters tossing off witty, sarcastic comments at all times, especially in the face of impending death. Then, yes, the fighting. Buffy had super strength, as did the vampires and demons she faced. Other crew members developed powers as well, and at times, there were some full-scale beatdowns. And boy do I like me some kung fu fighting.
So what about Angel? After a painful relapse as psycho-killer (here vampirism serves as a metaphor for substance abuse), Angel skips town and opens a detective agency. Huh? Well, that was mostly a front so he could hunt down evil and try to earn redemption for all the horrible things he did. A couple familiar faces join him, and soon he finds himself in a world of trouble. A mega-powerful law firm apparently controls the city, and represents the vast majority of the world's evil. (something we can identify with, no?) This show really explores the themes of power, corruption, and coming to terms with your past.
As a more adult show than Buffy, I actually enjoyed it more overall. For one thing, plenty more fighting. It was still funny, though not as funny as Buffy because it had a darker tone. But it had the same strengths -- representing real world evil through supernatural creatures, backed by deep characters who developed so much through five seasons.
Ultimately, this show got cut off by the network at its peak; season 5 ended with what's left of the hero core (some had just gotten killed) facing a massive battle which they probably wouldn't survive. Whedon intended the show to go on longer, but it was not to be (Fuckin' WB network).
So the end served as a metaphor - - the good fight never ends. People who stand up and take action against evil and corruption will spend their entire lives in battle. And to this, Whedon's characters live and die by the immortal words of Carl Johnson: "Fuck it. I'm down."
Next in the series: The West Wing
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Saturday Night Live
My review of television shows past and present will focus on hour-long shows, rather than sitcoms, cartoons, or others. But first I should give a shout-out to the show that sparked my interest in television, acting, and comedy forever -- Saturday Night Live. I started watching when I was about 10, and watched every Saturday night for probably 6 years or more. What first got me was the political impressions. I've been interested in politics my whole life, and interested in making fun of politics for nearly as long. I walked around spouting off Dana Carvey's catchphrases for George HW Bush and Ross Perot to all my family members back in 1992. That was the time when Farley, Sandler, Spade, Hartman, and (ugh) Schneider dominated the show. Then they moved on, and the show tanked for awhile.
I still watched. It was the coolest thing I'd ever seen. A show like that can make fun of anything, tell any story it wants. Sometimes it was cutting edge, and sometimes it was terrible. But when there's a good sketch, a really good, sharp sketch, that will stay with you for years. And then get made into a terrible, terrible movie. Or, it could spawn the Blues Brothers, still one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. Or the Blues Brothers 2000. Let's not go there.
Anyway, about 1996, the show hit another high period, with the additions of Will Ferrell, Darrell Hammond, and Molly Shannon (although, personally I found all of her popular recurring characters painfully annoying). Suddenly the show was cool again, and there were so many sketches I enjoyed. I had a friend named Adam who felt the same way, and each day at school we'd be doing our favorite impressions, spouting off lines about Bill Brasky, and inadvertently slipping into Harry Caray voices and shaking our heads in attacks of Parkinson's disease.
Then one day I had a English project where one option was to make a video related thematically to a book we read. A couple other friends who were in that class also enjoyed SNL, and we came up with an idea to do a video like an SNL sketch with Harry Caray. I got to play Harry. Now, looking back, my impression was terrible in that sketch. But the whole class loved it. That video got shown to other classes, and I had people all over telling me how funny it was. This was huge for me, since I was generally pretty quiet in school, and now people I rarely spoke to and barely knew were telling me how funny they thought the sketch was.
Around this time Adam and I decided we wanted to make some other sketches. The more we talked about it, the more and more we wanted to do. Our other friends were interested, and pretty soon we had a full show's worth of sketches, plus Weekend Update, fake musical guests, the whole nine yards. Eventually we got it organized and started taping. It was AWESOME. We didn't get much accomplished at first because we kept making ourselves laugh, and we could never complete the sketches. Still, it was one of the most exhilarating things I've ever done.
Suddenly I wasn't just some teenage kid from rural Wisconsin; I WAS Bill Clinton. I WAS Sean Connery. I WAS a Brasky guy, a Roxbury guy, and the host of Weekend Update. I WAS Vanilla Ice, and Ross Perot, and Matt Foley, motivational speaker. I got to be a Blues Brother - - I got to dance and lip synch to "Sweet Home Chicago." Beyond that, I was a writer, and a producer, and an actor. And soon I was known throughout the school for more than just the guy that was going to be president someday.
Of course, reality set in eventually, and we didn't have so much free time anymore. People got jobs, people got busy. It took us all four years of high school to put together a final tape. And then we hit it big. First, we had made a debate between Bush and Gore, where I got to play Gore, and take on a ludicrous Tennessee accent. That got played for our World Affairs and Senior Social Studies classes, until our teacher started figuring out some of the sexual innuendoes. (eg Cheney made a cameo to inform everyone that there's no better combination than "Dick" and "Bush.") Shortly afterward, the full tape got out. By then we were in our last semester, and classes didn't matter much. So any class that had a cast member in it with some down time decided to pop in the tape.
By then, the actual show had gown downhill again, and I didn't really watch anymore, but it didn't matter. It created a monster. In my second year of undergrad, a bunch of us got together again over vacation, and decided to pop the tape in for old time's sake. Someone suggested afterward that we make more shows. That's all it took for me. I was banging out script after script for the next couple of months. And there was that feeling again - - I WAS Sean Connery and Harry Caray and Chris Matthews and Donald Rumsfeld and Christopher Walken (!!) all over again.
On top of the new show, I wrote a script for a Matrix parody. I got to be friggin' Neo. We staged fight scenes. We had fake stunts. We had Uzi's. We had futuristic techno. We had trench coats and Agents and a sweet-ass "your mom" joke. The thing turned out to be 14 minutes long, and we used it as a fake movie preview. Hella tight.
I had to push that show through by sheer will, because by that time we were even more scattered, and even more involved with other projects (ie "real life"). But eventually we finished, and it was, in my opinion, even better than the first. And once again, we had an incredibly good time making it.
Hence my love for Law Revue. It gives me a chance to express some creativity, live vicariously through characters, talk about "alleged vaginas," and, as in MZRM, say some incredibly sexist, racist, and straight-up bad-assist things in front of a large crowd of, well, douchebags. And I get to be Cliff Thompson. How sweet is that?
So here's to you, SNL. The show that carried me through my formative years, and made me love television so much I wanted to make my own. That was the big thing for me - - with the actual show, I watched it, I appreciated the humor, and I laughed, and I enjoyed myself immensely. But making one myself -- I got to give back. I got to make others laugh, and make others enjoy themselves. That's one of the most rewarding feelings I've ever encountered. And now, on to Law Revue '07...
Next in the series: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel
I still watched. It was the coolest thing I'd ever seen. A show like that can make fun of anything, tell any story it wants. Sometimes it was cutting edge, and sometimes it was terrible. But when there's a good sketch, a really good, sharp sketch, that will stay with you for years. And then get made into a terrible, terrible movie. Or, it could spawn the Blues Brothers, still one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. Or the Blues Brothers 2000. Let's not go there.
Anyway, about 1996, the show hit another high period, with the additions of Will Ferrell, Darrell Hammond, and Molly Shannon (although, personally I found all of her popular recurring characters painfully annoying). Suddenly the show was cool again, and there were so many sketches I enjoyed. I had a friend named Adam who felt the same way, and each day at school we'd be doing our favorite impressions, spouting off lines about Bill Brasky, and inadvertently slipping into Harry Caray voices and shaking our heads in attacks of Parkinson's disease.
Then one day I had a English project where one option was to make a video related thematically to a book we read. A couple other friends who were in that class also enjoyed SNL, and we came up with an idea to do a video like an SNL sketch with Harry Caray. I got to play Harry. Now, looking back, my impression was terrible in that sketch. But the whole class loved it. That video got shown to other classes, and I had people all over telling me how funny it was. This was huge for me, since I was generally pretty quiet in school, and now people I rarely spoke to and barely knew were telling me how funny they thought the sketch was.
Around this time Adam and I decided we wanted to make some other sketches. The more we talked about it, the more and more we wanted to do. Our other friends were interested, and pretty soon we had a full show's worth of sketches, plus Weekend Update, fake musical guests, the whole nine yards. Eventually we got it organized and started taping. It was AWESOME. We didn't get much accomplished at first because we kept making ourselves laugh, and we could never complete the sketches. Still, it was one of the most exhilarating things I've ever done.
Suddenly I wasn't just some teenage kid from rural Wisconsin; I WAS Bill Clinton. I WAS Sean Connery. I WAS a Brasky guy, a Roxbury guy, and the host of Weekend Update. I WAS Vanilla Ice, and Ross Perot, and Matt Foley, motivational speaker. I got to be a Blues Brother - - I got to dance and lip synch to "Sweet Home Chicago." Beyond that, I was a writer, and a producer, and an actor. And soon I was known throughout the school for more than just the guy that was going to be president someday.
Of course, reality set in eventually, and we didn't have so much free time anymore. People got jobs, people got busy. It took us all four years of high school to put together a final tape. And then we hit it big. First, we had made a debate between Bush and Gore, where I got to play Gore, and take on a ludicrous Tennessee accent. That got played for our World Affairs and Senior Social Studies classes, until our teacher started figuring out some of the sexual innuendoes. (eg Cheney made a cameo to inform everyone that there's no better combination than "Dick" and "Bush.") Shortly afterward, the full tape got out. By then we were in our last semester, and classes didn't matter much. So any class that had a cast member in it with some down time decided to pop in the tape.
By then, the actual show had gown downhill again, and I didn't really watch anymore, but it didn't matter. It created a monster. In my second year of undergrad, a bunch of us got together again over vacation, and decided to pop the tape in for old time's sake. Someone suggested afterward that we make more shows. That's all it took for me. I was banging out script after script for the next couple of months. And there was that feeling again - - I WAS Sean Connery and Harry Caray and Chris Matthews and Donald Rumsfeld and Christopher Walken (!!) all over again.
On top of the new show, I wrote a script for a Matrix parody. I got to be friggin' Neo. We staged fight scenes. We had fake stunts. We had Uzi's. We had futuristic techno. We had trench coats and Agents and a sweet-ass "your mom" joke. The thing turned out to be 14 minutes long, and we used it as a fake movie preview. Hella tight.
I had to push that show through by sheer will, because by that time we were even more scattered, and even more involved with other projects (ie "real life"). But eventually we finished, and it was, in my opinion, even better than the first. And once again, we had an incredibly good time making it.
Hence my love for Law Revue. It gives me a chance to express some creativity, live vicariously through characters, talk about "alleged vaginas," and, as in MZRM, say some incredibly sexist, racist, and straight-up bad-assist things in front of a large crowd of, well, douchebags. And I get to be Cliff Thompson. How sweet is that?
So here's to you, SNL. The show that carried me through my formative years, and made me love television so much I wanted to make my own. That was the big thing for me - - with the actual show, I watched it, I appreciated the humor, and I laughed, and I enjoyed myself immensely. But making one myself -- I got to give back. I got to make others laugh, and make others enjoy themselves. That's one of the most rewarding feelings I've ever encountered. And now, on to Law Revue '07...
Next in the series: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Stay Tuned
So I'm a complete television junkie. I get hooked on a show, I watch it religiously. I buy the DVD sets, and watch it again. Then I find another show, and repeat the process. I always used to have a few shows on that I watched constantly; now I have 6. Two are new, replacing two that just ended last season. Television has become such an inexorable part of my life that I mark my calendar (theoretically, since I'm not organized enough to have a real calendar) by what TV show is on each day, and by what DVD set is coming out each week. I've gotten so into it at times that I've even read virtual TV shows, and spent a large portion of time writing a virtual series of my own, as well as writing, producing, and acting in an amateur TV show in high school and undergrad. As I've said before, if I had the chance to ditch law completely and write for a tv show, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I love it that much.
Possibly even more than movies, and anyone that knows me knows I love movies. So why TV? Because it allows for so much more development. Compare a 2 hour movie to a standard 22 episode season, with each episode around 45 minutes long -- somewhere in the neighborhood of 17 hours. You can really connect with a character a lot more in television than movies, because you get so much more time watching them, in so many different situations. Plus, a good series can change the tone of every episode. Each individual episode can emphasize drama, action, or comedy. And each can still advance a long-term story arc. They're like the chapters of a book -- each one is meaningful in its own right, yet each is a building block which leads to the final payoff, the big conclusion - - the reason why the writer created this book or season in the first place. Each season has the same importance to the series as a whole, just like each book.
Of course, TV has its downsides too - the incredibly long time commitment it takes to watch, and it takes longer to get the payoff moments. Individual episodes can vary dramatically in quality. And, of course, you've got commercials. Pain in the ass.
However, the bottom line for me is that with a good television show, a well-written one with excitement and humor and well-drawn characters and deep storylines, you get to spend a lot more time in a fictional universe that you really enjoy. It's like a really good book or movie that never ends; you can pick it up and keep going and keep going.
The point of all this? I pretty much want to write about TV. So over the next week or so, this blog is going to be dedicated to my television addiction, and present a rundown of all the shows I've watched, all the ones I watch now, and why. So there.
Possibly even more than movies, and anyone that knows me knows I love movies. So why TV? Because it allows for so much more development. Compare a 2 hour movie to a standard 22 episode season, with each episode around 45 minutes long -- somewhere in the neighborhood of 17 hours. You can really connect with a character a lot more in television than movies, because you get so much more time watching them, in so many different situations. Plus, a good series can change the tone of every episode. Each individual episode can emphasize drama, action, or comedy. And each can still advance a long-term story arc. They're like the chapters of a book -- each one is meaningful in its own right, yet each is a building block which leads to the final payoff, the big conclusion - - the reason why the writer created this book or season in the first place. Each season has the same importance to the series as a whole, just like each book.
Of course, TV has its downsides too - the incredibly long time commitment it takes to watch, and it takes longer to get the payoff moments. Individual episodes can vary dramatically in quality. And, of course, you've got commercials. Pain in the ass.
However, the bottom line for me is that with a good television show, a well-written one with excitement and humor and well-drawn characters and deep storylines, you get to spend a lot more time in a fictional universe that you really enjoy. It's like a really good book or movie that never ends; you can pick it up and keep going and keep going.
The point of all this? I pretty much want to write about TV. So over the next week or so, this blog is going to be dedicated to my television addiction, and present a rundown of all the shows I've watched, all the ones I watch now, and why. So there.
Monday, October 23, 2006
The Greatest Collection of Crap in All the Land
As an extended part of Kristin's birthday celebration, we went to the House on the Rock on Saturday. Whether you have been there before or not, it is definitely worth seeing. The house is pretty pimptastic, what with all the surfaces (and even some rocks) carpeted. It has an Infinity Room, basically just a giant phallic room that extends outward over a forest. There's a little glass area where you can look down and see how far you are about the trees. Unnerving for some, but old hat for those of us who worked tactical skydiving missions in 'Nam. Still cool though. Especially when you realize there is nothing holding it up at the end, and it shakes pretty badly, and you could die at any moment.
But then you get to the crap collections. Now, these are still pretty sweet, at least judging purely on volume. But then shit gets creepy. For instance, dollhouses. I had been there a couple times before, and I had looked at all this stuff, but I never really took in the fact that the guy has roughly 3.8 billion dollhouses in his collection. KHays pointed this out for me, which I hadn't really considered - - the guy who assembled all of this must have been bat-shit crazy. It's like "Hey, look at all these dollhouses." Then you turn a corner, and you've got another hallway of dollhouses. Then, another corner, another hallway filled with dollhouses. Pretty soon you start to think the dollhouses will end, but you move into another theme-crap collection, and hey look - - it's another dollhouse, just randomly placed. Sure enough, we make it through to the final room, and at the very end, there's a frickin dollhouse apparently floating in mid-air.
I don't want you to get the wrong impression - it's not just dollhouses. Specifically, the guy has roughly the same amount of wooden horses. We're walking through a vast room filled with actual dolls, and look at the walls -- wooden horses lined up one on top of another, twenty rows high, fifty rows deep. Walk along the walk way, turn around, look at another wall, and you see the exact same thing. Then you enter a room with a giant carousel. Turn around, horses everywhere. Holy balls are there wooden horses.
Okay, so these are collectible items. Maybe it's wierd, but maybe the guy is just obsessive compulsive about getting every dollhouse and wooden horse in existence. He's got collections of absolutely ricockulous crap that no one in their right mind would ever build, much less collect. There's one room filled with gigantic mechanical crap; a walkway winds around and winds around, and you start to take in the sheer magnitude of what's there. These are not collectors items. It's not like you buy yourself a 25 foot tall windchime, and then another, and they just start piling up. There's a cannon in there which would fire a cannonball roughly the size of a hot air balloon. Okay, so in battle, that would be sweet. I can't imagine it was ever functional. Then you've got a hundred-foot tall mechanical gear contraption which, apparently, is used to run a small clock. Then, more flippin' dollhouses.
Again, the place is incredible. There's a gigantic whale, a collection of armor, guns, swords, reproduced crowns, old elixirs, tapeworms in jars, the biggest carousel ever, and an ice cream shop. Absolutely worth seeing if you've got 3-4 hours free one afternoon. But still...god damn...
But then you get to the crap collections. Now, these are still pretty sweet, at least judging purely on volume. But then shit gets creepy. For instance, dollhouses. I had been there a couple times before, and I had looked at all this stuff, but I never really took in the fact that the guy has roughly 3.8 billion dollhouses in his collection. KHays pointed this out for me, which I hadn't really considered - - the guy who assembled all of this must have been bat-shit crazy. It's like "Hey, look at all these dollhouses." Then you turn a corner, and you've got another hallway of dollhouses. Then, another corner, another hallway filled with dollhouses. Pretty soon you start to think the dollhouses will end, but you move into another theme-crap collection, and hey look - - it's another dollhouse, just randomly placed. Sure enough, we make it through to the final room, and at the very end, there's a frickin dollhouse apparently floating in mid-air.
I don't want you to get the wrong impression - it's not just dollhouses. Specifically, the guy has roughly the same amount of wooden horses. We're walking through a vast room filled with actual dolls, and look at the walls -- wooden horses lined up one on top of another, twenty rows high, fifty rows deep. Walk along the walk way, turn around, look at another wall, and you see the exact same thing. Then you enter a room with a giant carousel. Turn around, horses everywhere. Holy balls are there wooden horses.
Okay, so these are collectible items. Maybe it's wierd, but maybe the guy is just obsessive compulsive about getting every dollhouse and wooden horse in existence. He's got collections of absolutely ricockulous crap that no one in their right mind would ever build, much less collect. There's one room filled with gigantic mechanical crap; a walkway winds around and winds around, and you start to take in the sheer magnitude of what's there. These are not collectors items. It's not like you buy yourself a 25 foot tall windchime, and then another, and they just start piling up. There's a cannon in there which would fire a cannonball roughly the size of a hot air balloon. Okay, so in battle, that would be sweet. I can't imagine it was ever functional. Then you've got a hundred-foot tall mechanical gear contraption which, apparently, is used to run a small clock. Then, more flippin' dollhouses.
Again, the place is incredible. There's a gigantic whale, a collection of armor, guns, swords, reproduced crowns, old elixirs, tapeworms in jars, the biggest carousel ever, and an ice cream shop. Absolutely worth seeing if you've got 3-4 hours free one afternoon. But still...god damn...
Friday, October 20, 2006
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Onward and Upward?
Let's take a moment to marvel at the breathtakingly progressive changes happening here at the UW. First we had our ultra-efficient new transcript system, which proved to be neither 1) efficient, 2) beneficial, or 3) functional. Now the U-dub sends me an email saying I need to change my NetID password, because the old passwords are not secure. So I change it. The result? I can no longer access my email.
So at this rate, next week we should be switching from our apparently steam tunnel related heating system to a cutting-edge solar panel energy system, just in time for winter. This way we no longer have to suffer through those 50* temps, and can look forward to each classroom being set at a balmy 18*.
So at this rate, next week we should be switching from our apparently steam tunnel related heating system to a cutting-edge solar panel energy system, just in time for winter. This way we no longer have to suffer through those 50* temps, and can look forward to each classroom being set at a balmy 18*.
Monday, October 16, 2006
One More Year
Thanks to everyone who came along to Devil's Lake to celebrate my birthday yesterday, and those who would have been there if not for an avalanche of work. I had a great time, and I hope you all did too.
Turning 24 is not the biggest deal in itself, except that it means I am one year away from being able to run for Congress. One year away from storming Washington, advocating a bold policy of concealed-machete laws, a movement toward developing giant lasers in space that can shoot hippies from light-years away, and a dramatic increase in hovercraft production.
All of which puts me only two years away from resigning in disgrace, retiring to a hut somewhere in the mountains, where I can be that bat-shit crazy old coot who used to be somebody important, and now just shoots at people who get too close to his possum traps.
Oh, the achingly sluggish passage of time.
Turning 24 is not the biggest deal in itself, except that it means I am one year away from being able to run for Congress. One year away from storming Washington, advocating a bold policy of concealed-machete laws, a movement toward developing giant lasers in space that can shoot hippies from light-years away, and a dramatic increase in hovercraft production.
All of which puts me only two years away from resigning in disgrace, retiring to a hut somewhere in the mountains, where I can be that bat-shit crazy old coot who used to be somebody important, and now just shoots at people who get too close to his possum traps.
Oh, the achingly sluggish passage of time.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
How Morally Turpitudinous Are You?
I decided to stick around for Criminal Litigation today, and truthfully, I’m glad I did. That’s because in discussing immigration, we got a crash course on what offenses constitute moral turpitude. Why? This is the standard used in evaluating whether immigrants should be convicted for committing crimes. I have to say, I was a bit surprised by what the courts say involves moral turpitude and what does not. Thus the inspiration for a new challenge - -
How Morally Turpitudinous Are You?
Are you a deviant, incorrigible person with loose morals? Are you a rebel who will never be any good? Do you think you have what it takes to be morally turpitudinous?
Put yourself to the challenge. The following is a list of laws. Some of these laws involve moral turpitude, while others are just posers, according to American courts. Look over this list, decide which of these you have broken recently, and decide which you think are morally turp'd out. Then find out whether you are indeed morally turpitudinous, or just wish you were.
1. Aggravated Stalking
2. Loan-sharking
3. Bastardy
4. Possession of Stolen Bus Transports
5. Intent to Ravish
6. Fornication
7. Possession of a Sawed-Off Shotgun
8. Possession of Burglary Tools
9. Obtaining a Pell Grant by Fraud
10. Lewdness
11. Malicious Mischief
12. Smuggling Aliens
13. Altering a False Document
14. Homicide by Reckless Conduct
15. Purchase of Food Stamps for Cash
16. Mayhem
17. Failure to Support Wife and Child
18. Loitering in a Public Place to Solicit Men
19. Atrocious Assault and Battery
20. Vagrancy
Answers:
1. Aggravated Stalking - Turpitudinous! - This means stop checking your ex-boyfriend's emails, bitches.
2. Loan-sharking - Non-turpitudinous! - I think anything involving sharks out to be at least a little turpish, but I'll defer to the courts.
3. Bastardy - Non-turpitudinous! - Again, I question the wisdom on this. I think being a bastard is pretty damn turpitudinous. But all you bastards out there, keep it up - you're legally in the clear.
4. Possession of Stolen Bus Transports - Turpitudinous! - That's right - put those stolen bus transports down, you derelicts, lest we kick your ass back to Australia.
5. Intent to Ravish - Turpitudinous! - Yeah, this is unfortunate. I like to ravish just as much as the next red-blooded American, but courts frown upon this. Oh well.
6. Fornication - Non-turpitudinous! - Well, at least down and dirty doin' it is okay. Just don't do it with too much enthusiasm, because you're in ravishing territory, buster.
7. Possession of a Sawed-Off Shotgun - Non-turpitudinous! - Hell yeah! 2nd Amendment lives on, even for dirty, dirty immigrants.
8. Possession of Burglary Tools - Non-turpitudinous! -That's a relief. My breaking and entering days are still well ahead of me.
9. Obtaining a Pell Grant by Fraud - Turpitudinous! - The moral here - you take our money, we boot your ass. I can't agree more.
10. Lewdness - Turpitudinous! - Good. Fratney's getting booted. Hopefully she won't enjoy it.
11. Malicious Mischief - Non-turpitudinous! - Another relief here. I love to get my mischief on, and I rarely mess with people I don't hate.
12. Smuggling Aliens - Non-turpitudinous! - So if you see anything with a giant green head, ten or more appendages, and a laser gun, you have full authorization to stuff that sucker in the trunk and go joy riding.
13. Altering a False Document - Turpitudinous! - Even though the document is already incorrect, you better not mess with it.
14. Homicide by Reckless Conduct - Non-turpitudinous! - Well I'll be damned. Smash someone to the death with a vehicle, sure, but you better not steal anybody's bus transports, or you're gone.
15. Purchase of Food Stamps for Cash - Turpitudinous! - Food stamps are for queers.
16. Mayhem - Turpitudinous! - Unfortunate. I love mayhem.
17. Failure to Support Wife and Child - Non-turpitudinous! - That's a big "fuck you" to all my baby's mommas, and all my babies still waiting for those checks. Keep checking that mail box, suckers!!
18. Loitering in a Public Place to Solicit Men - Turpitudinous! - That's right, Andy. The INS is onto you.
19. Atrocious Assault and Battery - Turpitudinous! - Hmm...I'm wondering what the word "atrocious" applies to. The character of the act, or the quality of the act. Like if you're beating someone up, but you're barely making an impact, I'd consider that atrocious.
20. Vagrancy - Non-turpitudinous! - This is flat out outrageous. Bunch of damn hippie-ass justices on this one, apparently. Oh well.
So there you have it. And now, to interpret your results:
Personal Turpitude
0-4 laws violated - Ain't got no turp in you, dog
5-10 laws violated - Wannabe
11-15 laws violated - On your way to a nice career in turpitudity
16-18 laws violated - You've got serious turpitude skizzies
19-20 laws violated - Turp'd to the fullest
Knowledge of Turpitude
0-4 correct - You don't know nothin' but no turp'n
5-10 correct - Only vaguely familiar with the art of turp
11-15 correct - You've seen some turpitude in your day
16-18 correct - You know your turpitudiousityism
19-20 correct - You wrote the book on turpitude, yo
!!
How Morally Turpitudinous Are You?
Are you a deviant, incorrigible person with loose morals? Are you a rebel who will never be any good? Do you think you have what it takes to be morally turpitudinous?
Put yourself to the challenge. The following is a list of laws. Some of these laws involve moral turpitude, while others are just posers, according to American courts. Look over this list, decide which of these you have broken recently, and decide which you think are morally turp'd out. Then find out whether you are indeed morally turpitudinous, or just wish you were.
1. Aggravated Stalking
2. Loan-sharking
3. Bastardy
4. Possession of Stolen Bus Transports
5. Intent to Ravish
6. Fornication
7. Possession of a Sawed-Off Shotgun
8. Possession of Burglary Tools
9. Obtaining a Pell Grant by Fraud
10. Lewdness
11. Malicious Mischief
12. Smuggling Aliens
13. Altering a False Document
14. Homicide by Reckless Conduct
15. Purchase of Food Stamps for Cash
16. Mayhem
17. Failure to Support Wife and Child
18. Loitering in a Public Place to Solicit Men
19. Atrocious Assault and Battery
20. Vagrancy
Answers:
1. Aggravated Stalking - Turpitudinous! - This means stop checking your ex-boyfriend's emails, bitches.
2. Loan-sharking - Non-turpitudinous! - I think anything involving sharks out to be at least a little turpish, but I'll defer to the courts.
3. Bastardy - Non-turpitudinous! - Again, I question the wisdom on this. I think being a bastard is pretty damn turpitudinous. But all you bastards out there, keep it up - you're legally in the clear.
4. Possession of Stolen Bus Transports - Turpitudinous! - That's right - put those stolen bus transports down, you derelicts, lest we kick your ass back to Australia.
5. Intent to Ravish - Turpitudinous! - Yeah, this is unfortunate. I like to ravish just as much as the next red-blooded American, but courts frown upon this. Oh well.
6. Fornication - Non-turpitudinous! - Well, at least down and dirty doin' it is okay. Just don't do it with too much enthusiasm, because you're in ravishing territory, buster.
7. Possession of a Sawed-Off Shotgun - Non-turpitudinous! - Hell yeah! 2nd Amendment lives on, even for dirty, dirty immigrants.
8. Possession of Burglary Tools - Non-turpitudinous! -That's a relief. My breaking and entering days are still well ahead of me.
9. Obtaining a Pell Grant by Fraud - Turpitudinous! - The moral here - you take our money, we boot your ass. I can't agree more.
10. Lewdness - Turpitudinous! - Good. Fratney's getting booted. Hopefully she won't enjoy it.
11. Malicious Mischief - Non-turpitudinous! - Another relief here. I love to get my mischief on, and I rarely mess with people I don't hate.
12. Smuggling Aliens - Non-turpitudinous! - So if you see anything with a giant green head, ten or more appendages, and a laser gun, you have full authorization to stuff that sucker in the trunk and go joy riding.
13. Altering a False Document - Turpitudinous! - Even though the document is already incorrect, you better not mess with it.
14. Homicide by Reckless Conduct - Non-turpitudinous! - Well I'll be damned. Smash someone to the death with a vehicle, sure, but you better not steal anybody's bus transports, or you're gone.
15. Purchase of Food Stamps for Cash - Turpitudinous! - Food stamps are for queers.
16. Mayhem - Turpitudinous! - Unfortunate. I love mayhem.
17. Failure to Support Wife and Child - Non-turpitudinous! - That's a big "fuck you" to all my baby's mommas, and all my babies still waiting for those checks. Keep checking that mail box, suckers!!
18. Loitering in a Public Place to Solicit Men - Turpitudinous! - That's right, Andy. The INS is onto you.
19. Atrocious Assault and Battery - Turpitudinous! - Hmm...I'm wondering what the word "atrocious" applies to. The character of the act, or the quality of the act. Like if you're beating someone up, but you're barely making an impact, I'd consider that atrocious.
20. Vagrancy - Non-turpitudinous! - This is flat out outrageous. Bunch of damn hippie-ass justices on this one, apparently. Oh well.
So there you have it. And now, to interpret your results:
Personal Turpitude
0-4 laws violated - Ain't got no turp in you, dog
5-10 laws violated - Wannabe
11-15 laws violated - On your way to a nice career in turpitudity
16-18 laws violated - You've got serious turpitude skizzies
19-20 laws violated - Turp'd to the fullest
Knowledge of Turpitude
0-4 correct - You don't know nothin' but no turp'n
5-10 correct - Only vaguely familiar with the art of turp
11-15 correct - You've seen some turpitude in your day
16-18 correct - You know your turpitudiousityism
19-20 correct - You wrote the book on turpitude, yo
!!
Resolved: More Skipping Class
Sitting in my Ethical Issues in Prosecution class right now. Today we've got a speaker. Some guy talking about ethics and integrity, how the rule of law is our religion in America, and some shit. Next I've got my Criminal Litigation class, where (for some ungodly reason) we've got two people coming in to talk about immigration issues. Nothing in the class description mentioned we'd be dealing with this. We don't have any assignments; just some hypothetical to read and be able to discuss. If I ever face an immigration issue in practice, there's just one line I need to know - "They tuk er jaabs!" Is class attendance graded? Hell if I know. Think I might just immigrate my ass back to my apartment and watch television, make up stories involving decapitating zombies, do something productive.
Oh look, dude's got some diagrams on the board. It's a circle formed by two curved lines representing me and my profession. They go round and round. What's it mean, buddy? I affect my job, my job affects me. Right. Pardon me while I pack up my shit and leave the room.
Fact is, I've only skipped one class this fall. I missed another one, but that time I had a legitimate class-related excuse. Clearly, I've been lax in my skipping duties. I hate falling so far behind this early in the semester.
Fuck it. Ho Chunk.
Oh look, dude's got some diagrams on the board. It's a circle formed by two curved lines representing me and my profession. They go round and round. What's it mean, buddy? I affect my job, my job affects me. Right. Pardon me while I pack up my shit and leave the room.
Fact is, I've only skipped one class this fall. I missed another one, but that time I had a legitimate class-related excuse. Clearly, I've been lax in my skipping duties. I hate falling so far behind this early in the semester.
Fuck it. Ho Chunk.
Monday, October 09, 2006
A Bunch of Tree-Hugging Hippie Crap
After working in a prosecutor's office this summer and getting a hands-on experience in criminal law, I decided that this was the field I absolutely wanted to practice in. I found that I really enjoyed the work - - I liked working with people, whether prosecutors, defense attornies, defendants, or judges. I liked the issues I was dealing with - - basic legal issues on regulating behavior. And sure, I liked sitting in court looking fly all day.
But then I come back to school for another year before I can go out and practice. Before this year I was taking mostly general law classes, and now I'm pretty much in all criminal classes. Now that I know what I'm going to do and I'm taking classes relevant to my field, I tend to enjoy classes more now. At first, this all seemed a little surprising, becase after I had the basic criminal classes my 1L year, I had no interest in criminal practice.
After five weeks of classes, I remember exactly why that is - - Hippies. Hippies love criminals. Hippies hate police, and assume that all police actions are unjust and motivated by some sort of bias. (This is understandable, of course, because hippies don't want their pot stash confiscated.) Hippies don't think police should even be able to approach people and ask basic questions without a warrant. Hippies like to discuss their feelings. Hippies believe every contact with the law should be subjective, based upon what they feel the law should be. Hippies think the best punishment for criminals is to place them in 15 minute time-outs in well-lit corners where they can sit and weave hemp baskets, and when they've finished their sentence, they all get lollipops to atone for our cruel but necessary corrective measures.
So here we are, five weeks into the new semester, and the hippies are out in full force. Particularly in my 4th, 5th, and 6th Amendment class. The 4th amendment protections against unreasonable searches and seizures doesn't apply unless the officer has technically stopped the person. Right now we've got an objective standard for what constitutes a stop, but the hippies think it should be subjective. They think it should depend on each person's experiences with the police, and if they personally felt like they were stopped. So really, the law should vary based on how each person feels about it. Fuckin' gag me.
Today we talked about pretextual stops, and whether the officer's motivation should matter. Courts say it generally doesn't, and therefore it is very difficult to challenge a cop's motives. So for example, if a cop suspects someone's a drug dealer and sees them break some minor law, they can make a valid stop of this person based on that minor violation, and investigate them further to find out if the guy's a drug dealer.
Okay, so this is a question worth debating. Personally, I think there are plenty of times where pretextual stops are perfectly valid, but I acknowledge that they can also be subject to abuse where officers are just going after minorities. So there are arguments on the other side. But rather than reasonable arguments against an officer abusing discretion, we get a discussion about people being "inside the circle of oppression," and analogies to Nazi Germany. (My personal favorite -- some bullshit about "systematic systems.") We get people who think we should always be able to challenge an officer's motivation, regardless of the thousands of groundless suits that would be brought, because no one is actually guilty of anything - - the cop always stops us for some other unjust reason.
Oh yeah, and cops shouldn't be able to choose certain areas of a city and step up their enforcement in those areas if the area is populated predominantly by minorities. Even if those areas are statistically the high-crime areas. Why? Because the minority residents of the area don't like having to deal with cops, and they shouldn't be subject to police harassment. Forget about the people who live there who are too afraid to step outside for fear of getting shot. Forget the fact that the police could actually make these districts safer, or, at the very least, make the people feel safer simply from their presence.
Let's just cut to the bottom line then -- cops shouldn't be allowed to even look at a black person. Unless they get robbed by a white person and want to file a complaint.
At least there are a few reasonable people in there this time. My 1L Crim Pro class with Prosser was a full-on-flower-power-free-love-"give-crime-a-chance" fest. Even the fucking exam was a three hour opinion poll about our feelings. I could swear the exam was printed on hemp paper.
Two things that give me hope:
1) Most of these people will never practice criminal law.
2) In practice, the criminal justice system doesn't give a good goddamn about anyone's feelings.
But then I come back to school for another year before I can go out and practice. Before this year I was taking mostly general law classes, and now I'm pretty much in all criminal classes. Now that I know what I'm going to do and I'm taking classes relevant to my field, I tend to enjoy classes more now. At first, this all seemed a little surprising, becase after I had the basic criminal classes my 1L year, I had no interest in criminal practice.
After five weeks of classes, I remember exactly why that is - - Hippies. Hippies love criminals. Hippies hate police, and assume that all police actions are unjust and motivated by some sort of bias. (This is understandable, of course, because hippies don't want their pot stash confiscated.) Hippies don't think police should even be able to approach people and ask basic questions without a warrant. Hippies like to discuss their feelings. Hippies believe every contact with the law should be subjective, based upon what they feel the law should be. Hippies think the best punishment for criminals is to place them in 15 minute time-outs in well-lit corners where they can sit and weave hemp baskets, and when they've finished their sentence, they all get lollipops to atone for our cruel but necessary corrective measures.
So here we are, five weeks into the new semester, and the hippies are out in full force. Particularly in my 4th, 5th, and 6th Amendment class. The 4th amendment protections against unreasonable searches and seizures doesn't apply unless the officer has technically stopped the person. Right now we've got an objective standard for what constitutes a stop, but the hippies think it should be subjective. They think it should depend on each person's experiences with the police, and if they personally felt like they were stopped. So really, the law should vary based on how each person feels about it. Fuckin' gag me.
Today we talked about pretextual stops, and whether the officer's motivation should matter. Courts say it generally doesn't, and therefore it is very difficult to challenge a cop's motives. So for example, if a cop suspects someone's a drug dealer and sees them break some minor law, they can make a valid stop of this person based on that minor violation, and investigate them further to find out if the guy's a drug dealer.
Okay, so this is a question worth debating. Personally, I think there are plenty of times where pretextual stops are perfectly valid, but I acknowledge that they can also be subject to abuse where officers are just going after minorities. So there are arguments on the other side. But rather than reasonable arguments against an officer abusing discretion, we get a discussion about people being "inside the circle of oppression," and analogies to Nazi Germany. (My personal favorite -- some bullshit about "systematic systems.") We get people who think we should always be able to challenge an officer's motivation, regardless of the thousands of groundless suits that would be brought, because no one is actually guilty of anything - - the cop always stops us for some other unjust reason.
Oh yeah, and cops shouldn't be able to choose certain areas of a city and step up their enforcement in those areas if the area is populated predominantly by minorities. Even if those areas are statistically the high-crime areas. Why? Because the minority residents of the area don't like having to deal with cops, and they shouldn't be subject to police harassment. Forget about the people who live there who are too afraid to step outside for fear of getting shot. Forget the fact that the police could actually make these districts safer, or, at the very least, make the people feel safer simply from their presence.
Let's just cut to the bottom line then -- cops shouldn't be allowed to even look at a black person. Unless they get robbed by a white person and want to file a complaint.
At least there are a few reasonable people in there this time. My 1L Crim Pro class with Prosser was a full-on-flower-power-free-love-"give-crime-a-chance" fest. Even the fucking exam was a three hour opinion poll about our feelings. I could swear the exam was printed on hemp paper.
Two things that give me hope:
1) Most of these people will never practice criminal law.
2) In practice, the criminal justice system doesn't give a good goddamn about anyone's feelings.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Diminished Faculties
Mr. Utah's post about the suggested measures to combat the recent school shootings reminded me of a breathtakingly asinine idea I saw on the news last night, reportedly being contemplated by the Wisconsin legislators - giving teachers guns in the classroom. Now, while this approach worked wonders in the movie The Substitute and its 13 sequels, I can't think of a much stupider way to deal with the weapons influx in schools than arming our teachers. Isn't that like saying "Well, we can't stop the guns from getting in there, so we might as well allow the teachers to shoot back." Sure, let's just concede the fact that guns will be a standard school supply now. All students reporting to sixth grade or higher are required to bring a binder, wide-ruled looseleaf paper, number 2 pencils, and, at minimum, either a glock or a 9mm. Those reporting to 9th grade or higher will also be required to bring a T-89 graphic calculator and a scope; T-92's and silencers will not be allowed until one has attained junior status.
Maybe I'm wrong; maybe giving teachers guns would help them keep order in the classroom. Shit, I might think twice about shooting a spitball at a teacher who has a hair trigger on an AK-47. But then we might be heading a bit too far in the other direction. Pretty soon Mr. Spanish Teacher is engaging the class in discussion, and he stops at the desk of little Timmy. "Timmy, I want you to go up to the board and conjugate that verb." But Timmy doesn't want to. "Timmy, you have two options. Conjugate the verb, or deal with a sawed-off blast to the face. Your call." But Timmy's a rebel, and he shakes his head, and pulls out his beretta. But Mr. Spanish Teacher ain't playin'. He gets a nutty look in his eye, whips out his mack ten, and says "Who you tryin' to get crazy with, ese? Don't you know I'm loco??"
You just can't beat reactionary legislation.
Maybe I'm wrong; maybe giving teachers guns would help them keep order in the classroom. Shit, I might think twice about shooting a spitball at a teacher who has a hair trigger on an AK-47. But then we might be heading a bit too far in the other direction. Pretty soon Mr. Spanish Teacher is engaging the class in discussion, and he stops at the desk of little Timmy. "Timmy, I want you to go up to the board and conjugate that verb." But Timmy doesn't want to. "Timmy, you have two options. Conjugate the verb, or deal with a sawed-off blast to the face. Your call." But Timmy's a rebel, and he shakes his head, and pulls out his beretta. But Mr. Spanish Teacher ain't playin'. He gets a nutty look in his eye, whips out his mack ten, and says "Who you tryin' to get crazy with, ese? Don't you know I'm loco??"
You just can't beat reactionary legislation.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
My Bad
As I was driving back to my apartment today, I saw a guy on the corner of Broom and Gorham carrying a bicycle tire over his head. I also noticed that he had his collar flipped up - a white and black collar, sticking way up over the back of his neck.
As soon as the thought "What a friggin' douchebag" entered my mind, I drove past him and noticed that what I thought was a shirt collar was, in reality, a massive neck brace.
Huh. Sorry about that.
As soon as the thought "What a friggin' douchebag" entered my mind, I drove past him and noticed that what I thought was a shirt collar was, in reality, a massive neck brace.
Huh. Sorry about that.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Screw You, Gravity
Those of you who spot me lurking around the law building over the next couple days might notice a large bandage on my right arm. In case you were wondering, yes, I was bitten by a mastodon. But you can save your sympathy; as retaliation, I punched a hole through the time-space continuum, went back in time, and exterminated his entire race. So if you've been noticing a distinct lack of mastodons in the wild lately (say, the past 10,000 years or so), now you know why.
That's the official story behind my new war wound, anyway. If you really want to know what happened, I was stomping up the stairs in a rather Godzilla-esque fashion when my sandal caught on the edge of the step. In a rare display of less than ninja-like grace, I pitched forward and slammed against the hand rail. As I tumbled forward onto the platform, the railing scraped against my arm and shredded part of the skin. After crashing to the ground, I immediately sprung up into attack position in case there were any bystanders who needed "silencing;" luckily for all involved, there were none. I then proceeded to Police class, where I cried softly for an hour and a half. Those tears fell to the table, where they coalesced to form a liquid cyborg, who promptly returned to the stairwell and savagely smashed the stairwell to pieces. (I would have done this myself, but attendance was required.)
Or so the legned goes. I may have just gone to the library, washed off the wound, and grabbed me a big-ass band-aid. I guess no one will ever know for sure.
That's the official story behind my new war wound, anyway. If you really want to know what happened, I was stomping up the stairs in a rather Godzilla-esque fashion when my sandal caught on the edge of the step. In a rare display of less than ninja-like grace, I pitched forward and slammed against the hand rail. As I tumbled forward onto the platform, the railing scraped against my arm and shredded part of the skin. After crashing to the ground, I immediately sprung up into attack position in case there were any bystanders who needed "silencing;" luckily for all involved, there were none. I then proceeded to Police class, where I cried softly for an hour and a half. Those tears fell to the table, where they coalesced to form a liquid cyborg, who promptly returned to the stairwell and savagely smashed the stairwell to pieces. (I would have done this myself, but attendance was required.)
Or so the legned goes. I may have just gone to the library, washed off the wound, and grabbed me a big-ass band-aid. I guess no one will ever know for sure.
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