Justice

My first initial appearance on behalf of the Winnebago District Attorney's office will go something like this:

Cole Ruby on behalf of the State, your honor. Mr. X has been charged with hunting animals from an aircraft, in violation of Wisconsin Statute Section 114.10. In light of the seriousness of the offense, the fact that he has access to air transportation, and the fact that he will doubtlessly be armed while flying, the State requests a $3.5 billion signature bond, and that he be released only on the conditions that he dresses up like the Quaker Oats guy in public, carries a large boombox on his shoulder which plays only “Nookie” by Limp Bizkit, and cannot use any words with the letters T, Q, or I in his speech. If he violates any of these conditions, the State demands that he be placed in an airtight bubble and pushed down a large hill.

God bless the American justice system.