I have recently conducted intensive research into state law, and have created a list of my favorite state laws. Many are no longer in effect, but they were all valid at one point. So here they are, top ten state laws:
10. Oklahoma: Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
9. Massachusetts: Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
8. Iowa: Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes
7. Iowa: You may shoot Native Americans if there are more than five of them on your property at any one time.
6. Kentucky: It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.
5. Tie - Louisiana - You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant.
- Georgia: It's against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
4. Illinois (Zion): It is illegal for anyone to give cats, dogs, or other domesticated animals a lighted cigar.
3. Maryland (Baltimore): It is not legal to take a lion to the movies.
2. Rhode Island: It's a misdemeanor to keep more than 11 inoperable vehicles in front of a house.
1. Alaska: It is illegal to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.
Not surprisingly, most of these involve the regulation of animal activities. Of course, you've got to assume that some jackass took a lion to the movies, tied a giraffe to a telephone pole, or gave a lit cigar to a cat, and some other jackass spotted them and said "Hey, there oughta be a law against that!" You've got to love law in action.
These laws beg some questions - - for instance, is it legal to push a dead moose out of a moving airplane? Is the RI legislature really okay with someone having 11 inoperable vehicles on their yard, but once they put that 12th one out there it's like, "No no, this time you've gone too far." ? Well, one thing's for certain, passing laws like these are exactly why I want to go to Congress. My first act in office - sponsoring a bill which makes it illegal to kick, poke, tease, or otherwise harass any live whale, regardless of whether or not it is lying in your yard. This is an issue Wisconsinites are concerned about, and something they will no longer tolerate.
Remember, a vote for Cole Ruby is a vote against whale pestering.
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Absolutely, dead whales are fair game. My people are a whale-loving people, but I'm a reasonable man. After all, whales can't vote after they're dead. Killing the whales first and then harassing them is technically allowed, though frowned upon.
Narwhals and dolphi cannot be read into the statute, because then we'd have to extend its protections to jellyfish and sea horsi and walruses, and my constituents are no fan of the walrus.
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