Repository of Knowledge

1. Time of starting? Go time
2. Were you named after anyone? Yes, Muhammed Ali
3. Do you wish on stars? No, but I once wished on an ironing board. That was a disaster
4. When did you last cry? I try to start weeping randomly once every hour and a half to keep people on their toes
5. Do you like your handwriting? Well, I wouldn't say that I "like" like my handwriting...but yeah, it's kinda pretty
6. What is your favorite meat? Spam
7. What is your most embarrassing CD on your shelf? I have the collaboration CD between Was (Not Was) and The Bangles, where they did the song "Dinosaurs Walk Like Egyptians." Trust me, it's not as good as it sounds.
8. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Good question. If I was another person, then there would be two of me, and if I ever met myself, I would probably cease to exist. Considering I can't stand most people, myself most likely wouldn't like myself, so I'd be better off avoiding myself to be safe.
9. Are you a daredevil? If you mean by "daredevil" am I blind, do I wear skin-tight red leather, do I jump around the city using my enhanced powers of hearing to fight crime, look like a douchebag, occasionally make movies with Matt Damon and/or Kevin Smith, and have sex with Jennifer Garner? Then yes. Yes I am.
10. Have U ever told a secret you swore not to tell? Yeah...its kind of embarassing, but one time I was in the army and I was flying a helicopter over Danang, shooting down stray roosters with a pellet gun, but I had to stop for an ice cream bar. So I pulled into a Citgo and asked the man at the counter if he knew of any place where they sold surfboards. He told me that the only place in Danang that had surfboards was a little bodega run by a Russian pharmacist named Roger. We agreed to disagree.
11. How do you release anger? Usually through the air vents in the form of a green, toxic gas
12. Where is your second home? I live in the hearts and minds of every man, woman, and child on this earth. ...The evil ones, anyway
13. Do you trust others easily? Depends on what you mean by the word "Do."
14. What was your favorite toy as a child? Your mom.
15. What class in school do you think is totally useless? It's a toss-up between "Civil Procedure" and "Civil Procedure 2: Civ Pro With A Vengeance."
16. Do you use sarcasm a lot? I wouldn't say I "use" sarcasm. Sometimes I fondle it obscenely
17. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? Once. I was trying to find a movie theater in Prague. I accidentally stumbled upon a Dido concert, where a nice young woman with several pigtails pointed to the west. I took the monorail, and needless to say, I ended up in a mosh pit.
18. What do you look for in a guy/girl? Multiple shoulders
19. Would you bungee jump? Bungee jump this (points to genitals)
20. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Nope. When I want my shoes removed, I just bash my feet against the walls until they cry 'uncle.'
21. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Who are you calling a racist?
22. What are your favorite colors? Answer me, fool!
23. What is your least favorite thing? Your face. Burn!
24. How many PPl do U have a crush on right now? No crushes, but I've got one in a pretty decent headlock
25. What do you miss most right now? My ambition.
26. What color is your computer chair? Ooh....you just had to go and bring that up, didn't you? My computer chair ran away from me just last week, and took my floor fan with it. It left a goodbye letter, which said, in no uncertain terms, "Goodbye, and thanks for the floor fan."
27. What are you listening to right now? The police scanners. They haven't found my bags of play-doh yet, but it's only a matter of time.
28. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Obscure Caucasian.
29. What is the weather like right now? Sunny and mild, with a 94% chance of reindeer.
30. Last person you talked to on the phone? Ice Cube
31. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? The middle finger
32. Do you like the person who sent you this? No one sent this to me. In fact, I've never read this survey. I've never read any survey. I can't even read. This conversation never happened.
33. How are you today? Skanky
34. Favorite drink? the blood of the innocent
35. Favorite alcoholic drink? Ronald F. Mexico
36. Natural hair color? If you're asking what I think you're asking, then you should be ashamed of yourself.
37. Eye color? Blue or Green, depending on which crayon I choose each morning
38. Wear contacts? No, but sometimes I smoke them
39. Siblings? Nah, I'm fine, thanks
40. Favorite months? Are there different types of moths? I don't know....probably the big ones with the laser beams
41. Favorite food? That reminds me of the time I went fishing for watermelons with a harpoon gun. The girl at the watermelon store said "Hey, you can't bring that in here!" Needless to say, no one in the watermelon store dares to question me anymore, and I ate me some watermelon that night. Yes indeed.
42. Last movie you watched? Last of the Mohicans 2: More Mohicans.
43. Favorite day of the year? National Take Your Platypus To Work And Watch Him Piss On The Fax Machine Day
44. Have you ever been too shy to ask someone out? Nope. They're always too shy to be asked out by me.
45. Scary movies or happy endings? I think they can coexist. Once I saw a movie where a guy was afraid of stepping on puddles for fear of drowning, so they shot him.
46. Summer or winter? I don't like to play favorites. I love all my seasons equally. (Except winter....I fucking hate winter)
47. Hugs or kisses? That's a little presumptuous.
48. Do you want your friends to write back? I am not a racist!
49. Who is most likely to respond? Corey Feldman's been calling me about once a day for the past several weeks, so I imagine I'll hear from him one way or the other.
50. Who is least likely to respond? The maintenance guy who said he'd fix my garbage disposal then took off without doing a damn thing.
51. What book/magazine are you reading? Puddle Jumping, the novel
52. What's on your mouse pad? A severed head. Just kidding! It's still attached. ....Barely.
53. What did you watch on TV last night? A documentary about the time Thomas Jefferson wore a fake moustache to church
54. Favorite Smell? Your mom
55. Favorite Sound? Id.
56. Do you regret ever breaking up with someone? No, but sometimes I regret mutilating their corpses afterward
57. Favorite actor/actress? Mr and Mrs Roboto
58. Time of finishing? Hammer time