That's Me In The Corner

A friend told me the other night that getting drunk is an incredibly liberating experience, and something I really have to do some time. Maybe she’s right. Maybe I’m missing out. But then again…

So clearly I’m in the minority here, but hear me out. Most of you already know that I have never been drunk before. 23 years old, living in Madison, where people drink ‘til they fall off balconies and die (not making light of it, but it’s true), and attending law school, where every school function has kegs, shots get handed out with journal packets, and a meeting of six people for Law Revue is accompanied by 54 cans of beer. And though I may drink in moderation occasionally, I cling tightly to my sobriety. Why? Well, that’s were it gets complicated.

Let me start by saying I’m not looking at this as a right or wrong issue. I’m all for people drinking, because it adds excitement and entertainment to every evening. It’s a collegial thing; everyone can do it, everyone has a good time. When people drink with gusto, we never know how the night will turn out, and I love that. Still, I don’t partake in the drinking personally, although all of my friends from home and all of my college friends do. Although they always encourage me to drink, none of them judge me for refusing, and I’m grateful for that. Not surprisingly, I’ve heard the same things since my junior year in high school – “Ruby, you’re getting drunk with us.” “We’re gonna get you wasted at your graduation party.” “You’re gonna be drunk off your ass for your 21st birthday.” “Everybody gets hammered on New Years.” “You at least have to get drunk on spring break.” But so far, it hasn’t happened.

I know full well this might make me seem like a boring person, or at least not as much fun as most. Maybe not to those that know me, but certainly to those who’ve just met me. It’s possible I make less friends this way, and equally possible I meet less girls this way. I’ve decided to live with that; as far as I’m concerned, anyone who decides I can’t be a cool person because I don’t get drunk doesn’t deserve to know me anyway.

There’s still the question of why – why if I’m not opposed to drinking, why if I see the many benefits it has to offer, why if I enjoy hanging around people that drink – why won’t I do it myself?

I suppose the most honest answer I can give is control. The friend posing the initial question to me guessed that answer correctly. I’ve seen what happens – many, many, many experiences with what happens. I don’t want to be the guy that can’t walk at the end of the night. I don’t want to be the guy that throws up on someone’s bed. I don’t want to be the guy that shoots part of the evening for everyone else because somebody has to stay and make sure I’m okay, or at least cart me home. I don’t want to hook up with some random chick. I don’t want to get into my car and not be able to see the road when its 3 in the morning and I’m nowhere near home. And everybody who was there when I received that advice knows how that person’s night ended – sick in the bathroom for over an hour and a half. Again, not making light of it, but that’s what happened.

I don’t want to do things drunk that I would never want to do while sober. Call them mistakes, or not. A lot of the time I suppose we shouldn’t look at them as mistakes, more like something happened accidentally as a result of having a good time, and that’s part of life. But there are bigger mistakes I would never want to make. For instance, toward the end of my relationship with my ex, she got drunk for the first time and cheated on me. To put this in context for her, I was the love of her life. At that time, virtually everything else in her life had fallen apart completely. No job, no car, no money, dropped out of school, few friends left, fighting constantly with her parents - and I was the one good thing keeping her together. So one night I was really sick and I didn’t want to go out, but she still did. So she went out, and this happened. To be honest, I was glad that it happened, because I had wanted out of the relationship for several months at that point, but I still cared for her as a person, and I felt obligated…you know how that goes. She didn’t know we weren’t going to last, but she made it so I couldn’t possibly have stayed with her. And after that, her life self-destructed, which I heard about in an increasingly distressing series of phone calls over several months. The bottom line is, she did something while drunk that she would never, ever have done if sober. That’s the type of thing that I’d really like to avoid.

So I feel okay with not taking the advice. I like being around my friends while they’re drinking, whether I have a couple or not. I’ve been buzzing before, and that makes the evening plenty exciting for me. So I’m going to enjoy myself without losing control, and when one of my friends has a great time and a few too many, I’m happy for them. In the end, I like being the guy that will check on the friend that’s had a few too many. I like being the guy that can always drive us when we need to get somewhere. I like being the guy that helps the girl stand up and puts the jacket on her to keep her warm while her friend comes to pick her up. I even like being the guy that will stay out long past the time I’d rather be sleeping to make sure someone gets home okay.

I’m not saying I’ll never get drunk. There’s a fair chance I could at any time, because I still drink on occasion, and that’s the way that goes. But in the mean time, if you see me conspicuously not getting drunk, know that I have my reasons.