It's Mega-Maid - - She's Gone From Suck To Blow

Wait a minute, are vacuums with negative suction power really a good idea? I mean, at some point during the production process, isn't there one lonely hand raised to point out the problem with this? Between the product engineers, the scientists, and the consumer groups, won't anyone chime in? And, even if the product hits the shelves, shouldn't there be labels on the side saying "This piece of shit you're about to waste your money on will not only refuse to suction any of the unwanted matter from your carpet, it will actually increase the crap/carpet ratio by about 300%" ? Apparently not, since I just spent about forty-five hellish minutes pleading with mine, only to be brutally rebuffed. So now my parents are coming for lunch, and they'll probably stop by. When they ask me "Didn't that carpet used to be blue?" what am I supposed to say - "Originally yeah, but, um....erosion, and.....fuck you." ? Thank you, Dirt Devil.