Zombophobes

It appears that the Haitiii have finally made an official denouncement of zombies. Let me be the first one to say it: it's about damn time. I've never been a fan of zombies, despite Hollywood's attempts to make them seem cool. The only good thing a zombie ever did was bite known terrorist Leonard Kaplan in the face, which only happened because I made it so. Don't be fooled by groups like People for the Ethical Treatment of Zombies and Undead Americans (PETZUA), or Scraggly-ass Hippies Uplifting The Undead Peoples (SHUT UP) - - zombies aren't good people. In fact, well over half of the medical experts I have consulted on this sound pretty confidant that zombies are NOT people.

Need further proof the uncoolness of zombies? Zombies are the number one cause of osteoperosis, because the first part of the body they bite is usually the spine. I know I've been the minority on this issue for years, but it seems like public opinion is finally changing. Perhaps one day I can finally shed the cruel term "Zombophobe," which my older cousin tagged me with after I expressed my undying hatred for Zimbabwe.